i really need advice...

[kelsebby92]

Ok I really need some fast advice on this. It's like eating me alive. Me and my boyfriend live, and work together, but at work he works upstairs and I work down stairs. In completly different areas. I know its dumb to work st the same place but when I couldn't find a job fast enough it was our only option.  So we have had our problems in the past. But I can deffinately tell he is maturing from how he was before. With his twelve year old fits and such. And now when we argue it doesn't get as bad or violent. It's calm and we talk, or walk away until we can talk. But anyways, there is this girl upstairs he works with. She is 23,24 yrs old and aperently she's in a relationship of three years, but has had an affair with one of our co workers. I don't like this to much, as of the fact my bf and her are always talking up there, sometimes walking out of work together. And yes, she knows I am his gf and she ALWAYS gives me this death stair like this glare and when he's with me and we run into her at a store she will make this comments to him like awh your such a sweetheart and like flirt. Right infront of me. Cause he's poliet and holds the door open, for me and the acouple other ladies. And today at work she literally gave me this stair for 500 feet of her walking. Like down to sets of stairs and around a corner with her back toward me but her head basically turned the hole way around stairing at me. I was standing with my bfs good friend when this happened while he was across the room showing off our ultrasound pictures. And his best friend saw it to. He didn't know what to do his comment was "d a m n I was about to pull my ball sack out she was stairin so hard."   We both even told alex, my bf, this and I asked him before to stop associating with her because of the disrespect I've recieved. And he won't, he says. She's a coworkers its not like I'm hanging out with her and sh it. Ok yeah I get that, but I had to stop talking to one of my coworkers because he disrespected you. ??? What's the difference. It was so easy for me to stop with him. But yet you wont stop with her?? It really makes me mad, so mad I want to confront the girl and ask her what her deal is with this looks, because SHE'S NEVER ONCE MET ME! face to face! I really don't know what to do or how to react at this point. And its really stressing me out. I seriously want her to just bug off. Like I don't think it would bother me as bad if she met me before and had a reason not to like me. But she doesn't, and no I'm not jealous. I'm pissed because she's judging a book by its cover. And being a little highschool drama queen.  

[trying43]

Here's my problem....why did he confide in her about your relationship?  I would have a HUGE problem with that and I would take it up with him.  She may be thinking that she has a chance with him if he told her about yalls problems even if thats not the case.  Explain to him how maybe that gives her the wrong impression and by him continuing to associate with her she may still think that.  Say it in a nice way so he doesnt get all defensive. You can be cordial and polite to a coworker but you dont have to act like their best friend. Also next time she stares at u smile and wave or walk up to her and say"oh I saw you looking at me were you trying to get my attention  did you need something?"  And be sooooo sweet smiley and nice when you say it.  That will eat her up!  Or find some picture of a baby item and say "hey what do u think about this baby swing" and then go into how happy y'all are with the baby coming blah blah blah....kill her with kindness  it works trust me! I wouldn't be confrontational unless she or him gives you a reason to be.  Good luck to u!

[HartlynsMami]

I would tell her *** off, but thats jus me. But if thats ur guyz main income its kind of a sticky situation cuz is it worth losing ur guyz job. It ***** major for u. n u dont need that crap while ur pregnant. But i'd wouldnt back dwn frm her staring little games. Talk to ur man n tell him he wouldnt dig a guy flirting with u if u wasnt pregnant right. N if theres no need for them to communicate than there shouldnt b a problem of him ignoring her. Idk if talking to her would make a difference since shes so blunt about flirting with him infornt of u. What a dumb skank  cant keep her itchy lega closed, I hate those kinds of little girls. I feel all amped jus listening to what u goin through. Best of love to u hun. Try to not b too irked n tell ur man to shape up.

[pecosa521]

That's a tough position ur in especially being pregnant! Im sorry to say but if he really cared he would respect the fact that this bothers u & he needs to start thinking when he does something if he would be OK if u did the same & if he wouldn't like it if u did then he shouldn't do it! I mean he needs to be OK with her since he works with her but he needs boundaries!! I don't think its the best idea to talk with her because women are catty & I guarantee u she's just waiting for u to say something! Shed love for u to get crazy on her for the drama & she can tell everyone how u reacted & she can be the good person! I know how women think & my thing has always been kill them with kindness! Women hate that & its worse to them then starting a confrontation! As far as her bothering u with ur bf, thats totally on him & if he can't stand up for u then he's not ready to be in a relationship with u & just distance urslef! What's funny about that is, when u distance urself it seems as though they want u more so try it if he's not willing to respect ur feelings!! Good luck!!!

