Aa
new here,looking for support
I am new here, and my mother was diagnosed with stage 3 Ovarian Cancer. She is 60, a very smart nurse, and has asked me (another nurse) to be very involved with her care...kinda a second set of ears, and advocate for her, and now I am feeling overwhelmed. I feel horrible about saying that because I don't have the disease, and I am not suffering with the effects Chemo is having on her. Here are my questions:
1. It was my understanding, I swear I heard this, that "it isn't as bad as it used to be, they have great drugs so you don't have to feel sick after your chemo treatments." My mom is on the Carbo/taxol regime and has had her 3rd treatment on tues. of this past week, she is still sick in bed, feels like she has the flu, and is completely miserable and it is Friday. When I asked her doctor about this, with her there, he asked how bad is it...she said "bad, I don't get out of bed for 3-4 days." His response was to try and feel better quicker! He did offer her a shot to increase her RBCs, which she had, but...is there anything else? Or is this really normal? If this is, ok, she can get through it, but I wonder does she have to suffer? She does take ibuprofen, and phenergan faithfully around the clock, she does have dilaudid from post-op left, but isn't sure she wants to take it...it may constipate her more than the chemo does already. I try to suggest to drink more water...help with the constipation, but she says that makes her nauseated. Some guidance would be great.
2. Is there a forum for families/care givers to share experiences? I feel so alone, and would love to know I am not!! The funny thing is ...my sister and father feel alone too, and if we try to talk about it, it gets messy, because we all serve different roles, and have our own frustrations, and have a hard time relating to eachother.
1. It was my understanding, I swear I heard this, that "it isn't as bad as it used to be, they have great drugs so you don't have to feel sick after your chemo treatments." My mom is on the Carbo/taxol regime and has had her 3rd treatment on tues. of this past week, she is still sick in bed, feels like she has the flu, and is completely miserable and it is Friday. When I asked her doctor about this, with her there, he asked how bad is it...she said "bad, I don't get out of bed for 3-4 days." His response was to try and feel better quicker! He did offer her a shot to increase her RBCs, which she had, but...is there anything else? Or is this really normal? If this is, ok, she can get through it, but I wonder does she have to suffer? She does take ibuprofen, and phenergan faithfully around the clock, she does have dilaudid from post-op left, but isn't sure she wants to take it...it may constipate her more than the chemo does already. I try to suggest to drink more water...help with the constipation, but she says that makes her nauseated. Some guidance would be great.
2. Is there a forum for families/care givers to share experiences? I feel so alone, and would love to know I am not!! The funny thing is ...my sister and father feel alone too, and if we try to talk about it, it gets messy, because we all serve different roles, and have our own frustrations, and have a hard time relating to eachother.
Thank you so much for all of your words of advise, what a WONDERFUL place this is, I do feel much better just hearing all you have to share. From what I have read in the short time visiting here, you all do care deeply for one another. Thank you! She is feeling better today, got out of the house even. She is very tired though, this dose seemed to have tired her out the most, but she has reached the halfway point! The teachers from her school (she teaches health in a middle school) all made her a great half time poster! Each one signing a football with words of encouragement and left it on her front door to see. I will keep checking back! Thanks again
Pls take care! I am in the same sort of situation. My mom was diagnozed with stage 4 OVCA Dec 2007 and it is especially devestating since my father had passed away from cancer a few months before my mum's diagnosis.
I know it is scary especially if you see your mum, who was once so healthy and energetic, to become so tired and listless after the chemo.
But a positive attitude would help your mum a lot. Surely, you don't want her to feel worried about your emotional well-being on top of fighting cancer. We always remember the doctor's words to my mum - 'The treatment would be tough and it would be difficult. At some point of time, you would feel as if you are dying, and it is probably the case. But if you could pull through, there is a big chance that the cancer would be under control and you could get better'. And of course, reading miracle stories really helped.
I don't know whether it would help - but I have started a journal to document my mom's fight with cancer. When I am really down, I would write on my journal and after that, for some strange reason, I would feel better.
And of course, this forum is a lifeline to me. Reading the forum messages helps as I know I am not alone facing this problem. And for some truly inspiring messages, I would tell my mom.
