HOCD? Or really gay?

[Lovekaytee]

This would be the second time this has happened, by the way.
The first time, I was in my freshman year of high school. I was dating this one guy, and was freaking out about how I really felt about him. That eventually turned into "what if I'm a lesbian? Am I in love with my best friend?" It passed about three weeks later...

Well, I'm dating another guy. He's a great guy. Unfortunately, a few days into our relationship, he left for boot camp (he's USMC), and I was like "alright, we can do this". Well, over halfway through his boot camp stay, I started wondering if I really loved him (because it is human nature to run away from things that scare us. Of course, I really love him. I've been with him for a while, and he's a great guy.. he's a sweetheart). About January, a few weeks before his boot camp graduation, I started wondering if I was a lesbian.

And, it's June, and it's been on and off since then. I get a tingling feeling now whenever I think about being with a girl, but I shy away from it. I don't want to be gay. I know that my family would accept me, I'm not worried about that. I'm not worried about my friends accepting me.
I'm just absolutely terrified of being a lesbian. I'm afraid to be around other girls now, and unwanted thoughts pop into my head about being with them. Yeah, I'm a frequent porn watcher, but I'm always more fascinated in the sex  part.. not the women... or the guys, actually, unless they really catch my eye. I watch GAY porn (not lesbian porn, but I used to, and it never really affected me any), and I like gay porn.

I'm also still a virgin (16), and I'm afraid that if/when I sleep with my Marine, that I'll realize that I'm not interested in men at all. I'm terrified of sex. Not the performance issues... I don't know what it is. I'm just afraid of it. I have something telling me to wait.
But, I believe that I'm afraid because I'm a lesbian.
Or, I'm just going through the motions of having a boyfriend because it's what I've always done.

I recently read an article that said that gay people had opposite-gender friends and did opposite-gender things. When I was little, I hung out with mostly boys. I climbed trees. I rode my bike. I was outside often. I had two female friends, and a guy friend... A few other guy friends, but I never really played with them as much...

I don't think I'm gay, but I just want someone to tell me I'm not. I'm so confused, and crying, and upset. I don't want to be gay. It holds no pleasure for me. I just want to have a husband and kids, not a wife and kids.

And as I was typing husband and kids, 'wife and kids' came into my head.

God, I'm terrified.

[Lovekaytee]

It's been... horrible, honestly. I've been on and off of medication, and it happens during my period a lot (hormonal change...) I was fine, and attracted to boys until now.
And, I still am attracted to boys. It's depressing, though, that I find that I can't find another way out other than death. And, no, I'm not saying I would kill myself. It's crossed my mind.

[Lovekaytee]

It's a forum.
I know I'm not gay, because gay people do know that they are from an early age... and this just started. I am extremely attracted to my boyfriend.
But, sometimes, I just get these thoughts that tell me that you're just going through the motions, you really want to be with a girl... etc.
However, I do find something extremely wrong with being gay. I do not approve of it, it weirds me out, honestly. Women... really don't affect me. I see them, and I'm like "wow, she's really pretty" or "wow, she's really ugly", etc. But, whenever I see a pretty girl, it's that voice again telling me I want her.
And I don't. I want her looks, maybe. Lol. But not her.

[JGF25]

All I could go on is what you posted in your original post.  I see this type of post a lot.  It is for you to decide who you are interested in.  I have never heard of the site you are mentioning however if it is a site with naked girls and that turns you on, well then you need to figure out what that means.  If in the end, it is going to bug the crap out of you, then you should seek out the help of a psychologist to help you figure this out.  There is nothing wrong with being gay or being bisexual but I cannot say if you are either one of those.  So think about seeing a professional who can.  Could it be OCD...sure.  Could it be something else...yes....but the only way to find out for sure is to get some counseling help.  

[Lovekaytee]

JGF25, it's weird. Because I browse 4chan a lot, too (and if you're ever on 4chan, you know it's a dirty, dirty place), and there's a lot of naked girls EVERYWHERE.
It does kinda turn me on, but it didn't do that a while ago.

[JGF25]

Hi there...please go to the link below becuase I just answered a post for a guy with HOCD.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-OCD-/do-i-suffer-from-Hocd/show/1758265

The really isn't a difference between girls and boys.  What I would hate to see you do is run out and have sex with some guy, even your marine, just to prove that you are not gay...which by the way I don't think you are.  In my own opinion, and I do have kids, 16 is too young to be having sex anyway so put that one on the back burner for a while.  There is nothing to prove here.  

If you need any more clarifiction than what I wrote in the posted link, let me know and I will address your questions individually.  

Take care.