Baby Shower Question ...a little OT

[Avanaar]

First of all, I live in a small town in the middle of the U.S. ...all my friends and family live on the East and West coasts.  I didn't expect to have a "normal" baby shower, but a friend of ours here in town said she wanted to throw me a shower and do a webcam/video taping thing so all my family and friends could "be there".  

She's only mentioned this twice, and the last time we talked about it (late Aug/early Sept), she said she was going to have a friend of hers help.  I told her my idea of a baby shower "by mail" and that it would fit in with the whole webcam/video taping thing.  I also requested it be done in November, since I'll be about 8 months by then.  

Well, she hasn't mentioned anything about it, nor has she asked me for email/snail mail addies.  I asked my DH if I should bring it up to her, but he truthfully doesn't think she'll be doing anything for me in the way of a baby shower.  She's always been rather flaky (he's known her a lot longer than I have) and he thinks she's doing it because she loves being in control of things and people.

So here's my question ...lol ...Should I just do my own baby shower by mail, or perhaps recruit my mom to help (since it's not 'normal' for the mom-to-be to host her own party)?  I thought about making a cute email about a stork and the USPS eagle and sending that out with an invite.  I would still want to tape it so my family and friends can sort of be there.

Or, should I ask our overly dramatic and flaky friend if she plans on doing anything?  I don't want to come across as pushy ...but I just want to know if I can actually count on her to do it!  She's the one who wanted to throw the shower for me ...she just hasn't said/done anything to show me she's going to!  And I don't have much longer to wait!

Any advice/opinions would be great!!  Thanks ladies!!

[ashiepooh]

Yeah, then I definately wouldn't mention it to her, because what if she purposely ruins it, and then tries to blame you or something?  That would be horrible!  Ahaha, maybe mail her an invite LMAO  Cause it's from your "mom" right?  Ahaha!  Ahhh, if I lived near you, i'd throw you one with NO DRAMA!  I kind of think throwing your own is better, that way for sure you know nothing gets messes up or forgotten about!  

My unfortunate MIL is a DRAMA QUEEN!  And so his her side of the family.  They actually yelled at me for not eating meat.  LOL  And this was at my daughters baby shower....After I had just had her.  14 days later, here she is going ballistic on me, in fron of my dh's entire family putting me down because of meat...  I mean Come on now!!!  Ahaha, but I haven't seen her since!  So i'm partially drama free.  Dh's sisters do that too, since I was pregnant the first two times, they decided they needed to be pregnant.  But the older one is failing miserably, by having the child to keep the guy around, and the other is trying to not gain weight while pregnant.  

Either way, I hope your baby shower thing turns out fantastic!  Make sure you get a good cake LOL  :)

[Avanaar]

LOL Ashie!!  "some people are always trying to do things to get attention, or make it about themselves"  This *so* describes my friend to the T!!  Whenever we talk to her to ask her how things are, there is always some sort of drama going on in her life.  We seriously think she's 1. a hypochondriac and 2. has Munchausen syndrome by proxy (if she's not sick, then her daughter is).  She craves attention like there's no tomorrow.  And it probably *kills* her that since I'm pregnant and having a baby, all the focus is going to be off her cute little girl and all over me.  =D  Hence, why my DH thinks that's why she wants to host a baby shower ...to put herself back in control of the situation.

[ashiepooh]

I'd just go with the by mail thing and not even worry about asking her then.  I don't want you to be disappointed, or hurt.  And some people are always trying to do things to get attention, or make it about themselves!

[Avanaar]

So here's a little update!

I spoke with my mom about my "scheme" and she's all for it.  She is very willing to be my "host" for the baby shower by mail.  

As for my friend, I talked to hubby again.  I mentioned to him that either way I ask (whether it's directly: "Are you throwing me a baby shower, or what?" or with the white lie: "Hey, my mom's been insisting on giving me a baby shower and I wanted to make sure you haven't made any solid plans..."), that I think she'll probably end up laying some sort of guilt trip on me and making me feel bad.  

He still thinks I shouldn't say anything about it and just have my mom do it.  DH says that if I mention it to her, she'll probably immediately be like, "Well, I was actually just going to talk to you about it and get addresses and stuff from you" when she probably hadn't even thought about it in the slightest.

