How long can a baby safely cry themselves to sleep?

[grandshosho]

How long can a healthy 6-1/2 month old baby safely cry? We are trying to teach him to sleep without being held or carried around but it is getting more and more difficult and he is also getting heavier and heavier.  The longest I have let him cry is 8 minutes and  then I get nervous.  How long a period is it safe to see if he will cry himself to sleep without any side effects?  Thank you.

[margypops]

oh I know how you feel ...I doubt that crying at 6 months is going to hurt him but it is difficult for you ,I have to ask you will his parents adhere to their own way of doing it ...he is going to get many mixed messages ...you and your daughter will have to get together and make sure he is having   the same routine other wise he will be confused .whoops up at midnight ?hummm..Until he is on a better regular routine that is consistent he is not going to be too happy and you guys will be in for a bit of a trying time ....

[grandshosho]

Thank you so much for your response. You are right about the doting parents and sometimes grandma and right now he does not really have a routine.  Until recently we allowed him to nap/eat whenever he felt like it because there were 2 of us at home but now with his mum back to work, it is difficult since I cannot get much else done during the day until they come home in the evening. This is also affecting their schedule because he is up at midnite, 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. and they need to be up by 6 a.m. to get to work. Today I tried again for 10 minutes of crying without giving him attention, not even showing my face anywhere near his crib (where he sometimes sleeps) and just watched/listened over the monitor in the living room but I could not continue as it was breaking my heart and he was relentless. Everytime he would stop I would pray he was falling asleep but it appears that he was refueling and getting extra air for the next round of screaming. So should I try for 15 minutes and increase if necessary? I'm not sure if I can do it but it may be worth the try. If I can, what is a reasonable time limit to let him cry at this age without hurting him? Thanks again for your response.

[margypops]

I think he can at this age cry longer and I understand how you feel ..Does he sleep in his own crib or with parents ?. What is his routine I would guess he is getting mixed messages and he has to begin a consistent..time of being by himself......he has learnt if he yells he will be picked up .. so loving parents are enabling the behavior.