sexual curiosity?

[emilkat64850]

I walked into our living room today and caught my 2 year old daughter on top of my 5 year old son. He was holding her and humping her!

His pants were on but unbuttoned.

I explained to him that what he did was wrong because it was for grown ups only and not for children.

I also told him that people don't do that to their brothers or sisters.

He seems to be very interested in his sister and I know that he's touched her before and I thought I took care of it.

I've even caught him peeking at me in the bathroom throught the keyhole in the door.

Why is he so curious?

I no longer let them take baths together and they are not allowed to be naked unless they are taking baths or getting dressed.

He has shown her his private areas before. I just think that this is NOT normal curiosity and that somebody at some point has done something to him. I just have a bad feeling.

I'm not sure what else to do or what direction to go with this.

Should I talk to a doctor?

What else should I explain to both of them?

I'm so shocked and at a loss of what to do next.

[PaperMoon3]

Wow yeah that does sound suspect and makes me wonder if someone has done something to the little boy or if he has somehow  been exposed to inapropriate adult movies/videos and now wants to imitate what he has seen. I would definately talk to a professional and keep up with not allowing them to bathe together or see each other without clothes.  It does seem like something more is going on.  

[nlamb71]

You are very "lucky" it was only your daughter and she is young enough to be taught that his behavior is inappropriate. If your son did that to my daughter I would most likely ask child protective services to get involved.  Im not syaing your a bad parent, but hes seen, or has had something done to him to make him want to do that. What if he is 10 years old and doing this to a 5 year old??? You HAVE to think of these things now and stop questioning. Todays sexual liberations are so out of control we are actually asking ourselves if kids humping (naked!) is normal!!??? Get your son and maybe your family some therapy.

[Kimaling]

Hi Emilka:

Well, I am not sure what he is doing should be termed as "wrong."  I've read many times that around his age, children become very naturally sexually curious.  They often times will experiment with their peers or other children (like your daughter), but this is supposed to be harmless.  I don't think you should scare him/them.  What you did was right - removed them from the situations.  I believe that most children who have been sexually molested, would exhibit inappropriate sexual behavior with adults.  However, I am not an expert on any of this - I just read a great deal as I have  a small child as well and need to be as well informed as possible.  
Before you become alarmed, just observe him a bit longer to distinguish if it is just natural sexual curiosity or something more.  I remember that as a young child - about his age, I was definitely curious about the kids around me - both boys and girls - and I  always wanted to "see" their penises and vaginas.  I also used to kiss a little boy my age, that went to daycare with me.  It was normal and over time, I grew out of it..but they certainly shouldn't be frightened out of it - you don't want to create sexual dysfunction in your kids.

I am sure everything will be fine.

Best -

Member, Kimaling

[troubledteen_16]

heya emilkat64850 i dont know if this will help but i am a psychology student at college, i have just been learning about the stages children go through as they grow, sexual expreiences are part of young children growing, this will not affect how they behave in the future.
from the age of one, children go through stages...(forgot what it called) but at the age of one to two, they discover they can go to the toilet, and ae interested in how..from the age of two they discover they have different parts to the oposite sex and are intrigued to find out how and why
as any mother should know, children learn by touching and feelng, and by your son touching your daughter he is just discovering whats what
i know this may sound disturbing but it is natural. every child goes through the same stages, some more than others.

if it helps, i went through a stage like this with my brother, we used to share a room. i was extremely young, and didnt even know what sex was..but i let my brother feel my vagina, and he let me feel his privates. this put me at ease and i never done it again. another memorie i have of this sort of behavior is when i shared a bed with my mum;s friend's daughter, i had seen a couple snogging on tv and wanted to try it, so i asked the girl for a kiss, then snogged her.

when i look back i find this disturbing but after researching i found it was normal and natural for people to go through a stage like this when very young. you have nothing to worry about. your son is young, confused and wants to explorex

i wil try and remember the name of the guy who done the research (i better remember before my exam)!!!

if you need any more help email me x
hope this has helped x

[Kimaling]

Hi Emilka -

It's me, Kimaling again.  I hope that by now, you are feeling much better about this situation.  

