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What REAL doctors are made of
Inspired by Rendean's journal entry about her good doctor, I would like to ask:
What is a REAL doctor to you?
Unbelievably, after 10 years of undiagnosed symptoms in which I went through 5 PCPs who might as well have been in outer space (or in one case, FROM outer space), I have found a GOOD PCP. I've only seen him 4 times (in the past year and a half), but with every visit I am more convinced he's a REAL doctor. I had totally despaired of finding one and still can't quite believe my luck (at last!).
A REAL doctor (like him):
(1) listens carefully,
(2) asks enough questions to really understand the situation,
(3) takes what I say at face value (i.e., appears to believe me without a hint of doubt),
(4) writes things down immediately so he gets it right,
(5) looks things up (like meds) on the spot from his exam-room computer or his phone, for accuracy and appropriateness,
(6) examines the patient (what a concept! I thought they weren't doing that anymore),
(7) adjusts his thinking and plans based on what he sees and hears from me, and
(8) talks to me in a perfectly straightforward manner, without a hint of smirking, without trying to label me as anxious, old, confused, or "been reading on the Internet."
By contrast, the second-best doctor I ever had, one of the neuros I saw, only did (1) and (7). (And sort of 5, but with the PDR instead of a computer, but this was back in 2000, so I give him credit.)
It could be that my current PCP is just too new a doctor (I think a couple of years out of his residency) to start the smirking and the labeling of middle-aged female patients with numerous odd symptoms, but right now I don't care--my only worry is that he'll move away somewhere and I'll have to go back to the outer-space docs.
A year into my symptoms, I changed PCPs and said to myself, "All I want is someone who will listen to me, believe me, and follow me, even if they can't diagnose me." I didn't think that was too much to ask, but I was wrong. Over the years I kept downgrading my expectations, so that finally I was saying "All I want is for this new PCP to NOT say anything that will plunge me into the black hole again, such as implying that I'm an anxious patient for asking a question, or giving me that beautifully smug little smile that says she's got me all figured out before I get two sentences out of my mouth." To avoid that happening, I learned not to talk to PCPs about anything except Rx refills.
I didn't even tell this new doc about my neuro symptoms (except the hearing loss and dizziness) until today, because I didn't want him to start smirking. Well, it came out today (because he ASKED a lot about my dizziness, and my having seen neurologists and ENTs), and wonder of wonders, he proceeded to ask me more questions and actually did a neuro exam! Just having such a doctor feels extremely therapeutic.
His name is Dr. Grace--a supremely apt name.
Besides being logical and smart, he is polite, efficient, confident, kind, straightforward, and trusts what I say. That is a REAL DOCTOR.
What's YOUR definition of one?
Nancy
What is a REAL doctor to you?
Unbelievably, after 10 years of undiagnosed symptoms in which I went through 5 PCPs who might as well have been in outer space (or in one case, FROM outer space), I have found a GOOD PCP. I've only seen him 4 times (in the past year and a half), but with every visit I am more convinced he's a REAL doctor. I had totally despaired of finding one and still can't quite believe my luck (at last!).
A REAL doctor (like him):
(1) listens carefully,
(2) asks enough questions to really understand the situation,
(3) takes what I say at face value (i.e., appears to believe me without a hint of doubt),
(4) writes things down immediately so he gets it right,
(5) looks things up (like meds) on the spot from his exam-room computer or his phone, for accuracy and appropriateness,
(6) examines the patient (what a concept! I thought they weren't doing that anymore),
(7) adjusts his thinking and plans based on what he sees and hears from me, and
(8) talks to me in a perfectly straightforward manner, without a hint of smirking, without trying to label me as anxious, old, confused, or "been reading on the Internet."
By contrast, the second-best doctor I ever had, one of the neuros I saw, only did (1) and (7). (And sort of 5, but with the PDR instead of a computer, but this was back in 2000, so I give him credit.)
It could be that my current PCP is just too new a doctor (I think a couple of years out of his residency) to start the smirking and the labeling of middle-aged female patients with numerous odd symptoms, but right now I don't care--my only worry is that he'll move away somewhere and I'll have to go back to the outer-space docs.
A year into my symptoms, I changed PCPs and said to myself, "All I want is someone who will listen to me, believe me, and follow me, even if they can't diagnose me." I didn't think that was too much to ask, but I was wrong. Over the years I kept downgrading my expectations, so that finally I was saying "All I want is for this new PCP to NOT say anything that will plunge me into the black hole again, such as implying that I'm an anxious patient for asking a question, or giving me that beautifully smug little smile that says she's got me all figured out before I get two sentences out of my mouth." To avoid that happening, I learned not to talk to PCPs about anything except Rx refills.
I didn't even tell this new doc about my neuro symptoms (except the hearing loss and dizziness) until today, because I didn't want him to start smirking. Well, it came out today (because he ASKED a lot about my dizziness, and my having seen neurologists and ENTs), and wonder of wonders, he proceeded to ask me more questions and actually did a neuro exam! Just having such a doctor feels extremely therapeutic.
His name is Dr. Grace--a supremely apt name.
Besides being logical and smart, he is polite, efficient, confident, kind, straightforward, and trusts what I say. That is a REAL DOCTOR.
What's YOUR definition of one?
Nancy
With all your various problems, it's great that you have a good PCP to rely on. Hooray indeed!!
I can't imagine having the same doctor for 10 years. I had one for many years in the 1990s, before all this weird stuff started, but she and I didn't know each other from a bowl of beans--because I never had anything wrong and never had anything to talk to her about!
Nancy
I can't imagine having the same doctor for 10 years. I had one for many years in the 1990s, before all this weird stuff started, but she and I didn't know each other from a bowl of beans--because I never had anything wrong and never had anything to talk to her about!