I know it is scary especially if you see your mum, who was once so healthy and energetic, to become so tired and listless after the chemo.
But a positive attitude would help your mum a lot. Surely, you don't want her to feel worried about your emotional well-being on top of fighting cancer. We always remember the doctor's words to my mum - 'The treatment would be tough and it would be difficult. At some point of time, you would feel as if you are dying, and it is probably the case. But if you could pull through, there is a big chance that the cancer would be under control and you could get better'. And of course, reading miracle stories really helped.
I don't know whether it would help - but I have started a journal to document my mom's fight with cancer. When I am really down, I would write on my journal and after that, for some strange reason, I would feel better.
And of course, this forum is a lifeline to me. Reading the forum messages helps as I know I am not alone facing this problem. And for some truly inspiring messages, I would tell my mom.
In answer to your question, you have found just about the best support sight that you are going to find. Whether it be support to a care giver or to a woman newly diagnosed or to a survivor in need. All of here in some way or another have been touched by ovarian cancer. Some of us actually have it, some of us are caregivers, some of us are waiting the outcome of tests, and some of us are just looking to ease our fears.
Talk to your moms dr about her constipation and he can either give her something or tell her how to fight it.
No chemo therapy is nothing like it used to be. They have come a long way in just the past 20 years. It is not unusual to feel bad after chemo esp when you first start it. Remember these are very toxic drugs being put into her body. But it does get easier as time goes by. Some times we do have to help it along. Try to get your mom up for just a little while every day and do something. Anything. Sitting up and folding a load of clothes. Going in the kitchen and fixing herself a piece of toast and a cup of tea. Start small and work your way up. Having cancer itself causes a lot of fatigue, and adding chemo on top of that increases it a lot. But the best way to help fight it is do try a do a little something each day. Also while she is occupied in what ever she is doing, it will take her mind foff of everything else that is going on. Having been there myself, I know that it is hard. Somedays it is all that i can do to make myself get up for anything. But I know that I have to. I have a dog that needs to go out and be fed and cats to be fed. So no matter how bad i feel, I drag myself up bercause they are depending on me. And as a lot of women will tell you a good fight against fatigue is to get up and move around. Start small and increase slowly. I wish your mom the best of luck in her fight. It is overwhelming but you can do it, and we are all here for you in what ever aspect you need. LOL Chris
Talk to your moms dr about her constipation and he can either give her something or tell her how to fight it.
No chemo therapy is nothing like it used to be. They have come a long way in just the past 20 years. It is not unusual to feel bad after chemo esp when you first start it. Remember these are very toxic drugs being put into her body. But it does get easier as time goes by. Some times we do have to help it along. Try to get your mom up for just a little while every day and do something. Anything. Sitting up and folding a load of clothes. Going in the kitchen and fixing herself a piece of toast and a cup of tea. Start small and work your way up. Having cancer itself causes a lot of fatigue, and adding chemo on top of that increases it a lot. But the best way to help fight it is do try a do a little something each day. Also while she is occupied in what ever she is doing, it will take her mind foff of everything else that is going on. Having been there myself, I know that it is hard. Somedays it is all that i can do to make myself get up for anything. But I know that I have to. I have a dog that needs to go out and be fed and cats to be fed. So no matter how bad i feel, I drag myself up bercause they are depending on me. And as a lot of women will tell you a good fight against fatigue is to get up and move around. Start small and increase slowly. I wish your mom the best of luck in her fight. It is overwhelming but you can do it, and we are all here for you in what ever aspect you need. LOL Chris
Hi, Lauralyn. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. My mother (who is also a nurse!) was diagnosed IIIC in October 2005. I have found this forum to be filled with incredibly warm and supportive folks who have a great deal of helpful information to share.
Don't feel guilty for feeling a overwhelmed. It is shocking news and I know it can be exhausting taking care of a sick person. It can be also be really tough on a family. Everybody has their own way of reacting to it. Your mom is going to need all of you and you are going to need each other, so this is not a time to let your family pull away from each other.
