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Avatar universal

Am I just lazy or am I right?

So yesterday I got my first warning from my job, It is my belief that depression is really getting in the way of me doing my job but at the same time I think it's just me. Here's what happened, first problem I needed days off from work to have fun, at the rate of 1 day per month and that got to my manager. Do you guys think this is because of depression?

Second problem really has nothing to do with mental health, apparently my employer set a meeting that he was supposed to conduct at 8 pm after my work is done so I didn't join and he's angry about that too. Am I in the right or not?
5 Responses
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973741 tn?1342342773
I'm sorry you got the warning!  That never feels good.  I think you have to take the information and use it. Do you like the job, overall? If so, don't take days off right now.  Relaxation can happen on the weekend if need be. Many companies have a policy of you have to work X number of days until you earn your vacation time.  Remember, when you aren't there, no one is doing your job. It may concern your manager. I understand needing to recharge your batteries. Could you get it done on the two days off a week you have?  

And the 8 pm meeting.Sigh. Ya, that stinks. BUT, it's work.And you are fairly new. So, I'd have gone unless there was a real reason you couldn't.  I have a meeting tonight at my son's school from 8:30 until 10 pm.  I was like WHAAATTTTT. It's a theater meeting which is an activity he is joining.  It's not at all convenient but it's for my kid. I'll do it. Sometimes we have to suck it up and just do things.

Your boss may have different ideas about work/life balance than you.  Is this a job you want to keep? Maybe it's not the ideal place to work if you feel very differently than they do in terms of when/how much to work.  

But I personally have to eat and keep a roof over my head so do what I have to do.
Helpful - 1
2 Comments
That's different, he's your son. My job is not my family.
I wonder if the anxiety you feel about working can be lessened by adjustments that are fair and reasonble to your employer and you.  ie Americans with Disabilities act.  I know in general its okay for people with disabilities, including psychiatric can ask for accomodations.  However IDK if you can do this with what you want to do.  Remember the accomodations must be fair and reasonable to your boss and you.
134578 tn?1642048000
Is this a 5-day-a-week job, or more days than that? The short answer is, if you agreed to specific hours  when you accepted the job, your boss has the right to expect you to be there at those times.

If it's an average 40-hour-week kind of job, it's possible that if you had asked for one unpaid day off per month without giving a specific reason, the manager might have considered it,  but only IF he had plenty of other people who were looking for more hours, and also if it wasn't hard to schedule them to cover for you.

But most of the time someone hired for a particular job, is expected to be there specific days. This is to prevent gaps and scheduling hassles galore.

Saying you needed a day off per month to go have fun was tactless. You're not getting paid by the company to take off and have fun, you're getting paid to help put out the goods and services.


Regarding the meeting, this would depend on what your role is and what the industry norms are. If your role is an executive or professional one (in other words, salaried, pretty well paid and with significant responsibility), you should go to every meeting even if they last all weekend. It's part of how you get worth the big salary.

But if you are only paid for the hours when you're working, and if 8 pm was nowhere near the time you usually work, and if you're a relatively low-level employee and don't plan to stick around very long or care if you get a promotion, I think the boss shouldn't have expected you to attend the meeting. Ask another person to give you a run-down on what happened there, so you get any important information.

It sounds like what your boss is really reacting to is that you're acting like your job is really not that big of a deal to you. It's not much fun to be a boss of an employee who doesn't want to be there.  If you find the job boring or irritating or depressing, it would be a good idea to try something else.
Helpful - 1
6 Comments
The appointment wasn't with me. It was with the CEO I would have never been of any help to them and they know this.
The things is I'm legally required to have 1.25 days off a month. He's not allowed to take that away from me.
How many days in a row do you usually work?
In other words, how many days in a row are you at work before you get a weekend or other day where you're not expected to be at work? Every country has different laws, but in the U.S.., there is no requirement that you are allowed an additional 1.25 days off a month if you are working five-day workweeks.
Don't know what country you live in, but where exactly does that legal requirement come from?  A union contract?  Your employment contract?  You know, you might consider working for the gov't.  They generally don't work overtime unless there's a true emergency and sometimes not even then for employees who aren't directly involved in providing the emergency services, they have very generous vacation time if you stick around, a very good pension, early retirement, and a fair amount of sick leave and they have a very difficult time firing anyone.  The pay won't get as high as it can in the private sector and if you're a professional nowhere near as high, but you do get to do things people actually need doing a lot of the time.  A lot of folks like these jobs because of these factors and are willing to take the much lower salaries in return for more time for the other things they like to do.  It's not for everyone, but you might like it.  You do still have to show up at meetings if you're asked to and you still can't make up your own schedule, which it sounds like what you want, though.  The only way to do that is work for yourself.  The pay will probably be bad, failure is likely, etc., but you do get to set your own terms of employment.  What I keep hearing, though, is, you want what you want and you aren't going to get that but if you are truly suffering from depression, that's your problem, not your job.
"The things is I'm legally required to have 1.25 days off a month."

