HOCD?

[lola_16]

Hi, I'm Laura, I'm 16 years old. I have had trichotillomania since I was 14, along with panic attacks. Despite this I have had a normal life. My entire life, I have always been boy crazy- I've had lots and lots of crushes and I've dreamed about being married one day and having kids. I'm extremely close with all my girl friends and before my 'episode' I would have kissed a girl and thought nothing sexual about it, because I'm not that way.
But suddenly, out of the blue, these strange intrusive thoughts have been plaguing me- they tell me that I'm gay, or when I'm around my friends/family, my mind is like 'tell them you're gay!"
I have absolutely no desire to be with women. Even as I've had these troubling obsessions/thoughts, I've had crushes on guys. I know I'm heterosexual, but there's something in my head that keeps telling me that I'm not- for about 3 weeks, I constantly searched for answers in my head, asking the same question over and over again. Some times, for a few hours, I would be happy knowing I was straight. But then, something else would trigger it again, and suddenly I would be in a depression, thinking I had suddenly turned gay.
A month before this, I had a panic attack and there were images in my head of me killing my friend and my sister while I was at my friend's house- I also had a panic attack and thought I was being possessed by the devil. These obsessions never lasted more than 24 hours though. I'm pretty sure I have OCD because I know I am straight. But now, I get anxious whenever I'm around people of the same gender, and every time I see a pretty girl, my mind is like "do you like her?" but I DON'T. The thought of being gay makes me really really anxious and it sickens me. I have gay friends, but the thought of ME being gay makes me depressed and sick.
Please help me. Is this HOCD?

[hmf099]

As someone with ocd who's bi, I highly doubt you're gay. These thoughts are very common among people with ocd. You need to talk to your parents and start therapy. There are meds and different kinds of therapy that will help you a lot. Just my opinion. Good luck to you :)

[lvillecards13]

Hi Laura,
Im not therapist, and i've never been to the therapist-but your symptoms sound very similar to mine. Hmm where should i start. When i was young around 3 or 4 i would constantly wash my hands and feel the urge to shake until my mother caught on and would force me to stop. even now sometimes i feel the urge to shake-haha thinking about it right now i want to. then a little bit older i started picking my scalp-it was satifying to me and it was more of an obsession (though iw as unaware) and of course my mom keyed on my picking and forced me to stop everytime she saw me. she's a nurse and once said that i have a bit of OCD. i think i do have OCD but it is very controlled,, if that makes sense? This year i just went to college, and the thought "Am I gay, or could i turn into a gay person" ran through my head. Laura, I was terrified. I've been strait all my life and i lovee boys, in fact i have a boyfriend right now. I am sure i have had the same thought as you, i now have anxiety when i am around girls i don't hardly want to be around my old friends that are girls nemore either. Because i'm constantly askign myself, "Do u like her?" and the thoughts are so insaneEEEE but now im to the point where im just like WHATEVER! the thoughts aren't as controlling as they used to be but i just wish i could get over it. I mean I've never been diagnosed with HOCD, but i'm pretty sure I have it and it sounds likeyou do too. Hope you are better

[lola_16]

PLEASE HELP!