A good Day

[HVAC]

I spent the day with two young mothers with a 2 1/2 year old and a six year old. We were on a farm with Llamas, goats, horses, a sheep, and a donkey. It was such a simple day. I forgot about chemo, Cancer, and MS and had a great time. I never was able to have kids. I enjoyed the two young ones. The littlest things can make me so happy. It has been over two years since my Cancer surgery and I have survived 18 rounds of chemo. I have a full head of hair and I am happy. I used to think getting Cancer was the worst thing in the world. Now with all the treatments it is just a speed bump.

Alex

[HVAC]

I am so sorry about your hair that is truly bad. My hair came back after chemo. It is curler than it was.The chemo I am on now takes your skin not your hair. I lose all the layers in places.

I had part of my rectum removed so I have bowel problems.I went to a good physical therapist. She taught me exercises for my bowel. Also she taught me how to massage my belly to move things along. She tried to help with my sexuality. I have no desire and I have to use dilators so it is not painful. I am learning to accept the changes. I would have liked to have kept my Ovaries but the Cancer was too far a long.

I was very angry about it at first. I wrote about it which helped.My first GYN oncologist was a jerk. He is in a Rock Band called NED No Evidence of Disease. He goes on tour and promotes early detection on GYN Cancer. He had no time for me because he was making a movie and making a CD when I had my surgery. I saw him before surgery and then 2 1/2 months later because I asked to see him. I never saw him the day of surgery or the week I was in the hospital or when they set up Chemo. I got sicker and sicker and all I saw was a nurse. An Oncologist friend told me I had a malpractice case.I would have died if I had stayed with him. I switched hospitals and doctors. They admitted me right away and gave me blood and fluids. My Cancer never went in remission. I have it in 15 places.

I was so mad but I do not have time to be mad. I have two bad illnesses and my time is precious. I want to live at least to sixty. I have a fast growing Cancer called Clear Cell, I am supposed to be dead by now. I lucked out and got into a Clinical Trial and it is working. I have treatment once a week.

I wish I had an answer for your issues. The irony is I do not look sick. My Doctors all say I look great. I look young for my age. I did not drink, smoke, I ate really well, and I exercise and yet I ended up with bad Genetics. I will lose my hair again but I shaved my head the last time. I am not tied to my hair. I got so skinny and looked bad for 9 months.

I was mad because I was having problems with sex and no one would talk to me about it. They treated me like I was a freak. They sent me to a Doctor who deals with sexual dysfunction and she turned out to be a Breast Doctor. She only cared about women who lost their breasts. She sent me to a Sex Therapist I could not afford. They took all my organs what was a sex therapist going to do?

My writing coach had me write a piece called what make me a woman. Technically the boobs are the only thing I have left which makes me female. They wanted to take those because of the BRCA 1. I was okay about the Mastectomies until I read all that can go wrong and you can still get Breast Cancer in your brain, bone, and other places.

My doctor and I had a shouting match about the breasts. He said I was not in reality because I would not agree to more surgery. I don't have breast cancer. Luckily the Breast Doctor he sent me to said No too.

It is hard dealing with the medical. There is mourning and anger and sadness. What everybody wants is validation. If Doctors would just aknowledge what is happening is real and it ***** that would go a long way. If they could just admit they do not know or what they did to help caused more harm.

My first Doctor gutted me like a fish and did not have a balls to face me afterwards. He had zero compassion it was all about surgery. I was a piece of meat to him. Then he is all over facebook and Youtube with his rockband. He is really stuck on himself. If I get angry at him it only hurts me. He would not even recognize me if he saw me again. He has gone on with his life, I have to go on with mine.

I can only tell you I care what has happened to you.

Alex

[old_before_my_time]

Alex - I am glad to hear you had a good day and enjoyed yourself. You have a good attitude...I could use some of that.

I am curious if your hair has come back as thick as it was before your hysterectomy / ovary removal. My hair has been falling out since my surgery 8 years ago and my skin has aged horribly. And I am on HRT! I do have bowel issues so that may be a contributing factor.