Stage 4 dx/very confused

[bravely2]

I am 55, just dx w/OC stage 4.  Went to the Dr for my regular checkup, constipation and abdominal bloating.  She sent me for a CT scan and I was admitted b/c of fluid in my chest and abdomen.  Removed fluid from my chest, surprised I never noticed SOB. I guess she suspected colon CA but did the colonoscopy prep inpatient with no poop results.  Next day a super colon prep still no poop.  Attempted colonoscopy anyway, and could not get in really b/c of outside pressure from mass.  Blood tests then came back positive.  I went to Sloan Kettering yesterday and met with the chief of surgery, he felt that the ca was too advanced into my rectum and bowel to immediately debulk.  Luckily it seems like my liver is not affected, and there were no signs in my lungs despite the positive cells in the 1 liter of fluid removed.  So I am meeting with an oncologist in three days to discuss the chemo.  
I am so confused why I never had any clue of this.  I am a dentist with my own practice, which I opened only six years ago, and never saw it coming.  It is very hard to make any decisions about my business, if this has progressed so far that I can't even poop, it is very disheartening.  I thought I would be working for at least another 8 years, I guess I am kind of a workaholic as I have many very fearful patients, but they love me and my staff and we create an environment that they can trust.  I am used to being the one to take care of them, and this loss of control is so hard.  My staff is heartbroken.  My daughter just became pregnant/high risk and is 10 weeks along after losing several pregnancies. I am so afraid the stress will cause her to lose this one as well.  I have always worked like a mule and never get sick.  
I don't know what to expect with the chemo, it is supposed to be 3 weeks apart for 3 cycles then evaluate for surgery. I don't think I will be able to work for a while, and I am considering selling my practice before it loses value, but the Dr says some people do well.  
Can anyone give me any idea what to expect in regard to how they felt after surgery?  I myself feel that it is really possible that I will need a colostomy and no one really wants to just come out with it and tell me.  Are you disabled after treatment?  I know everyone is different, but my situation with a dental practice is so much different than a job.  I have a staff depending on ME to keep them working, and I don't know if I will be able to.  I feel like they are all my children and I have to provide for them.
Sorry if this is so long and rambling.  I feel like a fish out of water.

[bravely2]

Thank you so much for your hope.  I felt so disconnected from my normal me.  

I have thought back to a time when I was going thru divorce and my son was very ill, needed a lung transplant, and my mom had lung Ca and lived with me.  I went to church and walked in late as my pastor was giving a sermon, when things get overwhelming, remember to lean back and let God take over, that we are not alone, we just need to accept what he has in store for us and work with him.

I realise that He has been with me thru thick and thin my entire life and that now is no different.  He helped me get my daughter thru when my son died even, though I was falling apart myself.  He helped me get a business of my own and make it a success.  

I was worried so much b/c the oncology was so far off but it was moved up to tomorrow, and then I worried that the new Dr might not be any good.  If I can accept that the right way has been chosen for me, I know that what to come is good.  I have gotten thru all of my hurdles before and I have to put this into God's hands, too.

I have always lived my life helping others, walked a narrow path true to my feelings of right and wrong and I can only trust that God has brought me to the right place.
Thank you so much for your support.
Rose

[shewrites]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  I assume that the doctors will solve your constipation problem, at least temporarily.  (My mom had a temporary colonostomy after surgery for diverticulitis, so I know that it's possible to reverse it.)  Good luck with that.  

In the past several days, several women on this forum have talked about how chemo affected them.  Worst case, I think you will need a week off for the chemo and then you'll be okay for two weeks.  Best case, schedule chemo on Thursday and go back to work on Monday as suggested above.  To avoid nausea, follow your doctor's dosing instructions precisely.  

I think it's probably too soon to make decisions about your business.  Would it be possible to get someone to come in and sub for you on a temporary basis?  Could you sweeten the pot with the possibility that you might partner with them (or sell the practice to them) in the future?  Sounds like your staff will be supportive.  

You're going to have to decide which problems you "own" and try not to worry about the problems you don't own.  You probably can't do anything for your daughter except have a positive attitude, tell her to take good care of herself (not that she wouldn't anyway), and pray a lot.  It'll kill you, but you're probably going to have to let her "own" that one.  

The ladies on this forum will be here for you -- with prayers, pep talks, etc.  Please keep in touch.  

[sleepytea]

I want you to know that my mother had stage 4 and has fully recovered. Her physical strength came in bursts, but she is a strong woman and although it took time to recover, she was doing yardwork, volunteering, and so many other things. She was fully on her feet three weeks after the surgery. She even took up kickboxing with me two years later (although she couldn't do the sit-ups and such for warm up).  Her advice would be that everyone is different with recovery, but she suggests avoiding negative people completely, keeping a table by your bed with all the essentials (including something to pull up the blankets if you can't bend right away) so when you need to rest you don't have to keep getting up or calling others, and remaining social and in contact daily with those who are cheering for you.

Although her cancer was in essence a horrible thing, it taught my mom not to worry so much, those who depended on her to work independently and also as a team, and (even better) my dad how to do the laundry and cook more than toast and eggs.

May you find joy always!

[OCFB]

Chemo affects each person differently.  You must be a strong woman, indeed, to have had fluid build-up and no symptoms, so I would expect you will adjust to your chemo fairly well.  I had 6 rounds, one every 3 weeks and worked full-time throughout the process.  Yes, I was tired the day after treatment, but was able to adjust my schedule to have treatment on a Thursday, and then have 3 days to recouperate.  You might be able to arrange your patient schedule to work something like that.  After your surgery, there is no doubt you will need to rest and not be on your feet.
I know this whole process is daunting, but you will see, as more responses come in for you, that many women have done it and survived.  You will find this website very supportive and we look forward to following you and helping as much as we can as you begin your journey.
Linda