HOCD now paranoid I am schizo

[whathappened82]

I came to the conclusion excessively researching this **** is horrible. Last night I was looking up HOCD and whoever this jerkoff is that wrote this article said some clinicians think it may be caused by schizophrenia. Then I read the symptoms and now when Im out my mind makes me think I got these symptoms. God help me

[JGF25]

Actually, that type of "exposure therapy" is good to do.  I used it myself.  When I was afraid I would harm people, I would go into a dark room and close my eyes and imagine myself harming the people that I love.  You quickly realize that you aren't that person.  That doesn't mean the thought goes away completely but you just keep at it and finally it just has no more meaning to you.  I also physically sat in an AIDS clinic for a few weeks for my HIV issues.  

[whathappened82]

This is just one of the appraisals I gave to this thought... how do u deal with appraisals

[whathappened82]

Lol this thing is ridiculous.. I have something that is bothering me that I did I cant seem to shake feeling upset about it. I mentally pictured going into a gay bar where I read on a site this is something you should do. Now I realized it was a stupid thing to think and now I feel like this thought plagues my mind and keeps recurring.

[JGF25]

Yes I have.  I was married at the time I had it.  However at that time I was pretty much on a rollercoaster of thoughts and it didn't last very long because I was just bouncing from one thing to the next.  Last year I believe it was, I confessed to my sister that I had had this thought years ago and she replied "Me too!"  She also suffers from OCD, probably worse than me, and we both had the same thought.  The reason there is even the term "HOCD" is because it is so common that they gave it a special name!

The truth is, if I sat her and tried to write down all the irrational thoughts I have had over the years, I would be here forever.  I think I have pretty much catastrophized everything at this point.  I even thought I would just go blind while I was driving...now how stupid is that!  

[whathappened82]

Hey JGF have you ever had this theme HOCD before? Just curious

[JGF25]

Nooooooo....remember you need to give the thought no credit whatsoever and don't do internet searches.  You are right, there is a lot of misinformation on the web or at least very confusing information.  You called this guy a "jerkoff" so you must realize that this is just another irrational thought and that you do not have schizophrenia nor are you gay.  Fall back on what was working for you a while ago.  You know it works, you know you can feel better when you apply it, so do it with this as well.  That is always what helps me, the knowing that I will always get better so fall back on those past positive experiences.