Do I have OCD or am i a bisexual in denial?

[15yearold]

Hi, I m a 15 year old girl. Lately, I've been getting fears of being a lesbian or bisexual, and I get this when I judge woman or have intrusive sexual thoughts. I will judge and see if they are pretty, but I don t like them sexually. I will always think "Oh, that girl is really pretty or hot." These intrusive sexual thoughts are mostly kissing, sometimes even more. I am not aroused by women/ I just say they are pretty, but my mind takes it further than what it should. My OCD acts up, and I get thoughts like "Oh, I must be bisexual or a lesbian." I have ALWAYS fantasized about dating a guy or having sex with one. I have dated a guy, and I was content with the relationship. I don t want to be with a woman. I have a lot of female friends I want them to like me, but not in a sexual way. I automatically doubt myself. My OCD acts up and thoughts like "I must be gay because I want my female friends to like me." I get obsessed and think I want them to like me because they are female, which is not true. I say boys are cute or hot, but when i say they are, I automatically doubt myself. I can t really tell if I like them or think they are hot. I was always boy crazy. Whenever I saw images in my head of being in a gay relationship, I get grossed out. Now, my body doesn't reject the idea anymore, so I m really confused. Again, resulting in my OCD acting up. I purposely picture these intrusive homosexual thoughts to see if I get turned on. These thoughts cause me distress. I always go on a forum and explain my whole story multiple times to see if this is normal. I have done that more than 40 times already. I sometimes experience unwanted sensations in or near my sexual organs in unexpected situations. This happens after seeing an attractive person of the same gender, or while watching film or TV show with a gay character, and I worry I am getting sexually aroused or something or I find it appealing. I repeatedly worry about the possibility that I will suddenly and inexplicably ‘turn’ gay. Sometimes I reassure myself, but it always comes back. I worry that my childhood same-sex experimentation is proof that I am actually gay, or that it somehow made me gay. I am constantly worrying about that, and I feel bad. I fear the possibility that I am living a lie in terms of my sexual orientation. I fear that I am not sexually attracted to the opposite sex anymore. I prefer to avoid being around the same sex to ensure that I will not have unwanted thoughts about my sexual orientation or unwanted sensations in or near my sexual organs. I can't even watch movies with the same sex in it because I think I am gay, I have unwanted sensations near my organ, and I have unwanted sexual thoughts. I sometimes ‘test’ myself by looking at beautiful girls to see if I become sexually aroused.  I sometimes check myself either physically or mentally to see if I am sexually aroused in situations in which I don’t want to be aroused (i.e., after seeing an attractive person of the same gender). I pray a lot, and I repeatedly say the same prayers to get rid of my unwanted thoughts about my sexual orientations and that I will always be straight. I sometimes ask my close friends for reassurance about my sexual orientation. Whenever I say the same sex is pretty or hot, my mind takes it further, and my anxiety acts up. I worry that I will have uncomfortable thoughts about my sexual orientation forever, and that this obsession will ultimately ruin my life. I am afraid I will be rejected by everyone i love if I was bisexual or gay. I worry that if my sexual orientation is not as I think it should be, I will never again be able to romantically connect to another person because I would be miserable.  My obsessional thoughts about my sexual orientation are interfering with my relationships and with my academic functioning. I worry about this for hours. Is this HOCD, or am I just in denial

[bringmejoy]

I'm going through the same. Even when I'm not thinking about it, I still feel like I'm thinking about it, if that even makes sense. I know I like guys, at yet my mind is telling me I like girls, constant intrusive thoughts that I just don't want! It's even making it's way into my dreams and I hate it. I can't talk to anyone about it so this website is one of my only outlets.

[ocdsufferer0817]

I am goingthrough the EXACT same thing literally everything you said related to me. I'm exhausted of these thoughts and I don't know what to do anymore. someone please help us!

[ocdsufferer0817]

I am goingthrough the EXACT same thing literally everything you said related to me. I'm exhausted of these thoughts and I don't know what to do anymore. someone please help us!

[JGF25]

Hi there.  You mention OCD a lot of times.  Have you been formally diagnosed with OCD?