Anyone has had HOCD, what should I do?

[Rachelle97]

Can someone please inbox me? Thank you.

[JGF25]

Yes I had this irrational thought and at the time I was married.  But I was in what I call crisis mode where I go from one thing to the next pretty quickly and it just happened to be mixed in with a whole bunch of other irrational things I was thinking at the time.  

[Rachelle97]

Thank you, have you gone through this theme yourself? And I will do that

[JGF25]

Rachelle I'm going on your past history of OCD to "infer" that this is yet another form of OCD irrational thinking. Most of the people on this forum are asking themselves the same question. I even had this thought once upon a time with a long list of others. Bottom line is that nobody on here can "fix" you. You need to seek out a psychologist for help with the thoughts you have had in the past along with the current ones.  

[ticktocks]

Okay.  You came her asking for thoughts but you seem to be fighting any comments that aren't inline with what you already believe.  If you're so sure that you're not gay, then focus on that.  I never said I suffered from OCD in general.  I have an understanding of it and have tendencies, but I never said I suffered from it full on.  You never once mentioned having a fear of losing interest in the opposite sex.  This is a new addition to your situation.  And generally speaking, people lose interest in sex in general, not in a specific gender.  That is unless they aren't the sexual orientation that originally thought they were.  And yes, identification can change as you grow and change and you become who you are rather than what you're expected to be.  

Anyway, I said my piece.  I stand by it.  I wish you luck in figuring out what ever you need to in order to live in peace.  Whatever that peace may look like.

Cheers.

[Rachelle97]

I believe that these arent true "desires", and I dont fear being gay, I fear losing my attraction to the opposite sex. Just like a gay person with ocd dosent want to lose attraction to members of the same sex. It works both ways. I believe you havent suffered from this type of OCD, and that is why it dosent bother you.

[ticktocks]

Actually JGF25, I didn't say either of those things.  I said gays didn't repulse me.  I never spoke directly about my thoughts on the matter when I pictured myself with another woman.  Don't infer.  Likewise, I didn't say I found the relationships with men lacking at the time.  It wasn't until many years later when I had actual relationships with women to compare them to that I felt they were lacking.  Hindsight.  After experimenting with my best friend I was completely repulsed by the idea of being with women, actually.  So you're quite wrong.

I simply think Rachel has two separate issues that are feeding off one another - regardless of whether she is gay or not.  I'm not here to make you feel worse, but I think you need to start with accepting yourself for who you are regardless of what your sexual orientation might be.  I'm sorry, but it just sound more like denial of an interest in the same sex.  Whether or not that interest would pan out to mean that you're gay or not, who knows.  But it seems to me you have an interest and you just don't want to.  Can't control desire. There is no point in trying.  There is a point in figuring out why you so strongly detest the idea of being gay.  Perhaps you if you could get over that fear, then the thoughts wouldn't be so bothersome and your OCD nature could relax.

[JGF25]

Good idea.  You are a known OCD sufferer and this is just one more irrational thought that you happen to be stuck on.  Take care of you!  

[Rachelle97]

Thank you for you post JGF25, I just dont understand how you can turn gay even if you are straight. After reading the post, I feel hopeless for the future. I've ruminated over silly things in my life such as AIDS, germs and what not, and I'm told it falls into OCD. I will get my mind off things by cleaning my house and exercising.

[JGF25]

There are two main things to remember here.  You have a lesbian in ticktocks who says she was never repulsed by the idea of being a lesbian even though she dated men but found the relationships lacking and then you have yourself who is repulsed by the idea of being in a relationship with a woman.  I think that speaks volumes.  I don't believe for a second Rachelle that you are gay or in denial but rather I still believe you are suffering from HOCD.  If this thinking is going to be an ongoing stressor in your life, then you really should seek out a psychologist to help you sort it all out.  If you were truly gay, you would be accepting of the thought and not fighting it tooth and nail.  Take care.  

[ticktocks]

I'm not offended in the least.  

All I'm saying is that being gay is different for everybody.  There are many misconceptions about this that I've read on HOCD topics.  I also, was very much straight for most of my life.  In hindsight I can look back on my relationships with guys and see that there was always something lacking.  But at the time, it felt right and I never had any thoughts of women.  When I was 16 I experimented with my best friend (female).  After that, I was more sure than ever that I was straight.  Then 20 roles around and suddenly I'm finding myself crushing on girls.  I broke up with my boyfriend and had my first girlfriend.  I'm saying this because just because you genuinely identified as straight before, does not mean things don't change.  And with all do respect, what you want for yourself has nothing to do with desire.  You don't get to choose.  Had you asked me when I was 22 if I would have preferred to be straight, you better believe I would have said yes.  It's just easier.  Not just because of discrimination.  To be honest, I look very straight and I have dealt with very little negative reactions from people in that way.  Mostly I get the gross guys wanting me and my girlfriend to go home with them.  I digress.  The point is, I'm now 33 and if I could choose my sexual orientation, I'd be gay.  Something I originally would have opted against has enriched my life.  

I'm not saying that you are for sure, but to me, it does sound more like a situation of denial.  And of course you aren't comfortable with it.  It's foreign to you.  It's something that is frowned upon by many.  I'd expect you were uncomfortable with it, you've been conditioned to be by society.

[Rachelle97]

I'm sorry if my posts have offended you, the difference is that before this I knew I was straight, and didnt question myself, but I'm not comfortable being in a romantic relationship with a woman. I dont believe I'm in denial of being a lesbian, since I have never been attracted to women the way you do. I have nothing against the LGBT community, but this isnt something I want for myself. I support gay rights, and people regardless of orientation, religion or skin colour are human.

[ticktocks]

I read some of your other questions, and I can't help but wonder why nobody has mentioned that maybe it's more of an intolerance and denial issue.  I'm not saying your are not OCD.  But perhaps you are obsessing over something that cannot be changed.  I'm a lesbian.  I went through all the of the questioning that occurs.  I'm an over-analyzer and find it impossible to compartmentalize.  So in my early 20's, it's pretty much all I thought about.  The difference was, I wasn't repulsed by the thought.

It seems to me that perhaps working on why you feel so disgusted by homosexual relationships might be a good place to start.  If you are gay, no amount of therapy is going to change that.  But perhaps you can change the way you view it.  If it isn't so repulsive to you, one would think the obsessing and worrying about it would begin to diminish.