My dad

[mellie4]

Just asking that anyone who prays to pray for my dad.  He got some results from a CT scan that don't look very good.  Looking like he most likely has lung cancer.  Some of you may know, he's 82 and lives with me ... or we live with him.  I lost my mom 4 years ago and I am so not ready for this.

They are setting up a CT scan with contrast.  The doctor said she didn't want to put him through a biopsy when she thought they may get some good information from the CT.  In '08 they found a 5 mm nodule in his left lung.  He went to a lung specialist and they said it was nothing.  He had a follow-up CT the other day and the result is now different.  The nodule is now 6 cm.

He has the same primary as me (who I love.)  I could tell talking to her that she doesn't think this is at all good.  She did say it would be operable but that due to his age and the scarring in his other lung from TB when he was young that she didn't think he would be a surgical candidate.

I am sick over this.  

[namnam46]

Oh how your Dad's comment made me laugh!! It sounds EXACTLY like something that MY Dad would have said!!!  It brought back some VERY funny memories for me.

What a wonderful Dad you must have!

Thank you for sharing that!!.....Sherry

[mellie4]

Thank you all for all the wonderful supportive words.  It means so much to me.  My dad has been so lonely since my mom died.  And I have a strong faith.  It's been hard seeing him fail the past 4 years, and I really attribute it to a broken heart.  He adored her.

Sherry, you've had so much on your plate.  A lot of people won't agree to hospice, which is a shame.  I lost one of my best friends in April '09 to lung cancer.  She was 47 and left behind 3 kids and a husband who is miserable without her.  But they never would consider hospice.  I think of how my mom died, surrounded by people she loved, with beautiful sheets on her bed and flowers she loved, and then I think of my friend who died in a cold, clinical setting.  I wish she had agreed to hospice.  It would have helped her family as well.

I have a close family, and that will help.  Though we are all so different; I'm sure there will be disagreements.  We all do things in different ways.  But luckily, even when we argue, we don't hold grudges.

I hope it's not lung cancer, but even if it's a benign tumor, it's still not great.  Something needs to be done due to it growing so big so fast.  Soon it will impede his breathing.

I hope, hope, hope I can mentally pull myself together.  I've been so focused on my own issues lately that I feel rather fragile myself.  I need to pull myself together.  It feels like since my mom died things have gone from bad to worse ... my surgeries, my divorce, having to sell the house.  I know it could have been way worse and I'm usually not so negative.

Hearing the doctor on the phone today really shook me to my core.  My stomach has been upset and I've been shaking.  But I'll pull it together.  He makes me laugh, though.  When I told him, he said, "Well, let's just get that lung out.  I'll be fine with one."

Tuck, thank you for giving me the info about caregivers.  That would be a great place for me even if he doesn't have lung cancer.  At 82 naturally he's had a few issues crop up.  I'm lucky that he listens to me.  He knows I have a lot of knowledge about medical stuff.  I am grateful that he switched doctors to my doctor who is wonderful.  She's brilliant and right on the money with everything (which is why I'm worried.)  But at least I know he'll get the best care there is.

The unknown is what's worst.  I just hope he'll be comfortable.  And I know hospice is great for that.  My dad loved my mom's hospice nurse.  He made a big donation to her agency after my mom died, and he had my brother make the nurse a huge batch of her favorite cookies.  (My mom got her hooked on a certain cookie when she came.  For a long time on hospice, my mom wasn't in bad shape.  The nurse would come, take her vitals, and then my mom would make her tea and give her these cookies.)  It was good because by the time my mom did start to decline, she was very comfortable with the nurse.

Again, thanks to all of you.  This is something we all either have gone through or will go through at some time.  No one wants to do it.