[Stacey91]

Hmmm sounds fishy to me! Id defo confront her like the next time your un work.. See how she reacts and what she says..  And even if your bf did tell her about when yous used to fight why does she care so much! Yous dont now! Men can be so stupid sometimes like.. But I def think u should talk to her, and dont mention the fighting unless she does

[kelsebby92]

I've learned about the idle threats with him, I used to be big on them. But he knows I'm serious that if he was to cheat on me even in the smallest way one more time, I'm out the door in a heart beat. But I don't feel this is enough to make me leave, I'm just scared because I don't know what will come out of it, if she either A tries to come at me, or my stomach. Because well its not small. I will go insane. Because that baby is everything to me. And B if she just walks away and completely ignores me before I can say anything to her. Will **** me off over the top because that's like 100% immature. And childish. I just don't know because then I would stress out even more no matter what. This is just one big ball of stress that really just needs to go away, and I wish he had the decency to make it. Because stress obliviously isn't good for the baby. But I feel he's in the mind set that our baby is fine because the doctor told him everything looked good.

[armywife1020]

Well it sounds very hard to be goin tru something like that especially kuz ur preg. Let alone that but ur his partner and if he really loves u he will stop talkn to her bkuz wen u stress is nt good bkus the baby feels it.  He needs to be doing what makes u feel comfortable and not worried abt what she is giving u bad Looks wen first of all if u guys fid fight is none of her business and 2nd of all she shldnt judge ppl she shld atleast get to know you and 3rd of all she needs to get a day job instead of bein all over ur bf wen she knos u guys r together. If I wur you I wldnt go get him any weed he shldnt be tellin u what to do for him to stop talkin to her bkus he needs to be lookin out for u and ur baby. And plus he has no right to be tellin u well do dis or get me dat and I wont talk to her. he needs to nt be tellin ppl what happen between u guys in da past bkuz thats ur  guys business noone else shld kno what did happen b4. I wld be angry too bkus she judging u wen it shldnt even face her what did or nt happen.

[breanna_d]

Well, if u have given him the chance for his side to be heard. Maybe talking to her is next? Whatever u do with him is up to u, but she will still be at your work making u uncomfortable & stressing u out! So that needs to be dealt with because it wont get better on its own.

Idk what to say about dealing with him tho, guys r frustrating & they seem more annoying when your hormonal! Lol. But maybe u can think about what is your "line in the sand"?. What has to change to keep u there or do u feel the problems aren't big enough for u to leave?

Once u figure that out u can tell him, but make sure u mean what u say. Idle threats that u dont follow thru on just teach him your not serious about what u say. Hope it helps!

[kelsebby92]

Well after what happened today I did ask him what her deal with me is, and he said he's said some stuff to her about me when we used to fight real bad, and then tried blaming his one friend for telling her a bunch of sh it about us fighting as well and that's why she "hates" me. But idk. I feel if I walk up to her I will get an attitude or defense in my voice, sometimes I do that and I can't help it. Because I'm upset and this situtation really upsets me Espically with my hormones. Ha I'm at the point where I'm starting to feel like I need to he got threw his head that I'm not joking about this. And I am about to start distancing my self from him until he gets the point. Like only say something to him when he asks me a question and doing my own thing at the house instead of being with him while he's playing xbox n watching tv. Idk. I'm just sick of it cause everytime I ask for him to do something for me he says he'll do it. But never does. And also for got to add this. He smokes weed, and he asked me to get him some for when he gets out of work and he said "ill stop talkig to her if you get me stuff for after work". Like really that's the only way? A.d even then you still wouldn't do it, cause I mean.. I'm not a retard. And no, I didn't get him anything. Cause I dont want to be involved in that anymore.. but still.. and I dont know how somethin would have happened unless they went in a trailor before they left work? Ha cause I work there to and I pick him up from work and take him home, n he never really goes out his friends usually come over... So I just don't know

[breanna_d]

Well there r several reasons she could be acting this way, obviously there could be or might have been something between them, then again, maybe she just wants something to happen and your in the way. Or possibly she tried something & he said"u know that girl downstairs? I'm with her." and she doesn't like rejection.

Either way, I would handle it by calmly, in a non-confrontational way, asking your guy if he knows the reason for her behaviour. Give him a chance to tell u the story. And then after u can have a talk with her. Maybe start it by saying "hey ______, can I talk to u? I have noticed that you seem mad or upset with me, did I do something to offend u?". Chances r u didn't but it will give her the opportunity to say what is bothering her. Remember tho, some women can be mean, catty, drama queens! Don't take her word on anything right off the bat. Use your wits to think calmly & logically. Good luck!

[kelsebby92]

Sorry for the book! I didn't even realize, I was kind of venting to.. its been stressful. But would appriciate any advice.. :)