Aa
4 yr old waking up several times a night crying
my four year old son wakes up several times a night crying. hes screaming like he's in pain, but i cant find a single thing wrong with him. he is fine during the day and before he goes to sleep. he has no health issues, so i dont understand whats wrong. he has been doing this for about 6 months and always seems to wake up at the same time during the night. im thinking this is just maybe becoming a habit for him, and i would like to know how to break it. im losing a lot of sleep and so is my 10 yr daughter who sleeps in the next room. i have tried ignoring him, but he will just continue to scream untill i get in there to comfort him, and even that takes me a while to get him to settle down. i did notice a lot of times he will be scruntched up in a ball, and at first i thought he was having stomach issues, but i dont understand why only at night???
what about if they need to pee though... my 3yo is doing exactly what you are saying and i agree its becoming a behaviour and a habit! I'm so fragile and exhausted... but she always needs to pee? what do you do in the night if they need to pee?
1 Comments
Keep a small portable potty on their room. Like the kind used during potty training.
I also agree, night terrors. And unfortunately you cant do anything but comfort him. He will grow out of it.
Most likely he wont remember it unlike when having a bad dream. But i know how frustrating it can be. My son is 4the and just now finally growing out of them but i have a friend whose daughter had them til she was 7.
GL!
Most likely he wont remember it unlike when having a bad dream. But i know how frustrating it can be. My son is 4the and just now finally growing out of them but i have a friend whose daughter had them til she was 7.
GL!
My 4yr old daughter has eczema and is generally itchy most of the time - we manage it so it doesn't look too bad, but apparently its 'the itch that rashes' so the itch is there pretty much most of the time even though it doesn't look like it.
This wakes her up most nights and I can understand this - what bugs me though is that she just screams and has a tantrum about it instead of getting some help. She's obviously frustrated and just wants to get to sleep and her raging about is a way of venting some steam.
We've tried to confront it with consequences (just escalates the situation and doesn't offer much in the way of solace), closing her door (which just scares her and escalates the situation), and repeatedly offering her comfort (she just wanted more and more comfort - both frequency and intensity).
Eventually, we figured that we were trying to get her to stop crying there and then which was impossible. We've now changed our gameplan to one of offering initial comfort to make sure there are no issues that need addressed (such as applying cream or giving an antihistamine for the itch or something more serious like a fever, etc) and then ignoring her until she comes to our room if she wakes up again. Last night, after settling her when we came to bed (10:30pm), she screamed for around 45 mins the first time (12:09am), 20 mins the second time (1:47am) and every 8 mins for around 2 mins per time for around an hour (3:30-4:30am). The first and second times she came into our room eventually and was calm and even kinocked on the door and said 'hello'. The third time, she eventually just went to sleep. It reminded me on the first few months of sleep training an infant - you know, where the screaming/crying reduces in intensity and you can tell they're giving up on that strategy.
When she comes to our room, we are nice as pie with her and take her back to her room and settle her. From here, she settles quite easily and, usually, goes back to sleep. If she wakes again, we ignore her, she comes to our room and we take her back.
The key is to play the long game - focus on stopping her crying in 6 months time rather than now via behavioural methods as above. Secondly, remember to keep calm and keep talking to a minimum - keep the contact time as boring and quickly over as possible. Thirdly, keep physical contact to a minimum - no sleeping with your kid in the bed and, if you have to stay a while to settle them, keep progressively moving your 'settling position' further and further away from them in bed. For example, if you have to be next to the bed for a few occasions to settle them, next time stay a couple of feet away form the bed and gradually move further towards the door next time, etc.
To know when to move on, you are looking for that feeling where you 'know' that they settle when you are next to the bed - then begin trialing trying to settle them a couple of feet away from the bed. Also, let them know that you are not staying long - I usually say "now, dady's going to stay for a couple of minutes and then I'm going back to bed - if you need anything, come and get me and I'll help you".
It's important to say at this point that we ensure that our other daughter's door is closed so she's not disturbed much and we also close our door - closing our door is less confrontational than closing my 4yr olds and helps to reduce the high pitched noises which just stressed me out and really woke me up. Get some ear plugs as well to reduce the noise further.
The overall aim is to reduce the 'energy' associated with our previous approaches - escalating the situation just provided more energy (my daughter responding to her door being closed/consequences and was almost justified in getting angry), less talk and physical contact makes the whole situation less worthwhile (my 4ry old doen's get much out of it), reducing the ease with which my 4yr old can get attention at night by making her come to us (having to get out of bed and come to us makes it even less worthwhile).
