Talking about our emotions...

[Heather3418]

I thought it might be interesting to talk about our emotions and not our symptoms.  There is such a huge emotional component involved when we are dealing with "Limbo-Land" or dealing with the diagnosis of MS.  Hopefully after you post you will feel that your load is somewhat lighter for having shared your emotions with others.  It may actually bring all of us even close together.  But talking about what we are feeling and how we cope, can be a huge benefit to our overall well-being.

We are always listing our symptoms and sometimes we talk about our emotions, but we never concentrate totally on just the emotional aspect of what we endure.

Would you be so kind as to share the emotions you deal with and how it affects your daily lives?  Would you share wtih us what you feel your caregivers must go through, when they stand by our side with us, through this whole ordeal? Or do you think your loved ones have abandoned you? How has it affected your relationship with your loved ones?  (For example, has it brought you closer together, do you find that you argue over little things when you aren't feeling well, do you think that your family tries to unload too many responsibilities onto you; when you just don't have the energy to even clean the kitchen or take out the trash?

I personally suffer from periods of doubt in my abilities to contribute to those around me.  I do wonder what 'tomorrow''s' challanges will bring and if I will be able to meet them head on.  I find that some days I am depressed about what MS has taken away from me, then realize how much it has actually given to me.  It's given me a different look at the world and those around me.  I appreciate the little things more than ever before. I don't seem to "sweat the small stuff anymore."

Having MS has given me a totally different outlook on life.  I don't take one day for granted and try to accomplish everything that my body will allow.  I try to live life to the fullest, never knowing what tomorrow may bring.  It has brought me closer to my loved ones because I see the sacrifices they make for my disabilities.  I also have anger for my loved ones at times, when they expect too much of me on one of my bad days.  Sometimes they do not understand that all I want to do is just lay down and rest my painful body.

The greatest gift that MS has given to me, are all of those that post on this forum.  Without the friends I have made here, I really don't know how many days I would be able to greet with a smile.  As much as MS has taken away, I also find how much it has actually given back to me.

I would appreciate your personal thoughts.  Again, not the symptoms of your disease or possible disease, but the emotions you endure, day in and day out; with or without a diagnosis.

I really feel that by sharing the emotional aspect of our daily lives, that we indeed can give some insight to others; how to endure and carry on despite the trials.

All my love to all of you.  My "Angels with Invisible Wings."
Heather

  

[Lulu54]

I am copying your post to a brand new questioon so you will be sure to get the responses you so much deserve. Please look for it here .  lots of hugs to you and your wife, Lulu

[mattson1]

My wife had just been diagnosed today with MS. Reading your posts not only brings a tear to my eye but also offers hope that there are others going through this too. What's my job as a husband to help my wife through this? She is the breadwinner and the dominate one in the marriage. Meaning she makes the rules and the way our girls are to be raised. My two girls are 5 and 3 and what should we expect of them through this? Any help is grateful. Thank you all for your stories. God bless.

[mxspdracer]

Ten years ago, I couldn't walk because I suffered a severe MS attack that left me half paralyzed. I spent six months in recovery and therapy just to regain the ability to do everyday things like write with a pen or use a spoon to eat, I spent another year working hard to regain my mobility by practicing yoga and acupuncture.

While I was recovering, I vowed to change my life. I adopted a healthy lifestyle and diet along with a strong will to overcome this disease. I decided that when I regained my ability to walk again, I was going to spend every day living my life to the fullest.

There are inspiring stories you can view at http://www.iwalkbecause.org.  I get particularly inspired by Lea's stories.  If you or anyone you know have great stories to share that can inspire us, I understand they're collecting more for next year.

mxspdracer
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's own courage." Anais Nin

[Janette2836]

DENIAL!  That is what I try to do most of the time.  I try to keep so busy that I do not think about what my body is doing.  For some reason it does not decide to just go away though  :)

Anger & lonliness - for a time my family treated me like the doctors do - like nothing is wrong.  Hubby was getting frustrated & thought I was just being lazy.  NOW He has read up lots & even keeps up with what is happening on this site!  It is hard hearing the kids talk about me at times.  My youngest child shared with his teacher that one of mommie's favorite things to do is NAP!  That is sure not how I want my kids to see me.

Encouraged - I read many of your stories of how you have coped & what you are going thru & it brightens my day.  So many strong & courageous people on this site it is amazing.

Hugs to all

Janette

[HVAC]

Humor keeps me alive. Otherwise I would just give up.

Alex

[Quixotic1]

You honor us all by letting us see into your deepest selves.  Thank you for that.  There is no way you all will ever know how many other people you reach by putting your words down.  We have 200 or so active members, but another 1000 have joined the forum and uncounted 100's lurk, listen, and are helped by knowing they aren't alone.

DJ - Thank you for being honest about how you feel.  It is a sign of deep respect to show us that honesty.  Knowing you are in our midst gives me great joy.  I have been low and wished that the end would somehow arrive - mainly from depression not pain - and told our friends hear about it.  I felt that it was hypocritical to have people tell me I was strong.  I will now tell you what they told me:  You are strong because you are still here.  You still reach out and touch others' hearts.  The fact that you feel beaten down and tell us about is a strength more enduring than uttering optimistic phrases.  Thank you for accepting our love and efforts to support.

Jan - I, too, gave my best years to an abusive husband.   Thanks to you, too for telling us about the other things that really are more terminal for you, and I hope that you can find a way to share that with your family.  They deserve to know and you deserve to have that invisible elephant out of your living room.  You have been a wonderful friend here and thank you for showing us the respect of saying real things.  You, too, are strong, but need to learn to accept help and to ask for it, telling your people why you really need it.  Thanks for being here for us.

U2 - All of the things you suffer from are, indeedm valid and understandable.  Yes, being told that you are a head case would cause anyone to withdraw.  Knowing that you are being stonewalled would make anyone angry and frustrated.  I have seen your strength from the first times you posted here.  You're still you and through all of this have maintained your integrity and sobriety.  I'm proud that you are my friend.  Good luck with the remodel, the summer and your exercise.  You are strong because you are still here.

GGrrl - You also have been a delight and a source of great support here.  You have enriched us all by joining in, sharing, and asking.  For every question asked by one, hundreds may see and revel in an answer.  I know the ache of seeing the ability to do what I love disappear.  I pray that your guitar-playing years stretch on for a long time.

Heather - I don't tell you often enough the depth that you offer to this forum.  You remain a pivotal player in the family of souls struggling to make it through.  This thread, which I just reread, is just another of the 100's of things that you have done for the people here out of love and the knowledge of what a group like this can be.

My emotions have leveled out after 10 years.  I live vicariously through all of you.  So I am angry, scared, frustrated, and wistful.  When external things come up (like my remodel) and I drift away from being here everyday, I begin to feel hollow and useless.  Those are the feelings that have permeated my life since I left practice.  You keep me filled with purpose and give form to who I am and can be.

I thank you all.

Quix