Nancy
My PCP is a REAL doctor, according to your criteria.
She knows to schedule me for extended visits, and will go over time if necessary. I was having trouble adjusting to a medication for Restless Legs, and I told her that I'd read that Neurontin would work for it.
She looked it up on her PDA, prescribed it, and I took it for years with minimal side effects (I switched to Lyrica, a similar med, which works as well). No funny looks or comments about the internet.
She's an internal medicine doctor, and I found her by luck of the draw; my former PCP relocated, and my current PCP was accepting new patients. It's been a decade that she's been the same steady, helpful, considerate, active listening kind of doctor for me, through all my multiple issues.
Hooray for REAL doctors! May my neuro become one, or pass me on to one, lol!
Kathy
She knows to schedule me for extended visits, and will go over time if necessary. I was having trouble adjusting to a medication for Restless Legs, and I told her that I'd read that Neurontin would work for it.
She looked it up on her PDA, prescribed it, and I took it for years with minimal side effects (I switched to Lyrica, a similar med, which works as well). No funny looks or comments about the internet.
She's an internal medicine doctor, and I found her by luck of the draw; my former PCP relocated, and my current PCP was accepting new patients. It's been a decade that she's been the same steady, helpful, considerate, active listening kind of doctor for me, through all my multiple issues.
Hooray for REAL doctors! May my neuro become one, or pass me on to one, lol!
Kathy
Wonko--glad you are finally getting good consideration, diagnosis, help, etc. from a doctor. I had seriously been considering going to one of the non-insurance doctors for that very reason. Even my good new PCP has to keep to his schedule. But in one case when he realized we needed more time for something, he had me make another appointment, and yesterday he turned what was probably supposed to be a 10-minute appointment into a 30-minute one, poor guy... I got him off schedule at the very beginning of the day, but he still kept asking me questions and took the time to do an exam. I plan to stick with him unless something changes. I love the Kaiser system so far.
You know a brush-off from a mile away . . . and I can just smell one coming even before it happens, I can sense it in the way a doctor's face changes ever so slightly and a tiny little smile creeps across it.
Chrisy--I had given up on the search and in fact only went to this new doctor because I changed insurances in order to get a hearing implant that my other insurance didn't cover. So it was serendipitous. I don't think there's any way to find a "good" doc except through trial and error. Some doctors that others rave about are ones that I did not find helpful at all.
I do think I did the right thing by choosing a young, male, family-practice doctor, because I'd had generally worse luck with older doctors (who make their minds up too quick), female doctors (who perhaps aren't so sensitive to being thought insensitive if they dismiss female patients), and internists (who seem rather snooty and uninterested, to me anyway).
YMMV! (Your mileage may vary.)
Nancy
You know a brush-off from a mile away . . . and I can just smell one coming even before it happens, I can sense it in the way a doctor's face changes ever so slightly and a tiny little smile creeps across it.
Chrisy--I had given up on the search and in fact only went to this new doctor because I changed insurances in order to get a hearing implant that my other insurance didn't cover. So it was serendipitous. I don't think there's any way to find a "good" doc except through trial and error. Some doctors that others rave about are ones that I did not find helpful at all.
I do think I did the right thing by choosing a young, male, family-practice doctor, because I'd had generally worse luck with older doctors (who make their minds up too quick), female doctors (who perhaps aren't so sensitive to being thought insensitive if they dismiss female patients), and internists (who seem rather snooty and uninterested, to me anyway).
YMMV! (Your mileage may vary.)
Nancy
That is a great list - sadly I haven't found a doctor yet that fit those criteria.
Still on the search for a doctor who will listen, really listen...
Chrisy
Still on the search for a doctor who will listen, really listen...
Chrisy
I finally found a doctor and practice that does meet your list of demands (each of which I second). I am being treated for Lyme disease, but that is not the only, or even primary focus, of the practice.
While it is of course a personal decision, I went with a doctor who does not participate in insurance. It costs more, but since I was getting nothing (but sicker) from my $10, 7-minute co-pay appointments, it was well worth it to me to consider this option.
My initial appointment was 4 hours, going over my binder of results and my own lists of questions, concerns, and symptoms. Subsequent appointments are 1-2 hours. I also have phone consults.
None of my concerns have ever gotten the brush-off. (And I know a brush-off from a mile away!) Adjustments to my regimen have been made based upon my progress and response. While I still have my insurance-covered GP for non-Lyme matters, I have not had need or interest to since she "gave up" on my case last fall.
I saw four neurologists in 2008, none of whom satisfied more than one of your 8 bullet points!
Great list.
While it is of course a personal decision, I went with a doctor who does not participate in insurance. It costs more, but since I was getting nothing (but sicker) from my $10, 7-minute co-pay appointments, it was well worth it to me to consider this option.
My initial appointment was 4 hours, going over my binder of results and my own lists of questions, concerns, and symptoms. Subsequent appointments are 1-2 hours. I also have phone consults.
None of my concerns have ever gotten the brush-off. (And I know a brush-off from a mile away!) Adjustments to my regimen have been made based upon my progress and response. While I still have my insurance-covered GP for non-Lyme matters, I have not had need or interest to since she "gave up" on my case last fall.
I saw four neurologists in 2008, none of whom satisfied more than one of your 8 bullet points!
Great list.
They're related by virtue of their membership in the Society of Real Doctors of America!
Point of clarification--when I said the previous PCPs might as well have been in outer space, I meant with respect to their distance from me. They weren't "space cases" (except one), but they were useless as far as being of real help to me, because I couldn't "contact" them any more easily than if they'd been on Mars.
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