Overall, I think that we previously made the situation conflictual and my daughter just expects that conflict now and is prepared for it by going from 0-100 straight away. I'm hoping that over time, she will learn that she can get what she wants in a nicer, more low level way - alongside making her current behaviour pointless. I don't mind being woke up to help with her itching, its just the screaming tantrums I'm avoiding. I've written off good sleep for the next few months though.
Just a further thought - wouldn't it be good if previous posters let us know how their children are doing now (some of the posts go back 4 yrs so the kids would be 7-8 now).
Stick with it and good luck - the joy of parenting...
This wakes her up most nights and I can understand this - what bugs me though is that she just screams and has a tantrum about it instead of getting some help. She's obviously frustrated and just wants to get to sleep and her raging about is a way of venting some steam.
We've tried to confront it with consequences (just escalates the situation and doesn't offer much in the way of solace), closing her door (which just scares her and escalates the situation), and repeatedly offering her comfort (she just wanted more and more comfort - both frequency and intensity).
Eventually, we figured that we were trying to get her to stop crying there and then which was impossible. We've now changed our gameplan to one of offering initial comfort to make sure there are no issues that need addressed (such as applying cream or giving an antihistamine for the itch or something more serious like a fever, etc) and then ignoring her until she comes to our room if she wakes up again. Last night, after settling her when we came to bed (10:30pm), she screamed for around 45 mins the first time (12:09am), 20 mins the second time (1:47am) and every 8 mins for around 2 mins per time for around an hour (3:30-4:30am). The first and second times she came into our room eventually and was calm and even kinocked on the door and said 'hello'. The third time, she eventually just went to sleep. It reminded me on the first few months of sleep training an infant - you know, where the screaming/crying reduces in intensity and you can tell they're giving up on that strategy.
When she comes to our room, we are nice as pie with her and take her back to her room and settle her. From here, she settles quite easily and, usually, goes back to sleep. If she wakes again, we ignore her, she comes to our room and we take her back.
The key is to play the long game - focus on stopping her crying in 6 months time rather than now via behavioural methods as above. Secondly, remember to keep calm and keep talking to a minimum - keep the contact time as boring and quickly over as possible. Thirdly, keep physical contact to a minimum - no sleeping with your kid in the bed and, if you have to stay a while to settle them, keep progressively moving your 'settling position' further and further away from them in bed. For example, if you have to be next to the bed for a few occasions to settle them, next time stay a couple of feet away form the bed and gradually move further towards the door next time, etc.
To know when to move on, you are looking for that feeling where you 'know' that they settle when you are next to the bed - then begin trialing trying to settle them a couple of feet away from the bed. Also, let them know that you are not staying long - I usually say "now, dady's going to stay for a couple of minutes and then I'm going back to bed - if you need anything, come and get me and I'll help you".
It's important to say at this point that we ensure that our other daughter's door is closed so she's not disturbed much and we also close our door - closing our door is less confrontational than closing my 4yr olds and helps to reduce the high pitched noises which just stressed me out and really woke me up. Get some ear plugs as well to reduce the noise further.
The overall aim is to reduce the 'energy' associated with our previous approaches - escalating the situation just provided more energy (my daughter responding to her door being closed/consequences and was almost justified in getting angry), less talk and physical contact makes the whole situation less worthwhile (my 4ry old doen's get much out of it), reducing the ease with which my 4yr old can get attention at night by making her come to us (having to get out of bed and come to us makes it even less worthwhile).
Overall, I think that we previously made the situation conflictual and my daughter just expects that conflict now and is prepared for it by going from 0-100 straight away. I'm hoping that over time, she will learn that she can get what she wants in a nicer, more low level way - alongside making her current behaviour pointless. I don't mind being woke up to help with her itching, its just the screaming tantrums I'm avoiding. I've written off good sleep for the next few months though.
Just a further thought - wouldn't it be good if previous posters let us know how their children are doing now (some of the posts go back 4 yrs so the kids would be 7-8 now).
Stick with it and good luck - the joy of parenting...
Just sent you a 'note' too. Do you remember how long it took for your 3 1/2 year old to adjust to having the door closed and self sooth himself?
I'm glad it helped you-it was such a hard experience, but has been a blessing for our family. Good luck! Let me know how it goes :)
This could be night terrors, but most likely it is growing pains. My 2 year old does the same thing, and it took me a while to figure out that he was having a hard time explaining why he hurt. If you or your husband are tall this is a real possibility. Try giving him Tylenol before bedtime and see if that doesn't help. Growing pains suck and they really hurt. I suffered from them for years, but i am 6'0'' and my husband is 6'7''
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