[melissaky]

I too am so sorry to hear of this about your dad .My mom passed in 97 from lung cancer ..Tuck and namnam are so right about hospice .It is so wonderful what they do .When my father-in -law was terminally ill 2 years ago they were such a support to him and us .He passed in his own home on his own terms with his family right there with him.I will certainly pray for you and your dear dad.I hope everything turns out good for him .You are such a good daughter to be there for him .Both of you take care and God Bless Melissa

[namnam46]

My Sweet Mary,

I'm devastated to hear of this happening to your Dad. By all means do as Tuck has suggested and PLEASE get Hospice involved immediately if you get the diagnosis that you fear. They can be involved from the start and are SOOOO helpful in a situation such as this.  

We had Hospice with my husband for almost a year and wish that we had done it sooner!! It would have saved us having to file bankruptcy because of the horrendous medical bills that cropped up EVEN tho he had Medicare.

As Tuck says as you go along you can add more and more services that they offer. They are a God send to families that are having to endure the road that you may have  to go down.

Mary, you know that we are here for you and ALWAYS will be. As you may remember I lost both of my parents 6 weeks apart and almost lost my husband the same summer. I would have given ANYTHING if Hospice had been involved with my parents but my Dad couldn't bring himself to admit that My Mom was going to die. It put the ENTIRE (I don't want to say burden, BUT that is what it was) on me. I was taking care of all 3 of them. With Hospice you have SOMEONE to help and guide you AND be a friend to talk to when you need to.

I still remember our Hospice Nurse's name, Connie, that took care of my Sweet Jean. She was SOOO kind to him AND to me. She EVEN went above and beyond the call of Duty and took me to dinner SEVERAL times after Jean's passing "just to let me talk" and get out some of the Grief that I needed to get out.

I will be Praying for your Dad daily AND for you!!! I'm praying NOW that this will turn out to be NOTHING!!!

Please come here for ALL the support that you need as we will be here for YOU!!!

I'm sending you MEGA (((HUGS!!!)))....Sherry

[mellie4]

Thanks, Tuck.  I'm so sorry about your loss.

I lost my my mom 4 years ago to lung disease, and we had hospice and they were a great help.  If this turns out to be terminal, I will certainly get them involved sooner than later.  I know he'll be comfortable with it, too.

The doctor said it was operable, BUT she isn't certain that he's a surgical candidate.  That's due to his age and some other things, which really are somewhat minor.  I just don't feel ready for this ... is anyone, though?  It was different with my mom.  She had been chronically ill for years and years, so it was more expected, and it was more of a gradual slide into her failing.  Two weeks ago my dad was doing all sorts of yard work and more.  Now I think he doesn't look great.

I wish I was one of those people who says, "Well, I'll block everything unpleasant out."  I have friends and relatives who do that.  I am just the opposite.  I jump to the worst conclusion (maybe because then when you get the real news it's not as bad as you first thought??)

I know hospice will help me with a lot.  When my mom was dying, I was in a better place physically.  I would have a very hard time dealing with my dad in the physical sense as I don't have any strength in my hands.  I know that my sister will help as much as she can.  My brother, well, he's different.  He'll help on occasion.  I know my sister would take time off at the end if necessary; she did with my mom.

I know people can't live forever.  I am hoping this is really nothing worrisome, but even if it's not a lung cancer, the fact that this tumor/nodule has grown so fast means even if it's benign, something needs to be done or it will be life-threatening and impede his breathing.

Thanks, Tuck, for the offer to PM you.  I may take you up on that.  Right now I'm still shaking from talking to the doctor.

[Tuckamore]

Oh Mellie,

I am so very sorry to hear about your dad. Of course I will pray for him. And my dear I will pray for you too. Six weeks ago I lost my 81 year old father to COPD. He had lived with us for almost 8 years. I know a good idea of what you are going through.

I know it's early but if he has a terminal diagnosis please get Hospice involved. They are great support. You only need to take the services that you are comfort taking or that you are in need of now. They will cover all his medications including oxygen if he needs it and so on. You won't have to worry about medical bills. But that is only if the physicians cannot do anything for him. I truly feel for you and my heart goes out to you.

Please feel free to send me a PM if you want more information. I'm hear for you if you need me. You may want to post on the Caregivers Forum as time goes on. It's your call, take it one day at a time.

You'll both be in my prayers.

Gentle ((HUGS))
~Tuck