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OT- I think my marriage is over
This weeken at my BIL's wedding my MIL confirmed to me that se doesn't consider me part of the family. My BIL confronted my own mother about something i said )that my husband didn't know he was in thw edding...which he didn't). This is the final straw for me.
I was very upset with my mil actions during our own wedding and told her so the next day when she refused to go help clean up the hall(after i came home to find my house a disaster}, then 2 weeks later i complained about our photos and she wrote me an email that said "the problems with your wedding started when you tried to seperate 2 brothers who have been close since childhood by not having D as the best man because you are jealou of thier relationship because you don't have one with your brother"-----first of all i didn't chose the bestman, my DH did, and i don't have a close relationship with my brother because he is a alcoholic.
We lost our frist baby at 19 weeks, my mil never called to see how i was doing, never came to see her son (she only lives 2 hours away) nothing. I ended up back in the hospital 2 weeks after (when my parents had gone away for a month) and she never came to help or nothing. 6 weeks after she did come to our house to pick up some mail, never took her shoes off (obviously wan't planing on staying)and never mentioned anything, barely sopke to me...i lost it and when she finally asked "how are you" i said " well it is hard losing a baby at 19 weeks and not getting any support" ans she said nothing. I had surgery a few months later and saw her 2 weeks after...again she never asked how i was doing.
When i was pregnant her christmas gift to me ( iwas 12 weeks) was wine glasses and a dacanter...3 wine glasses.
His brother is over bearing and i believe he doesn't like me because my dh is no longer his little puppet. doesn't do as he says. We have our own life. and we don't hang out with the friends very mcuh now because all they do is drink to et drunk. we don't mind having a few drinks. But my husband wont go to a praty cause he knows they will pick at him for only having a few drinks. Alcoholism runs in his family very strongly on both sides. we realize that and don't want to fall down that same path, yes it bother him that i am so on his case about drinking, but he wants me to be, needs me to be
sorry for the rant, i'm just devastated because i know that my marriage is over. i can't handle it any more
I was very upset with my mil actions during our own wedding and told her so the next day when she refused to go help clean up the hall(after i came home to find my house a disaster}, then 2 weeks later i complained about our photos and she wrote me an email that said "the problems with your wedding started when you tried to seperate 2 brothers who have been close since childhood by not having D as the best man because you are jealou of thier relationship because you don't have one with your brother"-----first of all i didn't chose the bestman, my DH did, and i don't have a close relationship with my brother because he is a alcoholic.
We lost our frist baby at 19 weeks, my mil never called to see how i was doing, never came to see her son (she only lives 2 hours away) nothing. I ended up back in the hospital 2 weeks after (when my parents had gone away for a month) and she never came to help or nothing. 6 weeks after she did come to our house to pick up some mail, never took her shoes off (obviously wan't planing on staying)and never mentioned anything, barely sopke to me...i lost it and when she finally asked "how are you" i said " well it is hard losing a baby at 19 weeks and not getting any support" ans she said nothing. I had surgery a few months later and saw her 2 weeks after...again she never asked how i was doing.
When i was pregnant her christmas gift to me ( iwas 12 weeks) was wine glasses and a dacanter...3 wine glasses.
His brother is over bearing and i believe he doesn't like me because my dh is no longer his little puppet. doesn't do as he says. We have our own life. and we don't hang out with the friends very mcuh now because all they do is drink to et drunk. we don't mind having a few drinks. But my husband wont go to a praty cause he knows they will pick at him for only having a few drinks. Alcoholism runs in his family very strongly on both sides. we realize that and don't want to fall down that same path, yes it bother him that i am so on his case about drinking, but he wants me to be, needs me to be
sorry for the rant, i'm just devastated because i know that my marriage is over. i can't handle it any more
I agree w/ missingolivia. All I really wanted to add is that my husband knows that I won't have that much contact with his family. He is free to go and visit them if he wants but I won't go very often and he knows it. They aren't in my house very much but if they are, he knows that they are to treat me with respect or they are not welcome. And if my husband doesn't like it, he doesn't have to remain my husband. I know that may sound harsh, but I too will defend myself and will not be mistreated by anyone. I don't care who it is. I won't put up with it. So, my husband and I have that understanding. I won't keep him from his family, but he won't force them on my either.