As far as some place for you to not feel so alone everybody is welcome here. We have a ton of people on here who don't have cancer and we hope they stay that way.
Your mom is reacting to the chemo in a perfectly normal manner. Everybody is different. I had chemo on Thurs., Neulasta on Fri and about 4 on Fri I would start to feel just HORRIBLE. I couldn't eat, threw up, didn't get out of bed and by Mon. my husband would have to drag me to do my blood work and than I would go back to bed when I got home. It took me 7-10 days to feel better & usually by the weekend before my next chemo I would feel good enough to go out a little.
You can't drink water when you're heaving. I ate frozen fruit. I could eat that because it has no smell, it is easy on the stomach and helped with hydration and constipation. Instead of ice chips, I had frozen blueberries. I had peaches, assorted berries, & grapes also. When your mom can eat have her try Activia yogurt for her digestive system. Even if she hates yogurt she'll like this. She should also be drinking cranberry juice.
If your mom is in pain she should take her pain pills. When you are in pain and throwing up or just feeling "green" it is hard to think about anything else. If she is really nauseous see if she can get phenergan suppositories and zofran dissolvables and have her use both at the same time. I finally learned that on this recurrence. If she can control the pain and the nausea, it will be easier for her to get out of bed and do some of the other things that will help her feel better. She should also be taking a stool softener and a couple of milk of magnesia tablets every night. I took both for 9 months but I don't anymore (I ended up at the hospital for constipation) because I eat that Activia yogurt and don't need them except on a rare occasion.
Yes, things have come a long way, but we are still putting poison in our bodies and the consequences of that are harsh so her reactions are not outside the norm. Don't ever let your mom feel like she isn't doing as well as the other children. :-) I swear, even the sweetest most well meaning chemo nurse can make you feel like you aren't keeping up with the pack when the reality is they don't tell you how many others are feeling just as crappy.
I will be praying for your mom and your family. Take care of yourself as you take care of her.
Kindest Regards,
Jan
As far as some place for you to not feel so alone everybody is welcome here. We have a ton of people on here who don't have cancer and we hope they stay that way.
Your mom is reacting to the chemo in a perfectly normal manner. Everybody is different. I had chemo on Thurs., Neulasta on Fri and about 4 on Fri I would start to feel just HORRIBLE. I couldn't eat, threw up, didn't get out of bed and by Mon. my husband would have to drag me to do my blood work and than I would go back to bed when I got home. It took me 7-10 days to feel better & usually by the weekend before my next chemo I would feel good enough to go out a little.
You can't drink water when you're heaving. I ate frozen fruit. I could eat that because it has no smell, it is easy on the stomach and helped with hydration and constipation. Instead of ice chips, I had frozen blueberries. I had peaches, assorted berries, & grapes also. When your mom can eat have her try Activia yogurt for her digestive system. Even if she hates yogurt she'll like this. She should also be drinking cranberry juice.
If your mom is in pain she should take her pain pills. When you are in pain and throwing up or just feeling "green" it is hard to think about anything else. If she is really nauseous see if she can get phenergan suppositories and zofran dissolvables and have her use both at the same time. I finally learned that on this recurrence. If she can control the pain and the nausea, it will be easier for her to get out of bed and do some of the other things that will help her feel better. She should also be taking a stool softener and a couple of milk of magnesia tablets every night. I took both for 9 months but I don't anymore (I ended up at the hospital for constipation) because I eat that Activia yogurt and don't need them except on a rare occasion.
Yes, things have come a long way, but we are still putting poison in our bodies and the consequences of that are harsh so her reactions are not outside the norm. Don't ever let your mom feel like she isn't doing as well as the other children. :-) I swear, even the sweetest most well meaning chemo nurse can make you feel like you aren't keeping up with the pack when the reality is they don't tell you how many others are feeling just as crappy.
I will be praying for your mom and your family. Take care of yourself as you take care of her.
