Aa
How do you deal with family?
I am married and have 2 kids...newly diagnosed in July 2014. My question is how does your family deal with it?? My husband has never asked me how my shots are going, how I feel or anything. I explained to my kids what MS is, and what its like and they are very very good with it. They even see me inject and help me pick out a new body part to poke.
How do I deal with my husband that just turns a blind eye to this? He went with me for my 3 month checkup with the MS clinic dr, and rudly interrupted me when I was asked about my symptoms., he mentioned items that i was experiencing when I had my first flare up which has long gone away. He did not say anything after the appointment at all. At this point, I don't even want to tell him of my next appt as I don't feel he should be there.
Suggestions?
How do I deal with my husband that just turns a blind eye to this? He went with me for my 3 month checkup with the MS clinic dr, and rudly interrupted me when I was asked about my symptoms., he mentioned items that i was experiencing when I had my first flare up which has long gone away. He did not say anything after the appointment at all. At this point, I don't even want to tell him of my next appt as I don't feel he should be there.
Suggestions?
The early months after diagnosis can be rough on everyone. My household is just my husband and myself, but something like MS or any significant health concern can really change the dynamics of things. My diagnosis came like a bolt out of the blue 12 weeks after we got married. We were still figuring out so many aspects of our lives and future together.
Some of it just came with time - I became less stressed and panicked once I sorted out treatment and had long stretches without relapses. The same went with him. I was proactive about seeking out psychiatric care to handle the mental health side of both the diagnosis and past issues. I was slowly but surely able to intuit my energy stores and what I was able for on any given day. When I had things better set up for my own success post-diagnosis, I became a better wife. Like Alex said, it stopped being the Immisceo Show.
At the moment, MS is a factor in our relationship, but so are other things! His career, our house hunt, etc. It's another thing with which to find balance. I tell him how my appointments go, we look at my MRIs (we both think they're cool), and I look at the projects he's doing at work. We share the things that loom large in our own lives.
This is NOT to say we have it all figured out. There's always more to work on. Truth be told? Our sex life has hit the skids! There is love and attraction, but sometimes having MS is like being spayed. I feel pretty asexual most of the time, and that piles on the guilt. So there's always something to work on. But that's a marriage. The need to work would exist with or without the MS.
It's comparatively early days for you, in terms of your diagnosis. Your husband may still be processing all of this. MS can seem so abstract from the outside because so much of it is 'invisible'.
Some of it just came with time - I became less stressed and panicked once I sorted out treatment and had long stretches without relapses. The same went with him. I was proactive about seeking out psychiatric care to handle the mental health side of both the diagnosis and past issues. I was slowly but surely able to intuit my energy stores and what I was able for on any given day. When I had things better set up for my own success post-diagnosis, I became a better wife. Like Alex said, it stopped being the Immisceo Show.
At the moment, MS is a factor in our relationship, but so are other things! His career, our house hunt, etc. It's another thing with which to find balance. I tell him how my appointments go, we look at my MRIs (we both think they're cool), and I look at the projects he's doing at work. We share the things that loom large in our own lives.
This is NOT to say we have it all figured out. There's always more to work on. Truth be told? Our sex life has hit the skids! There is love and attraction, but sometimes having MS is like being spayed. I feel pretty asexual most of the time, and that piles on the guilt. So there's always something to work on. But that's a marriage. The need to work would exist with or without the MS.
It's comparatively early days for you, in terms of your diagnosis. Your husband may still be processing all of this. MS can seem so abstract from the outside because so much of it is 'invisible'.
I'm not diagnosed, but I do feel like my husband is not as interested as I would like him to be. Men are different... like Alex said, they are programmed to be "fixers" and they can't fix this so they react in different ways.
As women, we tend to more like caretakers. I sometimes feel like telling him "If YOU had something wrong with you, I'd do everything I could to know everything about it so that I know how to support and help you!"
But I bite my tongue....... he does help and support in his own way by taking on the more physical chores around the house, etc., so I must consider myself blessed.
