Complete Spazz

[Renshai]

Alright, I've had three miscarriages this year, one was a partial molar pregnancy and every time I've been crushed. So, when I went for my first ultrasound and found out everything was fine I was a little shocked but still expecting the worst to happen. I've spent the last three weeks freaking out, waiting to have another miscarriage.

Today I had my 10wk appointment and things didn't start well. I kept having flashbacks to the PMP. First they used the doppler but couldn't find the heartbeat so we did an ultrasound. We found the baby and it was moving so the doctor said everything looked fine. But...I didn't hear the heartbeat or see it like I did at the seven weeks appointment. I'm really freaking out now. I thought that this appointment would reassure me but it's just made things worse.

I find myself asking things like "Do I really know if the baby was moving?" I mean, is it possible that what I thought was movement was simply the baby shifting in the placenta as the u/s wand was pressed against me? I just really wish I knew the heart rate or had gotten a better picture of my baby. My bladder wasn't full and the image was really grainy and hard to make out. I know I'm spazzing for no good reason but I can't help it!

[AnnieBrooke]

Why don't you get a handheld Doppler?  Mine only cost about $115 (it was the HiBebe brand, if I recall -- available online) and it was very useful.  By about 12 weeks you should be able to find the baby's heart.

[Renshai]

I called the doctor's office and they didn't measure the baby or record his/her heart rate at all! I'm the type of person that thrives on numbers, knowledge and statistics. It's driving me nuts not knowing things I feel are important.

[SunWorshiper_26]

You can call and ask your OB what the heartrate was it may be written in your file. I completely understand what you mean!  But if baby was moving it was not the wand it was baby moving. And movement can't happen without a heartbeat so it was for sure there.

I wouldn't buy matenity clothes. I spent the entire first and beginning of second trimester convinced something bad would happen and this baby would die. I had a previous miscarriage and then it took 34 months to get pregnant again. It's our way of protecting ourselves. We don't want to get hurt again bc the loss of a child is devastating no matter how little time they were there, even if they never had a heartbeat. We pee on that stick, it's positive and we instantly fall in love. At 16 weeks my mom finally dragged me to the story and bought maternity clothes for me. Even now at 27.5 weeks I worry that G-d will take this child from me. The most reassuring part is the OB telling me the heartrate and thank goodness for feeling baby move. The baby movement really helps. Just keep on trucking. You will get through this. Remember, you are not alone. Many of us have walked in your shoes.