Kindest Regards,
Jan
My mother was dx sg 4 in March 06 at age 62. She spent more time last year in hospitals than at home because of the severe reactions to chemo. They tried every drug known to man and she was still sick as a dog. She is now supposed to start chemo again next month. So yes, everyone is different. The people here are the most knowledgable and caring people by far. Just read and learn. You will see that everyone is really different in how they react to various treatments. It is really a great support group. I'm really sorry that you are faced with this, it's like a horrible rollorcoaster ride. Just take your cues from your mom. Let her make all of the decisions. Sometimes I just want to jump right in and take over, but I know that I can't, I can only share my knowledge and be there to listen.
~Kristen~
~Kristen~
This much I can tell you..If you are looking for a place to rant, chat, ask questions, or pass on some good news? you have found it. This website has the most amazing women in here, they have gone thru it, or are still going thru it. And we will all be there for you, as we are for each other.
I am stage 3c recurrent, was on taxol, carbo 6 treatments. I found if I slept in my recliner I did much better with nausea, as well as easier to get myself up the next day, was more likely to give in to sleep while in bed. For the nausea, I turned to carnation instant breakfast drinks, when I was not able to eat, and found it easier to drink thru a straw so I bypassed the tastebuds. Everyone is different, and has to find the food or liquids they can tolerate, to keep the strength up between treatments. When feeling better, go for a drive, or walk about if able. It def. helps to get out of bed, and out of the house, to keep a good attitude.
best of luck to you both and welcome to our world
butterflytc
I am stage 3c recurrent, was on taxol, carbo 6 treatments. I found if I slept in my recliner I did much better with nausea, as well as easier to get myself up the next day, was more likely to give in to sleep while in bed. For the nausea, I turned to carnation instant breakfast drinks, when I was not able to eat, and found it easier to drink thru a straw so I bypassed the tastebuds. Everyone is different, and has to find the food or liquids they can tolerate, to keep the strength up between treatments. When feeling better, go for a drive, or walk about if able. It def. helps to get out of bed, and out of the house, to keep a good attitude.
best of luck to you both and welcome to our world
butterflytc
Hi--I am 81 years old--I am going back on chemo for 4th time for recurrance--Dont know how much time i have left but dont know if i went to spend it on chemo--Talk to the Doc and he cinvinced me since i did so good on the other chemo I should go ahead and take again--It is 7 years since i was dx--Dont think much about the cancer just do what im suppose to do--never really got sick just tired and tried to do some walking (not much) LOL--Tell your Mom to get interested in somethinmg even if its the soaps like m LOL
I know everybody takes chemo different I was very lucky--She is young yet (to me) lots of things to do--Tell her idf i can do it at 81 she can do it at her young age--Best to all of you and remember a sense of Humor is VERY important Good Luck and God Bless
Petey
I know everybody takes chemo different I was very lucky--She is young yet (to me) lots of things to do--Tell her idf i can do it at 81 she can do it at her young age--Best to all of you and remember a sense of Humor is VERY important Good Luck and God Bless
Petey
Hello....I feel sad for your Mum, and for what she is going through. This is one horrible blight on us. I was dx almost 4 years ago Stage 4... and chemo has been pretty much ongoing since then. What your Mum is going through could be normal for some, but it's not for me.I think it's important that your Mum can get up each day, even for a few minutes, to maybe walk about the house/garden. Some exercise is very good for us. I get myself out of bed each day, as in my mind, if I stay laying around then the cancer is winning this battle, and I won't let it if I can help it. Drinking lots of water does help flush the toxins through, so that can only be of benefit to your Mum too, and hopefully won't make her feel nauseous. How each of us reponds to the cancer and the treatments, is an individual thing, so hopefully your Mum will feel better as time goes by. There are some very good health drinks, which will give her the much needed nutrients, without the heaviness of normal food, if she's not feeling well, and unable to eat much. The folks here are like second family to each other, and I'm sure you will find lots of information, and friendship here, to help lighten your/your family's load.
Wishing your Mum all the best, and looking to hear good news soon...hugs..Helen...
Wishing your Mum all the best, and looking to hear good news soon...hugs..Helen...