Is that how much time you accrue for PTO? That's totally different than having that as a legal requirement to have off. That comes to 15 days a year, which is a pretty typical number of vacation days a year - about 2 weeks. It doesn't mean you get to have a day off a month - it means you get about 2 weeks of paid time off a year. It would probably be a good idea to clarify this. Saving it and letting it accrue means you could take a week off in the summer, and a week at the holidays, or something.

You also need to find out if you get sick days on top of this, or your sick days and vacation days all come out of this one lump of PTO (paid time off).
Avatar universal
I've definitely been there, but for school. However, it ended up being more than just depression in the long run. After a time of being unmotivated, unfocused, in constant need of a break, and feeling almost blurred I knew something was wrong. After telling my parents for 2 years that I had ADHD, they finally took me to a different doctor that specializes in ASD/ADD/ADHD and sure enough, I was right. My diagnosis changed my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD combined type, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder type II, and sensory processing disorder (mild). If I were you I'd do my research on ADHD symptoms for hyperactive, inattentive, and combined. Make sure to make your search specific to gender and age because the male "stereotype" is what is often looked for but females (like me) and misdiagnosed and overlooked for years because they tend to mask ADHD easier. I hope this helps!!
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
I think depression can impact one's ability to enjoy things. They've it anhedonia. But usually with that, one finds they can't enjoy much of anything. It sounds like you take time out of work for enjoying other things so maybe anhedonia does not apply to you.  Losing your drive can happen.  We get burned out, lose our get up and go and it can make work harder.  Low level depression that is chronic is a form of depression too that can be challenging. You STILL get up but you don't feel right and aren't yourself.  I was treated for dysthymia (which I think is the old phrase for 'persistent depressive disorder'.  https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/persistent-depressive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20350929  When I had this, I went to work, went out, did things but was certainly not fully living my life and life was hard. Treatment changed things dramatically for me.  That's just my story, everyone is different. But I still think you should talk to a mental health professional to get some ideas of what you can do to feel more yourself at work.  If it is more an issue of the job just not floating your boat anymore, then be realistic and begin searching for a new job or do your bare minimum for this one.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well, having been a manager for many years of small businesses, while I think we all would benefit from less of the unnecessary work most of us do nowadays (how many of you out there grow food, hunt, gather, make clothing, or provide shelter?), if you're running a business you need folks to actually come to work.  If you don't want to do that, find a way to make money that doesn't require you to do that.  But as long as you're going to work for others, nobody's going to let you have a day off every month to have fun.  To employers, that's what your days off and vacations are for.  I also don't see how that links to depression, which if you have it exists whether or not you're at work and is probably less at work because your mind is busy and has less time to think those thoughts that are making you depressed.  Again, whether it's good for society or not, and I believe it's not, as your manager, I would have fired you.  I had a small staff and needed them to not only be there but also to want to be there.  Now, if you work for a huge company that has a surplus of employees, assuming such a company exists, then you're not all that important to the business because nobody is as there's a lot of redundancy and the product probably wouldn't be missed if the business disappeared tomorrow, but that's how society is currently organized.  Again, if I could design it I'd make it a lot different than it is, but I don't get to do that, but if you're young enough, maybe you should move into politics and see if you can change the ridiculous emphasis we have on making money.  But again, as a former manager, I'd have fired you.  As for the meeting, if you're important to the company and are needed in a meeting, you go to the meeting.  if you don't want to do that, again, find a different job that doesn't appear to require as much work.  Some jobs, especially higher paying ones, require a lot of hours to be put in including after hours when meetings don't get in the way of the day's business.  In addition to having been a manager, I was an attorney, and the hours for attorneys are quite long until you get old and make partner.  I was also a self-employed writer, and in that case while I got to set my own schedule, I worked seven days a week.  So again, how much and when we work is owing to the type of activity we make as our work.  In the meantime, if you are in fact depressed and not just someone who'd rather be doing something other than your current job more of the time, what kind of help for that are you seeking?
Helpful - 0
4 Comments
My problem is that depression has caused my passion to fade away. I really like what I do (or at least used to) before depression. I want to get the joy of life back and less anxiety and maybe then I won't take days off.
Then treat the depression, if that's what you have.  Have you been diagnosed with depression?  Sadness or ennui aren't depression.  If you do have it, taking days off won't make it go away, it's a chronic illness.  Try therapy.
Yes I am diagnosed with depression, been getting treated for a year now and I honestly see no improvement except that I don't feel sad anymore
If you're in therapy, it can take time, but if it's grief, only time will fix that.  Sadness is a function of depression but sadness also exists apart from depression.  I have no idea your story, but if you're been diagnosed for depression and are under treatment and the treatment isn't working, you might consider a different therapist and if it's getting in the way of your life significantly you might need medication, but of course there are great costs to that so it is better if you can fix it without that.  But it sounds like it's getting better if the sadness has gone away.  
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