Maybe you should put it that way to your husband. Just tell them that if he wants to go see his family then go ahead and go, but until they can be nice to you and treat you with respect, they are not welcome in your home. I think that's more than fair!
Maybe you should put it that way to your husband. Just tell them that if he wants to go see his family then go ahead and go, but until they can be nice to you and treat you with respect, they are not welcome in your home. I think that's more than fair!
Well i agree and disagree, me personaly if my husband told me that i had to get along with his family or its over after they mistreated me i would say then its over, i'm not about to be degrated and not be able to stick up for myself. You married me not your mother, not your brother me and if you cant respect me enought to put your foot down to your family then fine leave.
My mil use to call me fat all the time and tell me i needed to stop eating stuff and bla bla bla, and she also use to say that **** to him finaly i told him i'm not going to your parents anymore, not untill they can respect me for who i am and what i look like. And tell them not to bother getting me anything for xmas birthdays or aniversary because i will just give it back. I'm hardheaded and i'm 50 pnds over weight and i dont care what i look like because i like my personality and so does my husband.
finaly when i lost my baby at 18 wks 5 days there family started treating me better, but it took something like that just for them to come around, and it still bothers me to this day that it took that, we have been together for 6 yrs and married 4
sometimes you just have to stick up for yourself and if other people including your family husband etc dont like it then its just to dang bad!
but if he says its not over then he sounds like he wants to work on it, and he is probably waiting for the next time she mistreates you to get up his nerve to tell his mother how he feels
My mil use to call me fat all the time and tell me i needed to stop eating stuff and bla bla bla, and she also use to say that **** to him finaly i told him i'm not going to your parents anymore, not untill they can respect me for who i am and what i look like. And tell them not to bother getting me anything for xmas birthdays or aniversary because i will just give it back. I'm hardheaded and i'm 50 pnds over weight and i dont care what i look like because i like my personality and so does my husband.
finaly when i lost my baby at 18 wks 5 days there family started treating me better, but it took something like that just for them to come around, and it still bothers me to this day that it took that, we have been together for 6 yrs and married 4
sometimes you just have to stick up for yourself and if other people including your family husband etc dont like it then its just to dang bad!
but if he says its not over then he sounds like he wants to work on it, and he is probably waiting for the next time she mistreates you to get up his nerve to tell his mother how he feels
I hope you & dh works it out bc alot of people go through this, me 4 one, I don't think my husband family dislike as much but I do think they will like to be in control & I stand my ground but It is really my MIL & FIL but I let my husband know how I feel & he stands by me but you do have to understand that is his family no matter what, you just need to learn how to deal with them without letting them get to you. But don't let his family mess up your marriage. And in case he forgotten in the vows it said " forsaking all others" that means everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish you the best!!!
his side of the family are weird! and mean!
why doesnt your dh support you and realize what they are
you guys seem to love eachother
i hope u two could work things out. i totally understand where you are coming from my mil is nice but my fil and one of my bil are weird! my bil is 37 and lives with his parents and is obsessed with me i dont know if dh ever notice but for the past year all he does when he talks to me is talk very strange and isnt shame to talk about dirty stuff and he thinks all his sils' want him. ugh hes 300 pounds i told dh one time that he is weird and talks weird and i dont like when he is by my son! he also thinks his other brother who is in jail his wife wants him ughhh he needs a life! so i dont like going over his moms and he gets upset. but u guys should work it out!