I am a nurse who was also diagnosed with stage 3 C OVCA at 60 and was on carbo and taxol. I was prepared for feeling really bad, considering my years of nursing, however they did tell me that three days after the chemo I would feel like I had the flu. I received chemo on Wed, and about 6:30 on Friday night the flu arrived, and I was not strong enough to drive my car home, all my energy had drained from me. I was nauseated, however compazine did help control it, the feeling of a queasiness was never totally gone, but it was tolerable. On the chemo weekends I would be on the couch and then my husband would get me up and moving for several hours at a time, i was able to do it. I have arthritis and it actually go better so I didn't have any new joint pain, I did get peripheral neuropathy, which is most annoying, but I didn't know at that time to take vitamins B 12, 6 and folic acid to help prevent the nerve damage. If her counts are down that makes it difficult to move. I continued to work out during chemo, getting some exercise while on chemo has been demonstrated to improve our quality of life and mental outlook. Work on getting her to a mall or a bookstore to walk and get out of the house. Tell her what you would tell your patients, she is not doing herself any good by staying in bed.
There are a number of daughters who are helping there mothers on this site that will provide support, so will those of us, old enough to be your mother. It is a tough spot to be in, having your mother for a patient and trying to get her to do, that which she needs to do. All my best to you, is there anyone else that can assist you in this? Do you have other brothers or sisters to help you? If yes use them, don't do it alone. Marie
There are a number of daughters who are helping there mothers on this site that will provide support, so will those of us, old enough to be your mother. It is a tough spot to be in, having your mother for a patient and trying to get her to do, that which she needs to do. All my best to you, is there anyone else that can assist you in this? Do you have other brothers or sisters to help you? If yes use them, don't do it alone. Marie
My daughter is the one with OVCA, dx July 2006, stage 3, currently on Doxil for a recurrance, I also am a nurse, retired, I think the most important thing that Leslee did was not to lay in bed, not to sleep all the time. I am not her direct caregiver, I am on her support team, I do the research and act as her listening post. She had a 6 months time off from her job, after debulking, paid in full, then went back to work half days, now doing full time. She has had the rounds of constipation, nausea, joint pain, foot and hand syndrome, menopausal symptoms. Each time we would find a solution either from the clinic or from my research. She changed her diet completely and takes suppliments to increase energy and boost the immune system. I think the one thing that has helped her the most is her attitude towards the cancer and its challenges. She takes them on one at a time and fights to feel better. Laying in bed, saps energy, your mother needs to get a change in attitude and realize that this can be beaten. Develope a positve plan and follow through. Good Luck Keep coming back to this forum, these women are the best support you can ask for. Marty
Hi, my mum also had ov ca. She battled with it for 4 1/2 years. I have used this forum as a souce of information and a place to vent. It is used by carers/families as well as the ladies who are going through it - we are all going through it to a degree. You will find a lovely bunch of people on here who will be able to help you with any questions. Other websites are www.macmillan.org.uk www.ovariancancer.jhmi.edu and www.ovca.net. These are all great websites to visit and I have made some great friends.
My mum was on carbo/taxol for her first chemo regime. I do remember it making her feel very poorly for 7-10 days but then she was OK. Is your mum feeling awful right up to the next treatment ? My mums sickness was always managed by anti-sickness drugs until she went on caeylx. Keep encouraging your mum to drink water and ask her doctor for something for constipation. My mum suffered with a bowel obstruction so if you can keep things 'moving' all the better.
One other thing, feeling overwhelmed is completely natural. I went to all my mums hospital appointments with her and I felt exactly the same. But it made me and my mum even closer which I didn't think possible.
I hope your mum will get some good days soon. Keep us posted. Much love, Sam x
My mum was on carbo/taxol for her first chemo regime. I do remember it making her feel very poorly for 7-10 days but then she was OK. Is your mum feeling awful right up to the next treatment ? My mums sickness was always managed by anti-sickness drugs until she went on caeylx. Keep encouraging your mum to drink water and ask her doctor for something for constipation. My mum suffered with a bowel obstruction so if you can keep things 'moving' all the better.
One other thing, feeling overwhelmed is completely natural. I went to all my mums hospital appointments with her and I felt exactly the same. But it made me and my mum even closer which I didn't think possible.
I hope your mum will get some good days soon. Keep us posted. Much love, Sam x
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