HOCD

[cj6446]

I have been diagnosed with ocd since i was a little boy but about 2 years ago i was got HOCD and its been the hardest one yet, i have seen a phycologest and it helped for a while but it never stoped. i have always been crazy about girls since i can remember, but the last few years has been though,i use to test myself with homosexual thoughts and when i got anxiety i flelt better because i didn't get it with a girl so it helped, but only for a short period. i have a girlfriend now i dont see her a lott but i love her, and the thing is even tho i have her the OCD is bad i have a lott of other stress in my life but it's just like i get anxiety with her aswell and sometimes iots like i dont want her but other times i just want her so badly. when someone use to talk to me and reasure me i;m not gay i use to feel better for a while but not anymore, and iv'e read a lott of the posts and what also bothers me is that most say they know deep in side that they are not gay,but i can't say that anymore i don't know if its HOCD or what but i feel like maybe deep down inside i'm gay but i don't want to accept it. and i don't even feel so dreaded by anxiety anymore i'm propably getting use to it. i tell myself i don't want to be gay then i get this sort of anxiety feeling and i don't know if its because i'm not accepting it or if i just dont want it, its like i tell myself maybe it won't be so bad to be gay but i get anxiety about it, i dont want to be! i don't feel like avoiding situations that is homosexual, i will go out drinking and am not scared someone gay is going to talk to me but i do feel a bit uncomfortable. i just want to end this no matter what way it goes, i want to stay with this girl but why do i feel bad towards her sometimes and just feel like i dont want it. i need help please from a person who also has the same problem, talking to non- sufferers doesn't really help anymore. help please!

[Flintstones]

Hi im a 13 year old girl and I've been suffering with these horrible thoughts of being gay for about 1 month now. I've always had crushes on boys and wanted to be close to them in a romantic and sexual way. I always fantasise about growing up and getting married to a man and having kids. Ive had a few same sex fantasies but hardly any even after being aroused by same sex fantasies and knowing what lesbians were I never questioned my sexuality. I was aroused by lesbian and straight porn but never want to have lesbian sex. I have all the symptoms of hocd but I don't know if I'm in denial or not. I've never wanted to be with a girl but the other day a random thought popped into my head 'am I in love with my friend?' So I began to panic as I dont want to be lesbian  I don't have crushes like have have with boys I couldn't imagine kissing or being with her. I think I'm just glad I have a friend like her because we have alot in common and shes one of the only friends I have (since im really insecure and I get bullied because  im an easy target.). I always look for her at break but im quite clingiy does this make me lesbian?Just before my this all started I couldn't stop looking at womens boobs. I wasn't attracted I just couldn't stop like my eyes were drawn to them. Im uncomfortable with saying the word lesbian it just doesn't feel right. When I was younger me and my two friends all stuck our tongues out and they touched I can't recall liking it. Also this girl and I were playing mums and dads at my house I didnt kniw her that well but she took her shirt off and told me to get in bed with her I did but I go out straight away because I didn't want anyone seeing and I was uncomfortable. I get the groinal response even when I know it's not real. I just want to be straight again I want my attraction to men back as I love men! Its interfering with my relationships with my friends and my parents, I can't hug girls or when my friends say 'I love you' to each other I feel horrible. When my friends said this famous girl was hot I looked away and pretended I didn't hear because I didn't want anyone thinking Im lesbian. I have a few bi friends so I don't know of this triggered it. I hope to god its hocd as I REALLY dont wanna be lesbian. I told my mum about this and she said she doesn't matter what I turn out to be because she will always love me so thats not a problem. This os causing me a lot of anxiety and it makes me depressed happiness is no longer in my life these stupid hocd thoughts are always on my mind. Sorry for rambling please help thank you
:)

[ashmoh1992]

hi i am 18 and we are identical. every aspect of you is what i feel. even down to the girl friend. she left to go to school miles away and i dont get to see her. i balled my eyes out and i never cry. i really dont know what to do. im going to get graphic just to explain how bad this has gotten. when me and my girl friend were together we would have sex often and sometimes i just couldnt finish. Shes a ten. I mean a bombshell. Everyone always tells me how good looking she is and how lucky i have gotten with her. Emotionally i am veyr attachted to her but i just cant seem to finish in bed. Thats where this started. I have doughts. Its been a year since it has started and recently (within the past month) literally a day hasnt gone by that i havent tried to reassure myself that im not gay. When i watch porn, i ""test"" myself. Think about something gay to see if i get hard. The thing is though that it doesnt bother me at all, i can picture it and everything, i feel like i should be disturbed by it. Now within the past week it has really taken off. I have looked everywhere for a cure it has led me to this site. I was wondering if you are better or if you found out that you really were gay. everytime i think i might be gay it literally scares me, i feel like the world is crashing down on me. i need help please. my life if going down very fast and i dont know how to stop it. thank you.

[cj6446]

thank you i appreciate the advise i haven't been home for 2 years and i think not seeing my family also has an effect my girlfriend is Spanish and i am South African so its difficult for us to be together because i am not part of the EU, i see her now and then but its like i cant separate my true feelings from HOCD anymore! was this also a problem for you 2, and did you also think that HOCD can manipulate your true feelings and confuse you about them? i get this crap feeling about my girlfriend when shes not here like thinking of her gives me this anxiety and i cant think of why this is? because other times i just want her to be here, and  when she had to leave the previous time i cried my eyes out when she got on that train which was weird because i never cry,

Hocd just make me question everything and gives me no answers, i will see someone when i go home again and i just need to end this because its getting out of hand!!

[jmay330]

hey man, I just joined this site to find out what is going on with me. I have been having these same thoughts. For all my life and early childhood i have been attracted to girls, women, and even old women ha. One day I started having these symptoms and since then, they have taken over my life. I used to be motivated, driven, and an all-around happy human being. I never really thought about going out and looking for a girl because I always knew that one would be there if I didn't go out and look for it. I feel the same as you or did about a girl I was dating a couple months ago. I cared about her and liked her company. Once I started having these thoughts my times spent with her were ruined by these thoughts. I knew that I should be caring about her, but how can you care if your so mentally pushed out of it like I was. I have thought about some of the most obscene things since this has happened to me. Just realize you can get help. You need to talk to someone, see a physician or a therapist. I started talking with someone and it really has helped. I know I am not gay, but it does seem impossible to push these thoughts out of your head. Let me know if this has helped. keep your head up, eventhough it seems impossible.

[milanfc10]

hey dude...... What kind of therapy are you in??? A doctor should be well educated in OCD &Hocd to treat you. this can be treated with therapy.  Hocd/OCD is a disease based on doubt... I can tell you your not gay, your family and friends, doctors , everyone can tell you your not gay. But you have OCD, and you are not going to believe us. Your brain will analyze and pick at every bit of information to prove to you that you are gay. But its just an obsession. It is irrational.  read the article on Wikipedia on Sexual obsessions... people with Hocd look for constant reassurance and check themselves to make sure their not aroused, they do this over and over. and when they are not aroused they feel good. when someone tells them their not gay they feel good. when they get a boner over a girl they feel good. But this only lasts for a little bit, cause your mind starts wondering and questioning itself again. Thats the nature of this disease. Its like when someone checks to make sure the door is locked 50 times.  What goes on in their brain is the same thing in your brain, only difference is that you think of being gay... relax man, enjoy life, get a therapist who knows how to treat Hocd and youll be amazed

[LivingwithOCD07]

I don't have that type of OCD so heres a website I saw when I typed HOCD into the search engine, it may help you:

brainphysics.com/ hocd.php