I just remembered that when I was studying child psychology, I recall that Freud spoke of children's sexuality and even went as far as saying that as children, we are all bisexual until we figure out which path we want to chose based on our sexual preferences.  This is the reason that small girls and boys will touch or kiss each other without the slightest bit of guilt or inhibition. It is not wrong - simply normal.

Take care!

Kimaling

[Salyna]

This is a concern to be taken very seriously.  I think you owe it to your son and daughter to get professional advice on this.  My very unprofessional opinion is that it's natural for children to be curious.  We don't want to make them feel dirty when they are expressing their curiosities.  However, the fact that he has touched your daughter, is reason for concern.  For your daughters sake, she can't be the one he learns on.  Usually, curiousity doesn't consume them - it's a brief encounter.  I think the best thing is to talk to your doctor about this.

[emilkat64850]

Thank you everyone for your input. My husband and I talked it over and concluded that I may have overreacted a little and that it is probably normal. We do feel as though our son has perhaps seen a movie that was inappropriate and was just copying what he had seen. There's no way to tell for sure. But he certainly didn't see it here. We decided to just keep a closer watch on the two and take more preventative steps. If it occurs again I think I'll bring it up with the pediatrician.

[dpfitzell]

I am a single full time dad and I don't think that something has happend to him. They mimic what they see and every thing on tv these days are swearing and sexual I would say make sure you be carefull on what your kids watch on tv. I have a comment about the person who said they would get cps involved you are a dangerous person you can ruin people lives and I hope that you think twice before you do these things to inoccent people I would talk to the parent and share my concerns with them. I am just saying that reporting to cps should only be done in known abuse because you can heart other people and we as a whole need to support each other.

[missy1980]

I just have to say first that nlamb71 is way out of line and I seriously feel sorry for anyone that has ever confided in her about anything personal in their lives. How would she or he feel if her daughter was the one exploring with our children and we called cps for a very what seems to be natural thing!!! There are millions of people out ther wondering the same thing we are... Is it normal??? Studies show YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! That nlamb71 is probably going to vote for our next president of the united states GOD HELP US ALL!!!!!!

That person is still living in 1920 and has no idea what goes on in the outside world.... It was the 70's folks that started liberating!!! We 80"S kids just did what we were taught.

Anyway now that I got that off my chest.......

I too am having an issuse with my soon to be 4 yr old "exploring". He has a 5 yr old cuz and a 3 yr old cuz both are boys. He also has a 3 yr old friend down the street he plays with everyday. She is girl and they do not play what my son refers to as "sex". I am almost starting to think that maybe his father is gay and hasn't come out of the closet. Or is it just because he feels more comfortable around boys... he only sees his dad 2x a week. My son has been educated on "private parts" and also inapropriate sexual behavior. I guess I just don't know what else to do other than ask his doctor.  Could it be, you think that I am not spending enough quality time with him?  I am a single mom who works alot of hours, he has a full time nanny who is his grandma. I guess I am super confused. We are a christian family and he gets sooooo much love and attention, more from his grandma cause she is more involved in every day activities. Any advice for me????

[SL345]

Talk to your son about what he is hearing, seeing and doing. Ask him how it makes him feel to do these things. Share with him your reaction. I'm assuming from your note that you have talked with him about his private parts and the private parts of others not being touched or shown to and by anyone, other than you, his grandma and the doctor. Mostly, provide more supervision when these children play together. Use it as an opportunity to open up communication with your child about this important part of life. There are Christian-value children's ooks written on this topic.

[Kimaling]

Hi Emilka:

I am so happy to see that everything is okay with your family and that although you are still a bit concerned, the reality is that kids explore all of the time.  It really is natural.  Some true causes for concern, which I've read about, would be inappropriate sexual play with adults (the child would initiate it), overly inappropriate touching of private areas (like penetration of fingers/objects, etc).

For member, Missy1980, I agree with some of the comments that member, SL345 has made.  You really need to get into your son's head and start asking some serious questions about his environment - when/when you're not around.  I don't want alarm you, but have you checked his anal area to see if everything's okay down there as well?  Just remember that it is OKAY for him to explore and touch himself and kids do explore with each other - at this point, there is no opposite sex - yes they understand that there are boys and girls, but when it comes to exploring sexually, children are very neutral and it is an innocent act.  Please don't scare him - many children that are frightened away from exploring themselves, etc often turn out to be sexually dysfunctional adults.  It's natural and they should be allowed to discover who they are.  

