Same here I have been struggling with the same thing and the tests all said I am straight so here is the thing that helps me I say to my self your past doesn’t define you you are older smarter and more mature and then I count to 60 seconds and calm down
This is exactly what I am going though! I know how hard it is, it really sucks. But every thing happens for a reason. My escape is music. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! I know we can all get thought this, it gets better.