Hang in there and try to see his view of it all. It's tough.
~Linda
As women, we tend to more like caretakers. I sometimes feel like telling him "If YOU had something wrong with you, I'd do everything I could to know everything about it so that I know how to support and help you!"
But I bite my tongue....... he does help and support in his own way by taking on the more physical chores around the house, etc., so I must consider myself blessed.
Hang in there and try to see his view of it all. It's tough.
~Linda
Like any big life event spouses deal with it differently. Husbands often just want it to go away. If we do not talk about it will all go away. My Psychiatrist said do knock denial. Sometimes that is the only way a guy can cope. Communication is the only way to deal with the problem. The trick is he can't be forced or even feel coerced into talking about it. Guys are fixers you give them a problem and they fix it. They can't fix MS.
What saved my husband and me is a Couple Conference the MS Society had. My husband actually decided we should go. It is about honesty. I had to be prepared for anything my husband wanted to tell me. The main thing he said was since my diagnosis it was all about "Me" and my MS. This was true. He wanted simple things like me spending time asking how his day went. Having date nights. He had to take on extra chores which made his life harder. He finally found some husbands of wives with MS to talk to. Also a lady with MS at work.
He had even a harder time when I was diagnosed with late stage Ovarian Cancer. He did not want to hear about it. I had to go to my first appointment with the Oncologist alone. He worked around the corner. When I tried to tell him about the surgery he just wanted me to be quiet in case someone heard. He planned a bike ride while I was going to have surgery. I was mad. He finally explained that riding is how he stays sane and sober. He needed to ride to keep it together.
It took him awhile to come around. He was terrified I was going to die. He took a day off work six months after my cancer diagnosis and talked things out. I had booklets about cancer and he would not read them. It just took time. He was scared in both instances. Our life had been turned upside down. I had to understand how hard all of this was on him. I am not the same as when we got married. I need help now. He does not mind helping he just thought of me as independent and indestructable. I always took care of myself and other things. I had to see things from his perspective.
He loves me very much and would not leave. It is just very hard on him.Just give him time and a little understanding.
Alex
What saved my husband and me is a Couple Conference the MS Society had. My husband actually decided we should go. It is about honesty. I had to be prepared for anything my husband wanted to tell me. The main thing he said was since my diagnosis it was all about "Me" and my MS. This was true. He wanted simple things like me spending time asking how his day went. Having date nights. He had to take on extra chores which made his life harder. He finally found some husbands of wives with MS to talk to. Also a lady with MS at work.
He had even a harder time when I was diagnosed with late stage Ovarian Cancer. He did not want to hear about it. I had to go to my first appointment with the Oncologist alone. He worked around the corner. When I tried to tell him about the surgery he just wanted me to be quiet in case someone heard. He planned a bike ride while I was going to have surgery. I was mad. He finally explained that riding is how he stays sane and sober. He needed to ride to keep it together.
It took him awhile to come around. He was terrified I was going to die. He took a day off work six months after my cancer diagnosis and talked things out. I had booklets about cancer and he would not read them. It just took time. He was scared in both instances. Our life had been turned upside down. I had to understand how hard all of this was on him. I am not the same as when we got married. I need help now. He does not mind helping he just thought of me as independent and indestructable. I always took care of myself and other things. I had to see things from his perspective.
He loves me very much and would not leave. It is just very hard on him.Just give him time and a little understanding.
Alex
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Multiple Sclerosis Community
Top Neurology Answerers
Australia
ON
Queensland, Australia
Queen Creek, AZ
Find out how beta-blocker eye drops show promising results for acute migraine relief.
In this special Missouri Medicine report, doctors examine advances in diagnosis and treatment of this devastating and costly neurodegenerative disease.
Here are 12 simple – and fun! – ways to boost your brainpower.
Discover some of the causes of dizziness and how to treat it.
Discover the common causes of headaches and how to treat headache pain.
Two of the largest studies on Alzheimer’s have yielded new clues about the disease