I trust that the outcome will be positive.

Member - Kimaling

[mom2threeChildren]

CPS can damage a family wrongfully.  They take children away first, and ask questions later.  CPS should not be involved with a child that age, not if it is just natural behavior.  You as a parent can make sure that your child would never be with the other one that has the *curiosity*.  You don't call CPS first and talk about it later.  You remove your child, and then talk to the other children's parents about their behavior.  If you have an inkling there might be abuse, then you could do what you could to protect the innocent child.  And I don't just mean yours.  Children are innocent, and sometimes are taught bad behavior by things done to them.  Sometimes it is normal, natural behavior.  Please do some researching and reading before you decide to haul in the authorities.

[kms32]

I agree...we have to remember here people that he was 5! 5! It is not the appropriate thing to do to overreact and call CPS...A 5 year old does not have the intellectual compacity to understand what he is doing... I think she did the right thing by stopping the situation and discussing it. You don't want to scare the child so much that if something were to happen they wouldn't feel comfortable coming to talk to you. "curiosity" between ages 2-5 are very normal...I just read a study done. You can google it if you want. It was very informative. We have to remember that these are children...very young children, and it is our responsibility to teach them right and wrong...not turn it over to CPS and let them handle the situation...YOU ARE THE PARENT!!

[worrysomemore]

sorry but if your 10 year old girl got pregnant i doubt it would be because she was a vitim. at ten the curiosity stage and exploring dosent occur unless its being overtly taught or displayed as ok by another person, child or adult and i have to say that lack of supervision, values morals, and parenting skills would lead to this. you are verry loud and oppinionated and i think that you are so narrow minded you could probably see through a keyhole with both eyes at once. you probably have no idea how CPS operates, welll i can tell you that they remove the child(ren) immediately and ask questions later and it can take a year to have the ghild placed back in the home, causing the child undue trauma if the events taking place were infact "normal" by thier definition. You probably call CPS alot and should loose thier number before you ruin anymore lives. If you are that concerned get a BADGE and work for them yourself and maybe you will change your perspective. Im all about protecting children dont get me wrong but you need to learn the difference between molestation and age appropriate experimentation. Are you mad at what i said? I dont care. People like you ake it hard for mothers like me!!

[worrysomemore]

BTW: hows YOUR laundry?

[gunnersgirl16]

ask your husband if he remembers when he was a kid acting like this there are things we can't explaint because we are woman probably is normal for boys to feel this way and I think your husband should talk to him he will understand better than we do. I have a 3 year old and I remember freaking out because my boy was touching his penis well he recently was not waring diapers and he loves to run around the house naked so he discover his penis and is totally normal.  I remember asking my husband and said is just normal.

[redlight72]

You began your entire argument with the statement, "You are insane!!" You have already passed judgment on someone you don't know, have never met, and know virtually nothing about. In a forum such as this one, it may reach more people and positively affect them by refraining from calling names or passing judgment on someone you don't even know. Regarding the topic of discussion, it seems that you are unaware that ALL children do have curiousity about their private parts. It is completely natural for them to touch themselves and wonder about how those parts work, etc. It is up to the parent at that point to educate that child and answer any questions he or she may have. It is appropriate to explain that those are private parts, only for the child, but that if they have questions about it they can talk to you (the parent) about anything. Taking a situation like this one and not even going to the other parent involved to discuss it and put a stop to it is just another overreaction that turns the whole situation into taboo & makes the child feel that the topic is wrong and shouldn't be discussed again. If this same child whose parent called CPS has a question or curiousity in the future about his/her genetalia or sex, do you think he/she will go to the parent again? I seriously doubt it because they would not want another huge ordeal, in which case you might find that child going to other sources to get answers - sounds a lot like that 10yr. old pregnant child you mentioned, huh? It's always best to talk to the child first, don't overreact, it pushes kids away and sends them to find their answers elsewhere.

[Joanna36]

hi
my almost 4 year old son is always playing with his private part and he does it in front a mirror. he hides and do this, i don't know how to react!!  i know it's normal but i still don't know what to say to him.

