We're near the end

[Oregondaughter]

Friends,

It's been awhile since I've posted, but I continue to watch threads and keep up with the fight of many.  My mom was diagnosed with OVCA over 2 years ago, and yesterday her oncologist told her that she likely has less than 6 months and has the option of hospice or continuing on another kind of chemo.  She chose the chemo, wanting to give it everything she has.  She is such a tremendous fighter and amazing person.  Her ca 125 is over 10,000 and that is after continual treatment since diagnosis (with a two month break for her body).  She has a lot of back pain, feels full really quickly and has digestive/bowel issues.  I knew we were headed this direction, but I am still so stunned and so so devastated by this news. My mom is so full of life.  I just can't believe this.  You are just never ever ready.

My question is what do these last few months look like?  How do I prepare myself and my children?  What can I do for my mom?  How do I cram a lifetime of living in a few months?  

I know there are really no answers, or words, but anything you would like to share would be appreciated.  

Thanks,
Denyc

[Searching48507]

I am so very sorry that you are dealing with this news.  I pray that the new chemo treatment will provide a miracle for your mom!  

I was so caught up in the running with the treatments and the fight, that I don't think that I ever really prepared myself.  My mom had treatment up until the last week and a half before she passed.  Looking back, I wish I had recorded my mom in video.  Just to hear her voice would be amazing.  However, at that time, she wouldn't have wanted to be recorded as the weight loss and everything, she just didn't look like herself.  My sister-in-law wrote letters to each of her children and gave them to her mom to give to the kids after she passed.  Those letters provided much guidance and comfort to the kids (they were all young teens).  

What I did do for my mom was to tell her that we would be ok.  A mom will always be a mom and will always want to take care of her kids.  I think it helped her to know that we were ok.

Peace,

Karen

[shewrites]

You don't necessarily have to choose between chemo and hospice.  It's my understanding that hospice can go along with continuation of treatment.  Hospice services may be available solely as pain management, as well, and a lack of pain would likely lengthen a patient's ability to soldier on.    

I think you should interview hospice services and get some guidance on the stages your mother might go through and how they can help ease her way.   If they provide counseling for the family and the patient, that can be a big benefit as well.  The hospice I'm familiar with offers chaplain services, too.  

I'm sorry you're going through this, but I think it can be a rewarding time for your mother, you and your family.  Good luck and God bless ...

[marie3B]

I feel the same as Karen.  Why did I not get my mom and dad on video????  Whenever I am at my sickest I long so much to hear and see my parents again.  I feel for you and am proud of your mom for continuing the fight.  She just may be able to hold the enemy back for a long time.  God knows that's what so many of us are trying to do.  Love and peace to you.  Marie

[ireneo]

My husband just finished his training with the hospice program. He's done some work with critically ill patients in the hospital (cardiac unit), volunteered with the "No One Dies Alone" program and also cared for my Dad during his last 2 years of life. I have to agree that the hospice program can be extremely helpful during this time. They have a social worker that can help you find resources for help at home, the chaplain just for someone to talk to, the volunteers to offer respite care and help assess how she's doing and report back to the medical staff. There's so much help out there to make the transition smoother.

If she's still on chemo then hospice may not step in just yet. That's typically for people with 6 months or less. But there should be some palliative care services (that crosses over into hospice as well). There are plenty of ways to control pain and nausea. She shouldn't have to tough it out alone (medically speaking).

Be sure to ask her doctor. And I agree with the others: record her voice, write down her history and memories: of her childhood and her time as a Mom. Take pictures if you can. I have one picture of my Dad during his last year of life. I treasure that.