Ok something very weird is happening I got thoughts and anxiety but Im not worrying about I'm worrying over not worrying over it coz I did the acceptance thing and just accept it coz you"ll never know but now I'm worrying over not worrying and my minds saying if your not fearing it then you must be liking it but I've never been attracted to guys as I know of OCD is like deleting my memories and writing false ones and I've had 3 gfs 1st 1 we just kissed 2nd I lost my virginity to and 3rd 1 had sex a lot I've had 3 gay thoughts in my lifetime when I was 8 with my friend when I was 18 about kissing his neck and hugging him which I shook off and went to sleep can't remember how I felt I don't think I was aroused but brain sending me false Info and 1 where I wanted to give my friend a kiss where I had head rush I think and woke up with the what if I'm gay thought to checking reasurring website searching doubt worry its gone from gay to wanting to be gay to bi back to gay now worried I'm gonna wake up gay or worried that I like it is this back door spike coz its a whole new hell
I started doing Erp is bisexual Erp the same hocd exposure
In my non-medical opinion because I'm not a doctor...I'm betting on HOCD.
After everything told u and posted what do u think I have
The medication is a wonderful start but when you have those flare ups you need to fall back on cognitive behavioral therapy. That is what I do. I know you cannot afford therapy so look at this website
http://www.ocdonline.com/definecbt.php
It goes over CBT and it also talks about HOCD towards the bottom. You are not alone. You are far ahead of a lot of people. You have been to the doctor, you have gotten a diagnosis, you are on medication. I wish everybody could be where you are...some people just don't want to help themselves and that is very frustrating.
So go over the CBT and give it a try. As I said, I use both medication and CBT. If I start to have a panic attack, I realize it right away and start breathing. Doing this stops the attack from getting out of hand. The medication is not a magic pill that takes everything away. It helps us to let go of thoughts more easily but the CBT is really essential.
Post again if you need anything else.