[motherofan18month]

there have been plenty of these things happen between the smaller children in my family....2 of their doctors said it was just curiosity!  i myself did some things when i was very, very young (kissing touching, )and after that it was over. i know first hand what melestation can do as myself and both of my sisters were victims of melestation......dont be too worried about it..it will subside !!

[motherofan18month]

to everyone about cps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a five year old can not get a girl pregnant!!! unless puberty hits at 5 years old which is almost virtually impossible...i could see 10 years old because a lot of kids start to hit puberty at that age....WTF...........almost 80% of children go through the curiosity stage its just a fact of life.....i dont think there is a person out there who didnt go through that stage of life.......who in there right mind would teach a child things like that..someone who is very sick apparently and if emika64850 was that type of person why would she be asking for help online where almost everyone could see her post including doctors and medhelp personnel...if they thought something was up dont you think she would be informed of her misconduct from the personnel by NOW!!!!

[motherofan18month]

Sexual Play
During this stage, children usually begin to show a lot of interest and curiosity about their own and other children's anatomy. Curiosity may lead to undressing and sexual play between boys and girls. Some children go through a stage of wanting to display their nakedness and of trying to catch their parents naked as well. Talking, scolding, teasing or punishing do little to discourage sexual curiosity, exploration or exhibitionism.

Important: Avoid making children feel guilty about early sexual feelings. These are natural and universal.


I JUST PULLED THIS FROM A WEBSITE ABOUT PARENTING!!!! IF YOU WOULD LIKE THE LINK PLEASE LEAVE ME A NOTE OR MESSAGE!!

BEST OF LUCK!!!
~jess~

[Concerned_Confused]

my 5 yr old daughter has been caught 3 times hiding with her 6 yr old female cousin with their shirts off hugging, possibly kissing.  They also admit to being on top of eachother with their shirts off.  It started as prince & princess game which turned into mom and dad.  They intentionally are hiding and speaking very softly with eachother.  Both girls say it is the other that started it.  Both have been told by their parents not to do this or play such games.  Recently we told the girls that they are not allowed to be alone and if this continues they will no longer see eachother.  I am completely in awe that a 5 yr old can have such cuiosity I now know i have much reading to do based on everyone's commments.  

The other challenge i face is that i somehow feel the other mother is assuming it is my daughter that is the cause of all this.  

The most recent occurance happened 2 days ago and I was the one that caught them this time.  I definitely feel calmer after reading everyone's comments.
Thanks  

[kimkevin]

My son is 5yrs old, my husband and i just realized that my son watched an adult movie on netflix when i was taking a nap in our room! I should have taken remote away from him but i never would have thought he would watch those types of movies!!! The cover of the movies show man in women in sexy pj's, the videos ARE NOT porn, only rated R movies!!! Before all this about 1mth ago we took my son to my husbands cousins house where she has 2 boys ages 5 and 3. My son was playing with the boys when i noticed all their shorts were messy with shirts untucked i asked my son why his shorts were like that, he said cause the 5yr old was pulling down his pants and then they made it a game to pull eachothers pants down. Another time my brother in laws son and my son were watching a Disney movie when i walked in they looked scared i asked both of them what they were doing, my son quickly said his cousin tried to kiss him! They were seperated and talked to, but now hes already watched this movie and it does show body parts and man and women having sex!!!!!!! I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot help but to be mad at my son, reading all the comments makes me feel a lil better but i dont know what to do next! Is my son already damaged im scared hes gonna start wanting to act on what hes watched! My son is very intellegent, he rarely gives me problems, he has manners, i just dont know why hes doing this! Please leave comments would like to know what a professtoinal thinks about my sons behavior!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????? My son has been talked to many times even before all these incidents that no one touchs his private parts! Even when his grandmother tried to take him a bath he told her that only i could bath him and he wanted to wait until i got there!! So hes very aware of private parts and that no one can touch him!!!!!!!

[b_a_m]

Have you tried asking your son if anything has happened to him before? I was sexually abused by my neighbour when I was 5 and my parents asked me (in front of my entire family at dinner, very innopropriate!!) and I accidentally said so (was told by the offender that I mustn't tell etc.) it was good to get it out in the end though as he got charged and what not. 1 in 200 men in America have been sexually abused as a child. We can only hope your wee man hasn't but maybe it's worth a chat to him about it?
Best of luck,
Carrie