Is it me?

[Kirsty2112]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months. We're very close, love each other a lot, and spend most nights of the week at each other's houses. I'm 21, he's 25. We've always had an adventurous sex life, and we both have a high sex drive.

Last night, we were doing our thing, and I was enjoying it as usual, and I thought he was too. Then, when we switched positions, I noticed he'd lost his erection a bit. This has happened before, and sometimes I use oral to make him hard again before we carry on... so I did my usual things (all the stuff that normally works), but after a little while, he just said "oh, I don't think I can come tonight..."... I felt awful. I have pretty low self-confidence (I'm a fairly curvy size 12) and immediately assumed it was me. We just lay there cuddling for a bit, but I couldn't get out of my head that it was my fault, and that he doesn't fancy me (I can't believe a gorgeous guy like him actually likes me)....

Anyway... so I kind of have 2 problems. First: WAS it me?? He hadn't been drinking, he's no more stressed or tired than usual and I know he's not cheating on me or anything...

And secondly... I feel I handled the situation really badly. I did actually say to him: "Is it me?" and he said "No of course not... it's just... I don't know, kind of embarrassing...", and I wasn't entirely convinced by his answer, so I just didn't say anything, just lay there, and he was like "You're not really helping me feel any better...", so I apologised and cuddled him a bit more, but then I felt awful that I'd made him feel bad. Then I tried to bring it up this morning, and explain that I was sorry if I made him feel bad about it, and he said "You didn't make me feel bad! I'm meant to be the one being upset about it, not you..." Which just made me feel like I'd made too much of a big deal about it... so... what do I do if it happens again? What can I say to make him feel better? And should I bring this incident up again, or just let it go now?

Oh, I'm so confused.

And for the first time in literally about 3 weeks, he said he was busy tonight, so couldn't come to my house. He's totally entitled to do that, I don't mind at all - I just think it's a big coincidence that he was suddenly busy right after this happened... I must have handled it really badly and embarrassed him. Please help :(

[redheadaussie]

Maybe he is just plumb tuckered out having sex! Maybe he just feels he has to perform. One of my boyfriends, told me when a similar situation happened that he just didn't really feel like sex that day, but wanted to please me...he was able to communicate that to me. Many younger men can't. Sex should be the icing on the cake, not the whole meal and dessert. Find some other ways of being intimate (cuddling in front of the tv, going for long walks, doing stuff together) He'll be fine.
YOU on the other hand need to get a grip girl! It is REALLY hard not to feel it is your fault, and if you have body issues, you will be tense and nervous, even without realising it. Men don't like women who are self conscious. They like women who are able to look at themselves and say, Hey! I am ME!
Believe me, I am (fairly) attractive, but I always put myself down, and my husband left me for a woman who looks like a Wombat (fat Australian animal with a big nose!) He told me it was because I couldn't accept myself, that he left me...So get up, be positive and love yourself,...your man will be a raging sex machine again....after you build the intimacy of course!

[ladyblue22]

First of all, DON'T blame yourself for this.
My advice is, don't over analyze this situation. It happens to couples all the time and there is no reason to get worried over it. Let it go and try to find diff. activities for the two of you other then sex, for now. I'm sure this problem will solve on its own. If it persists then you should sit down and ask your BF if he wants to talk about it. If he says yes, then you two talk it out. If he says no, then let him know that you will be there to listen and work this out whenever he is ready.
Good luck!!!

[Dalubaba]

As a preventive against any sexual disorder and to enjoy sex fully, you may spend sometime with Kundalini yoga, kegel exercises, meditation, Spending about half an hour a day is insurance against sexual probe. If both the partners do the exercises simultaneously, the pleasure is enhanced. There are many websites on the above subject. At present I am studying www.anmolmehta.com. It is very comprehensive, with free e-books, videos, blog, question and answers, News letters. Taoist yoga,  is also important.
In yoga the ultimate purpose is to convert sexual energy into mental energy. However, one can use it to enhance sexual pleasure.It will be a fascinating experiences.

[nooneknows214]

Once in awhile the loss of an erection happens, even to those of us with a high sex drive.  Seriously, it's not an issue with you or him. Do you have frequent sex, like once or more per day ?  That could also add to the loss.  In addition, some things weigh on everyone's mind.  

If you're in a relationship with him, then he likes you, period.  Size, look never matters.  I'm sure no matter what your size (and 12 isn't big at all, get that out of your head) he cares about you, for you my dear.  

On the other hand, if many things about him begin to change, then I'd keep an eye out.  

[Dalubaba]

Some failures are normal. when this happens, it should be taken sportingly.Failure can be from anybody's side depending on individual's mood. One can change the mood by changing to other activities. Some rest can restore the sexual activity to normal.