Ugh, I don't know what to do!  lol  I'm just so hung up on the confrontation of it all.  ><  Well, like I told hubby, whatever I do, I won't be able to make her "happy" ...and it's not like this party thing is about her anyway!  

[LauraB78]

I really like YOUR idea!! I would just tell your friend that even though she is awesome, your MOM is insisting..  And then do it your way and no one would be the wiser!!!  I am not an advocate for lying usually, but after my terrible baby shower.. I would have white lied if I had known and just done it my way!!

[ashiepooh]

lol That sounds awesome to me!  I love that stork thing!  :)  It's cute.  

[Avanaar]

Thanks Ashie!  Like I mentioned above, my idea had to do with the stork and USPS eagle.  lol  ...Something along the lines of, "We would love for everyone to celebrate the Stork's delivery of Jaiden Thomas with Jessica and Jaimie, but know it may be difficult to fly in from all over the country.  The Stork has spoken with his good friend Mr. U.S.P.S. Eagle and he has agreed to be the deliverer of gifts to the new baby's home."

Or something like that.  And add my registry info and some clip art thingies.  =D  Also, like you said, by sending out emails/invites to out of state family, Jaiden might end up with more stuff!  And seeing as I only have a few white onesies ...the boy could use some good stuff!!

[ashiepooh]

I threw my own, but thats cause I wanted my hubby to be there and I did it at a bowling alley, LOL....

But I think you should go ahead and ask your mom, or just register and send out invites or letters saying along the lines of...

"I would love for everyone to come together for a baby shower, but I don't think everyone would fly in.  Here is my registry if your interested in buying the baby and I a gift!"

Something like that.  I have a lot of family out of state and out of country and I sent that out, and ended up getting a lot of stuff.  It was crazy.  

[Avanaar]

That's kind of how I was thinking about posing it to her.  =D  Just have to make sure my mom is on board with my idea first!  lol

[KellyA74]

I would just tell her that your Mom was asking if you were having one b/c if no one else is giving you one, she (your Mom) wants to....and see what she says....she'll either tell you to have your Mom go ahead with it or not to b/c she's doing it.

[kikicoates78]

I think you should as your flaky friend! Hey this is your shower! AND you are Pregnant you can even get away with being pushy! LOL I think she might have good intentions, maybe she just isn't very good with execution. Let her know that it is important to you to be part of this day and you want to help her!  I'm always the shower thrower of my group of friends, so they point blank asked me if I would help organize! I of course will, cuz I'm just that way! :) This should be a day all about you!!! Even if you have to make sure of it!!

[Avanaar]

I think I'm just so afraid of hurting her feelings if I take matters into my own hands.  But, I feel like I shouldn't have to be on her about the shower ...that if she were really interested in doing it, she would be contacting *me* all the time to get info that she needs.

When I talk to my mom today, I'm going to talk to her about the baby shower thing and see what she thinks too.  

[JoyRenee]

I wouldn't trust a flaky friend! Not with my life... or my shower!!! The thing about the webcam party is that not everyone will have access to computer/webcam either. That can get tricky.

I think you and your mom should work together. Your idea sounds great!

[Avanaar]

That's my biggest worry ...is that she says she's going to throw one for me, then when the time comes for it, I'll be horribly disappointed.  I *hate* disappointment ...and I really don't want to feel crappy about a bad baby shower.  And I've heard so many "bad baby shower" stories on here.  I think it's awful when friends/family members "screw-up" an event that's supposed to be happy and wonderful!

I also worry that if I go about doing it on my own, our friend will feel "put-out" or something.  But, like I said, she's always been flaky and stuff ...so I don't think I should even bother counting on her anyway.

[LauraB78]

I am no help here.. My sister threw mine and she is flaky as h e l l  and it was a disaster!!

I wish I would have just done it myself, honestly. You don't want ot to be a total trainwreck and be that disappointed... Trust me!!!

Good luck and let us know hun!

[pinkbelle]

Its your baby shower so you can ask your mom to help and I know its unconventional to throw your own baby shower but at least if you throw it you will know what you are getting into to.. and i love the idea about the email