This HOCD is ruining my life

[Rywol]

Long story short, I believe I have suffered from HOCD for at least 5 years on and off until 2 years ago when I became a freshman where the thoughts wouldn't go away. I've always liked and been attracted to girls in every way possible. I wanted to be married to a woman when I was older and wanted a life with a woman I loved. I've taken multiple tests online for OCD and HOCD and they have all come back saying that I do have a severe case of them. But those thoughts only went away for a while and everything was only normal again for a a few days tops. I started checking to see if I was turned on by guys and every time it freaked me out terribly. These thoughts have been uncontrollable and I think about them every single second of every day. They are intrusive beyond belief. One day I was casually surfing the internet on YouTube and came across the band "5 Seconds of Summer" and immediately I got freaked out thinking that they were very good looking and that it must mean I'm simply attracted to them sexually. I got freaked out so I started testing myself by looking at straight porn and getting I got aroused  and then I started watching gay porn and had my arousal go right away. Today I was freaked out and I forced myself to watch gay porn, I had no groinal responses at all like I didn't get hard. So I started masturbating to it forcefully and my penis got harder but I didn't really get an erection. I did ejacuate to it but I still got incredibly freaked out and I still don't know what to do. This anxiety is killing me. Please answer this quickly. Do I really have HOCD? I looked at a post about having HOCD or if I was in the closet and all the evidence I have points to the factor that I have HOCD. But that evidence isn't helping me. I have never had any gay encounters or thoughts in my life by the way.

[Rywol]

Thank you so much for being quick in your response.

[123tushar07]

definitely it is hocd, and u also know this, but either due to ocd which produces excessive doubt in ur mind or due to shame ur running away from this .

ur saying that u got free from ocd and then it cameback with a video on youtube,million of people had watched that video, but their mind didnt reacted like ur mind reacted.
basically the point is that untreated ocd goes on waxing and waning cycles.
when symptoms suddenly go away , we might think that we are alright and there is no problem, but the point is that problem is there just under shadow, and it comes back due to triggers in stressful situations.


by asking and again that u have ocd or not, ur wasting ur time,u should seek treatment for ocd, otherwise it will continue to make ur life hell, consult a pychiatrist or pychotherapist, i am taking medication for almost 4 months and doing self help cbt for 2 months and my condition is very much better
so i advice u to take some help