thanks for the reply
its just some/most days it feels so real and it seems like i have more attraction to men than women, but i know i dont want to be with another man, it just feels like i have to.
during my childhood i was only ever interested in women and would never look twice at another bloke. it just happened all of a sudden after that one incident that turned my world upside down.
do you know what the difference between hocd and being in denial is?
thanks
Hi there..sorry for the delay. I'm not a doctor and so I can't diagnose people on the forum but I will say that in my opinion whether we are gay, hetero or bi is a genetic thing. I have had HOCD and there are a few people on the forum who have had HOCD and done experimentation....I'm not one of those people. But what I see as a common theme is that even though they experimented, they still cannot see themselves being with the same sex. It just seems to not feel right for them and it looks like that is the same case for you.
The medications you are taking....what they do is help regulate the amount of serotonin we have in our brains. Here is a direct quote for what serotonin does in the brain and the link
http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/serotonin
"As a neurotransmitter, serotonin helps to relay messages from one area of the brain to another. Because of the widespread distribution of its cells, it is believed to influence a variety of psychological and other body functions. Of the approximately 40 million brain cells, most are influenced either directly or indirectly by serotonin. This includes brain cells related to mood, sexual desire and function, appetite, sleep, memory and learning, temperature regulation, and some social behavior."
So you see a decreased serotonin level can really effect us in profound ways. The medication is helping balance you out and therefore you are able to let things go now. That is why you don't notice the thoughts and feelings much anymore and that is a good thing. Just because you don't think about it doesn't mean that you are gay. It just means that it is a non-issue for you.
Trust me, if you were gay or bi, I believe that you would know it and accept it. You wouldn't be fighting so hard to get rid of the thoughts. Continue with your therapy and I'm sure you will be just fine.
Take care.