I miss, I hate, I love

[Inny2009]

I miss dancing, I miss swimming, I miss playing tag with my son. I miss taking long walks, I miss my normal body.

I hate my naps, as the take away time i could have with my son, I hate having migraines 3 times a week, I hate not being able to work, I hate that Im 22 and disabled. I hate that I dont remember how to talk sometimes, or say what I mean, or write.

I love that I can spend time with my son, I love my husband for being so supportive, I love how I have learned to appreciate the small things in life I normally take for granted. I love that I am finally getting treatment. I love that I can sit in a chair and dance while moving my arms. I love that I can just move at all.

I love that when I do have to take naps I can have beautiful dreams of actually playing with my son and holding him and running with him. I love how I can try and do some mind puzzles once in awhile to fix my brain, and if I find a word Im proud of myself. I love that I can see the sun, the moon, the stars and the rain. I love that I can still talk and give advice and help anyone in need. I love this forum, and the people in it. I love my son.

What I love the most is that this disease does not limit my ability to love and to be loved.

I guess I have alot to miss and to hate but in the end I have more that I love and that is what is important. In the end, I am very blessed. We all have those I hate this days, but maybe when you do, you can look at this post and realize you are all beautiful and special and have something to be greatful for. I appreciate every single one of you for being strong to keep going. Just remember... you guys are blessed to. I hope my post helps.

Inny

[Inny2009]

Im so happy that this post helped you guys. You are all an inspiration to me, and if you are like me...pity parties can come and I need to learn to squash them.

To be completely honest. This post was gonna start out as a pity party post. And I wrote out the miss and then I realized I hated some things. So I wrote them down. And after I wrote those things ..well I had vented it.

Then I realized this pity party had to stop so I wrote down things I loved . Funny thing is ..The love column was alot longer than anything I hated or missed. I realized I had alot to be greatful for.

Thank you all for your inspiration and guidance and love and support. I am glad this has helped others.

Inny

[Lulu54]

Thanks!  I loved it all, even the hate list.  - Lu

[missy72450]

Thanks for this post, I posted a ten things people should know about me on my facebook page never mentioning how I felt physically. Maybe that would have been more therapuetic. I still work fulltime, have too for the insurance. I usually work 2 and then off two. the first day off like today I slept all day. Your right I missed not only 2 days with the kids but then today as well. It is frustrating. I can't run but I can hold them and rock them. I can't play in the pool but I can kiss them when they are scared. I can't play ball but I can sit on the pprch and cheer them on. I don't drive because of the dizziness so i use that time with my daughter or my niece because they get the priviledge to drive me to work each time. So you have the right attitude as we all should. Thanks for turning my pity party into a praise party.

Missy

[moose28]

This post is truly an inspiration  -and  fun to read as well. - thanks!
Marty

[Sparkysarah]

I loved your post and it touched me deep inside. There are so many things to get cross and angry about but I know it is not good for me to get stressed or angry and I make sure I do not bottle things up and express any negative feelings in an assertive way.

Anyhow I have felt blessed in so many ways by friends this year who have reached out and helped me in many ways. I shall give some examples one came and helped me plant all my tubs up, many drove me to medical appointmetns, another tooke mea way for my birthday to London to see a musical,  my husband's best friend and his wife took me out for dinner.  I have seen about 5 different people who I had lost contact with from years ago.

I have seen human kindness, received unconditional love and my greatest lesson this year has been in learning to accept help and allow myself to feel loved and supported.
This is a blessing.

With love and thanks for your lovely sensitive post.

Sarah x :)

[Inny2009]

your definitely welcome meg! Keep up the great attitude! I am a social animal too but since i am limited physically to the house thats why i talk alot on here, the phone and on facebook when I have time!!! lol

Hugs to you as well, you are an inspiration and I look up to you as well!

Inny

[meg321]

Hi Inny

thanks for your post, I too have lost most of what I was before and and its been a matter of finding new things to do ..and I have found that is very difficult but I am trying.

What i really miss most is driving..and social events We are in a small town and a lot of my friends are near or in the city, i am a very social animal.

But ACCEPTANCE is the answer and staying POSITIVE is something I do to save myself.  There is a lot we have to be grateful for...its tricky to come out of the dark hole we find ourselves in.  I really try not to go there..and prayer works for me.  Thats just my way though.

thanks so much...

hugs, meg

[Inny2009]

LA, I am so glad that this post hit a spot for you. Frusteration can be our worst enemy or our best friend..either making us feel really bad or driving us to find ways to do something better.

I am sorry you have gotten to the point that you are at, but I am happy you lived mostly active and got to experience the things you have. I, myself, have some pity parties for being 22 and not being able to do alot anymore. I am always worrying and wondering what I will be like later in life If i am so limited now.

Its ok though, I try and tell myself that there are things I can do that others cannot and I should be greatful and stop with the pity party. Its something I just gotta get over.

I get really wiped out being in the pool too. But you know what I say, thats a memory with your kids that will stick. At least you didnt miss out on the memory, even if you did sleep for a couple days.

Your in my thoughts and hope that you continue to soldier on as you are on of the many people I look up to. Keep your chin up!

Inny

[LATW]

This hit a spot for me.  I have been very frustrated recently.  When I was first diagnosed I was able to ignore things but not any more.

I am 47 and was able to live half of my live in a very normal active way.  I thank God for that but I am so sorry at 22 years old you are dealing with such difficult issues.  

I went swimming two weeks ago and was so totally wipped out.  I slept for a couple of days after.  The sad thing is I really did not swim, I was just in the pool with the kids.  

Sleep has become my best friend.

LA