Hello, I'm new to this community and I just wanted to ask for some advice about HOCD. I just started experiencing this problem last month and it's causing me distress. I'm not attracted to the same sex and I know that but something in my mind keeps on telling me that I'm bisexual even if I know that I'm not. I'm really scared to be bisexual or lesbian one day. I don't even know why I encountered this problem since I didn't even doubted my sexuality before. I'm afraid to talk about it to my parents because I know it would be very weird since I'm the only one who experienced this disorder in my family. I admired my friend's sister before when I was younger and now that I'm older, I feel stupid for having a crush on her before. I probably just have find her really pretty and nice that time. She has a boyfriend (they're still together until now) and I really didn't mind, in fact, I'm super happy for them! I don't have any girl crushes now, nor I'm attracted to any girl. I have a lot of crushes and they're all boys. I love boys so much. Whenever I see a girl, it's like I need to ask myself if I'm attracted to her. My mind is playing tricks on me and it's really not good. Whenever I hang out with my girl friends, something in my mind would be like "You're bi" or "Are you attracted to her?" and it would ruin my mood once again. I always reassure myself that I'm straight and I know deep down that I am one but my thoughts are causing me worries. I tried giving up one time and just agreed that maybe I'm bi, but then I'd just shook it off and be like "How can I be bisexual if I'm not attracted to the same sex?". I don't want relationships nor do anything like kissing, etc. with girls, only with boys. I want to get married one day and have a family of my own, too. Am I the only one who has this problem? I want to know if anyone else experienced this problem and maybe could help me fight it.
I don't know what to do. I'm so shy and scared to talk about it to anyone I know in real life. Anyone please help me? Thank you in advance. :( xx