I want to try again but am I emotionally ready

[Jennifermc]

Hi everyone,

I was so excited when i found out i was pregnant because i had been trying for a while, however the excitement never lasted long and was soon replaced with panic and worry! I started spotting at 6 weeks and had a scan that showed an empty sac but I still stayed hopeful and thought it may be too early, 10 days later the sac had grown but still no baby and i was told it was likely i would have a miscarriage, then on 17th April (the day before my final scan was due) I had the miscarriage which was a really horrendous experience and the pain was awful, i really never expected it to be so bad. I know its early days as its not even two weeks but I keep reliving the emotions and feelings of when it happened and i keep getting really sad then angry. The doctors said I have no infection and can try again when i feel ready. I do really want a baby but i am now terrified to try because i don't think i can cope with going through this again. I'm so confused and to make things worse I have made out to my parents and partner i am ready to try again but im not so sure just yet!

[Jennifermc]

Thanks for your comments and sorry to hear about your losses too. I know I need to put myself first an decide if I'm ready before I make any decisions, its comforting to know its normal to be scared and nervous. Thanks for your comments it means a lot :-)    

[rccresswell]

Hi

I am so sorry for your loss.  I do know the feelings you are feeling because I felt the exact same way probably a year a go this time.  Last year on the 13th April I miscarried a little boy on the 13th April.  The tests showed that they couldn't find anything wrong with him.  I was absolutely devstated as I know you are feeling right now.

My husband and I had to make the decision on whether to start trying again or waiting.  This put a lot of pressure on our marriage because for about 6 weeks after the miscarriage I would cry everytime after intercourse which really upset my husband.  We did decide to try again but when I was ovulating my husabnd was reluctant to bd because he thought I was doing it only because I wanted to fall pregnant.  I did say to my husband yes that is one reason but it is the only way I feel I can get my life back because it gives me a reason and a purpose to enjoy that aspect of our marriage.  He agreed and then I fell pregnant.

I won't lie the first few months were the scariest months I ever experienced,  Once you miscarry it really takes away the innocence of pregnancy.  When I went for my first scan I convinced myself my baby had died because I was petrified something would happen and I needed to protect my emotions.  With my son I miscarried he was alive at my 7 week scan.  When I got to 14 weeks I was petrified that we wouldn't hear a heartbeat and I didn't rest until my 18 week scan.

The nerves are all normal but the one thing you need to ask yourself before you start trying is "am I really ready to face another miscarriage"  If you were to fall pregnant and upi miscarried again could you really handle that pain again?  I think once you know that answer then you will know when the time is right :)

I hope that helps you with your journey

[confusedmystery]

Hi Jennifer,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I also experienced a miscarriage recently. It is horrible to experience but I have read so many people's posts saying that it is because your body is rejecting it as something could have been wrong.
Try not to be too upset, you will never forget but will only move on in time.
Only you can decide when you are ready to try again but don't feel pressured into rushing things. I know that partners and other family members experience the upset of a miscarriage but I feel that us, as the mothers have that extra attachment and upset as we are the ones who feel the symptoms and the pain and hormones going all over the place. It is not easy but I'm sure that when you are ready, you will go on to have a healthy pregnancy. Don't doubt something that hasn't happened already. You were unfortunate the first time around. As I said, maybe it just wasn't supposed to be. I'm sure you want what is best for you and your baby.
Good luck in the future and keep me posted.
Don't forget though, do things in your own time. People will understand.
Take care,

Jenni xx