Is this normal? Hocd, please somebody help :(

[exhaustedandtired]

I am a maladaptive daydreamer & have OCD (all confirmed).
Around 13, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out. I read it and I remember reading the part where Hermione is tortured. I folded the page a tad, I knew I shouldn't enjoy so why did I do it? My fantasies always revolved around damsel in distress/me being the damsel in distress. Does this make me a lesbian? The fact I enjoyed it?

[lily168]

Hmm, maybe anytime the worry comes into your head (why did I enjoy that scene) just say 'Yeah it was weird but it's not a big deal'

I was always taught to acknowledge the thought but see it for what is is.....not a real threat

Maybe you need to do some relaxation as well! :)

[JGF25]

Therapy is going to do wonders for you.  In the mean time, go on Amazon and look up the book The OCD Workbook:  Your Guide to Breaking Free of OCD.  You can actually look at the table of contents and sections of the book.  I think you will find that it will be very helpful to you.  You need to do the exercises though.  You need to commit to getting better.  

[exhaustedandtired]

I dunno, its just eating away at me so so much, I don't if it was a trigger for my daydream, I dunno, I just can't get passed it.

[lily168]

hey, don't be worried about why you enjoyed that bit, think of all the stuff people enjoy on a daily basis, watching horror movies etc, there is just something we like about these stories but its a bit hard to explain why :/

[exhaustedandtired]

Is that why I enjoyed the scene so much? That's what's confusing me, why I enjoyed that bit so much :/

During a hospital visit I was told that I have OCD (although I'm still waiting on my therapist to confirm it 100%, there have been a lot of waiting for an actual appointment on my part.) the maladaptive dreamer is something I've known for a while, I'm not as bad as some but I knew I lived in a daydream when I was younger.

I am seeking therapy, I have been referred via my country's health system, but I've been waiting a long time now, they had my wrong address so none of the details ever got to me.

[JGF25]

Your first statement "I am a maladaptive daydreamer & have OCD (all confirmed)" speaks volumes.  I am a maladaptive daydreamer as well and of course in our "daydreams" we want to be the hero, we want to be the beautiful girl, we want the best looking boyfriend....that is why it is called daydreaming.  It is stuff we make up in our heads to kind of get away from our life for a bit.  It is just another kind of "what-if" really.  

So it seems to me that you are doing what people with OCD do and that is look at everything in your life and second guess it, what-if it, and catastrophize it.  

Who diagnosed you and are you seeing this person for therapy?  Did you learn cognitive behavioral therapy?  

[lily168]

i dont think u are a lesbian. if u were a lesbian u would be attracted to women all the time, u would want a sexual relationship with a.woman....do u want any of that?
this tiny incident 7 years ago isnt relevant compared to everything else. i was watching tv and salma hayek came on and i thought 'wow look at her boobs' but i know i dont wanna have sex with her lol

[lily168]

i think u were just involving yourself in the story and with the characters...no need to worry so much! think about all the people who watch and enjoy horror movies and enjoy them, i cant explain why i enjoy horror movies but i do!

[exhaustedandtired]

I dunno :/ nothing will ever be a good enough answer I guess :/

No, I don't know how to describe it really. My parents wouldn't disown me, I just keep over analyzing everything, I just got scared all of a sudden. I'm getting a little scared now, do you think I am?

[lily168]

i think u have just got a vivid imagination, probably just involving yourself in the story and with the characters?
i hope u are not 'exhausted and tired' over this!
is there some other reason u are afraid of ever being a lesbian, religious background or something?

[exhaustedandtired]

I can only vaguely remember, something like she's crying out as one of the other characters writes 'mudblood' on her arm, it's not very long. I didn't revisit it over and over again. But I fantasized that I was her or helping her :/

[lily168]

I'm not familiar with the scene, u could describe it if u like?

i wouldnt worry at all, i guess if u were a lesbian u would be attracted to women (in an obvious way) and would want a relationship with a woman. so u dont need to reflect about that harry potter incident, its not relevant and not worth being miserable over :)

i think straight girls have 'girl crushes' on women, like appreciate their beauty, think that theyve got an awesome body....but it doesnt mean u wanna be sexual with a woman!

[exhaustedandtired]

I'm just scared because I enjoyed that bit of the book and the fantasized, does that make me a lesbian? Seems a tad odd to enjoy that type of scene :/ or am I making a big deal out of something from seven years ago? (I'm now 19)

[lily168]

hey, please dont be worried, im a bit confused, what is causing the worry? that u enjoyed that part of the book? or worry about being a lesbian?

[exhaustedandtired]

Hey, your last comment has left me a tad worried, could you elaborate?

[exhaustedandtired]

Yeah basically :/ all I do is find memories to over analyse over and over again.

[lily168]

hey, so u had the thought back then but now your worried about it?

[exhaustedandtired]

Hi, the incident occurred before I had OCD, I'm just looking back at all my memories :'(

[lily168]

Hi there

I haven't read that book but I'll try my best to help!

I think if you read a bit about OCD and 'intrusive thoughts' you'll learn that everyone gets thoughts that we don't really understand, enjoying certain weird things or whatever. I think the main point is that you don't want to torture or hurt other people?
I'm not an expert but maybe you enjoyed the writing...or it was the tension in the story. I know I love the Hunger Games but I don't wanna go around killing people in a game!

'Does that make me a lesbian?' I don't think you need to ask yourself that, if you like women in that way, I guess you would know already?!

What do you think of all this yourself?