Hi, I just had my first appointment with my new PCP and it went terribly in more ways than one. I'm not even sure this is the right forum, except that it does involve my pain pills.
I had a wonderful PCP for a number of years who I had to switch after I revealed my depression from my miscarriage and subsequent uterine cancer/total hysterectomy (becoming barren, never having children) and her complete lack of concern/compassion. I switched to the doctor who usually cared for me in her absence and our relationship seemed wonderful; however, she became pregnant (and I was happy for her, she even let me rub her belly and showed me pictures) but then decided to leave the medical facility to practice closer TO MY HOME. I thought this was wonderful, but to my chagrin, she did not want to keep me as a patient and asked me to stay there with the male doctor (who I did not like) that cared for me during her maternity leave and who was still miles from my home.
I refused and asked for a referral from her to someone she trusted and she referred me to this new PCP, another female who is a bit older and seems just as nice. When I got there, the office was kind of lavish but I passed that off as good taste. There was no one there, yet I had to wait for a good thirty minutes to be escorted to a room and then was informed there was one person ahead of me. I had been advised to bring my medications in their bottles for the visit, which is normal, so the nurse (I'm guessing) sat down with me and went through my med history and the medications and their use (commenting that someone as young as me shouldn't be on so many meds - a common thing I hear, many are not familiar with the health issues I've had to live with all my life). During this time, the nurse did something I found odd.
She grabbed three of my medicine bottles and said she had to "enter them in the system." They were my Tramadol (which is nothing), my Vicoden 10-325's (temporary pain killers for a recent surgery recovery), and my Neurontin (PMP prescribed for Psoriatic arthritis, osteo-arthritis, and spondilolisthesis(sp?)). There was no laptop or desktop in the room, so I'm assuming she was ushering them to the office desktop. But, I wasn't clear on why only those three. She brought those back in, and a bit later she did grab my Topamax (for seizures) and I'm thinking Hyoscyamine (smooth muscle spasms) and ran those out for the same thing. Anyway, that was it, she brought those back and left me there with the meds sitting there and I played my DS for a good half-hour waiting for the doc to show.
The doc did show and she was congenial but a bit off, she kept coughing. She thought I was a smoker (I'm not). I admitted that I used to be. Turns out she was extremely sensitive and it was my fiance's cigar-smoking habit tripping her up and he doesn't even smoke around me because I have asthma! She seemed to have my entire autobiography or something (which could be attributed to my last PCP because we had been very close) and when I'm alone at doc offices I tend to get meek so her authoritarian presence and knowledge of my past pretty much did me in. So, immediately she goes into mental health (and I do have history due to severe abuse in my childhood and early adult years) and I don't think I had a chance after that, but I'm not sure. I really am not sure if she discriminated because she didn't seem to.
She was kind, and rallied for me, almost. Unfortunately, I am trying to get SSDI and my Medicaid just notified me (after reviewing me last June) that they don't think I should have disability Medicaid anymore. She basically told me that I shouldn't be on so many meds, which I agreed with because that was one of the reasons I was there besides establishing a new PCP. She also told me I had been in the sick role too long (since about ten years old when I was sick with Scarlet Fever, and I was sick pretty much every year since, last year was the hysterectomy and I'm 35). She said I'm very intelligent (because I remember my health conditions and can pronounce the names - hello, I go to the doctor and hospital every week and have a MA in English...). So, she broke it down to lose weight (I am obese due to inability to do much physical exercise - use cane, wheelchair, etc... but I've lost 40 lbs this year with diet and minimal exercise), stop drinking (I dont drink either, not sure where this came from except for my NASH stage 1 liver disease with minor cirrhosis and drinking history but I dont drink at all now - I am clean as a frickin whistle, the drugs I do are prescribed), and that she would not fill any meds I was on but she wanted to help me. She said to keep seeing my specialists and she would help me, and by then I was in tears (and hiding it I hope), but it was clear that I had another doctor who was determined that I cannot be on disability.
First let me tell all of you something - I worked from the age of 15 until Feb of 2011. I sometimes did not work due to my health, and I ended up homeless a total of three times. I also applied for disability four times (denied - 5th time now in 2nd appeal), and for medicaid disability five times - I received it once and lost it at 19 when I was working part time and made too much money (this is 2nd time I now have it and losing it, in appeal). I went to college, yes, and earned two degrees. It took me ten years, and during those ten years I had drug addictions, went through rehabs, was in inpatient for multiple suicide attempts, dropped out twice and almost flunked out at least twice. I had to have my therapist write to a committee in order to get back in to the Master's program. I have Borderline personality disorder and Bipolar disorder, along with Major Depression, moderate psoriatic arthritis from my neck to my feet, minor psoriasis, osteo-arthritis in my knees, hips, and back, bone spurs throughout my spine and other areas, am morbidly obese (and that came after these other conditions, NOT BEFORE), PTSD, GAD, GERD, Colitis, Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, Diverticulosis, NASH, Type 2 Diabetes, constant fatigue and nausea, menopause, and these are just SOME of my diagnoses, not even all of my issues are known.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself, though sometimes I do. But I have been working a job, on my feet and in constant pain, and seen a woman who did Meth on a daily basis, come into my work to get her daily fix of cigarettes that she bought with the money she got from the government because she went to Binder & Binder and won SSDI with only a diagnosis of Depression, and I can't understand why I'm in this situation. When I do work, I have five wage garnishments waiting on me, and those are the ones who have went to court and won - there are at least two more waiting on me. Sure, think I'm irresponsible, but it was me in college with no health insurance and being sick all the time, it was me before college and after college and working a job with health insurance or under my mom's health insurance and racking up debt because of chronic health problems and the insurance companies disputing the charges because the conditions were considered pre-existing even though I never knew I had them!
I owe over 30,000 in medical bills to more than three hospitals, and that's after 70,000 of it has been written off. I am costing you and yours a lot of money, by the way, by not being covered, just as much as I would by being covered. It's a double-edged sword, I guess. I received disability medicaid when my cancer came back (spread), not when I first got it. So, I owe most of those bills for my first (and second) bout with cancer. I went through LiveStrong and as many resources I could to get help to pay it off, and you wouldn't believe how ridiculous it all is. Yet everyone sneers down their nose at me.
Oh, the point? About half of my Vicodens are missing...and should I stay with this new PCP? Sorry about the vent, been hard lately.