why doesnt your dh support you and realize what they are
you guys seem to love eachother
i hope u two could work things out. i totally understand where you are coming from my mil is nice but my fil and one of my bil are weird! my bil is 37 and lives with his parents and is obsessed with me i dont know if dh ever notice but for the past year all he does when he talks to me is talk very strange and isnt shame to talk about dirty stuff and he thinks all his sils' want him. ugh hes 300 pounds i told dh one time that he is weird and talks weird and i dont like when he is by my son! he also thinks his other brother who is in jail his wife wants him ughhh he needs a life! so i dont like going over his moms and he gets upset. but u guys should work it out!
i've had someone make that comment to me too....in fact, when my exhusband got his gf pregnant, they both called me bitter and dried up, and said i was jealous i couldnt have a baby(after finding out he was cheating, i got on birthcontrol-i'm pretty sure i got the last laugh out of that lol).....but my ex's mom was the same way.....kind of, b/c 1 minute she'd be begging for a grandbaby, the next, she'd run her mouth about how useless and worthless i was.....
but i do feel you, i'd LOOOOVED to have decked all 3 of them then, and 1 is a minister.....and i didn't even GAS, i was just ready to pound on someone!!!
but i do feel you, i'd LOOOOVED to have decked all 3 of them then, and 1 is a minister.....and i didn't even GAS, i was just ready to pound on someone!!!
I did think of some other things I'd like to add as far as what I do in these situations, but I have a deadline here at work today. I will respond in more detail tomorrow morning. I have found something that USUALLY works for me.....Not always, but usually. Like I said, I will write more tomorrow.......
okay. i know where you are coming from. my husband's sister is insane. she has a strange obsession with my dh. she is always in our buisness and causing problems. we ended up getting pregnant last year within two weeks on eachother. when i miscarried (which was my first miscarriage), she said "oh we knew you wouldnt be able to have a baby anyway". then just a week after my miscarriage, she sent her sonogram pics to my email. i wanted to kill her. shes got a 6 month old and pregnant with her 2nd and she still harrassess me about not having a baby. she always needs to know EVERYTHING that is going on in our lives and gets offended if my dh doesnt tell her everything. its crazy.
she the same way about visiting too. she has never set foot in my home, EVER. Dh and i have been married for 2 years and together for 5 years. she demands that we all go to austin to visit her, when the rest of the family (mil, fil, bil and his gf, other sil, and us) all live in dallas, which is 350 miles away from her. she is not able to have that many people stay in her home, which requires us spending extra money on a hotel. shes pissed right now because i told my husband i am not leaving my family behind to go to her house and be miserable for christmas, and my dh agrees for once. shes throwing a fit because we need to be their for her daughters first christmas! my mil and i had our issues but after our wedding things ended up being okay.
my dh tries to please everybody, and he never really stands up to his sister. i always get told to just "let it go." personally, id like to punch her right in her ugly face (sorry ladies, i know im being ugly by saying that but its just how i feel sometimes.). so dont feel alone, i know what you are going through. its a very hard position to be in, esp when you love your dh so much.
she the same way about visiting too. she has never set foot in my home, EVER. Dh and i have been married for 2 years and together for 5 years. she demands that we all go to austin to visit her, when the rest of the family (mil, fil, bil and his gf, other sil, and us) all live in dallas, which is 350 miles away from her. she is not able to have that many people stay in her home, which requires us spending extra money on a hotel. shes pissed right now because i told my husband i am not leaving my family behind to go to her house and be miserable for christmas, and my dh agrees for once. shes throwing a fit because we need to be their for her daughters first christmas! my mil and i had our issues but after our wedding things ended up being okay.
my dh tries to please everybody, and he never really stands up to his sister. i always get told to just "let it go." personally, id like to punch her right in her ugly face (sorry ladies, i know im being ugly by saying that but its just how i feel sometimes.). so dont feel alone, i know what you are going through. its a very hard position to be in, esp when you love your dh so much.
Then let him fix it, at least the man is taking some responsibility to maintain his new family and keep the peace. Just don't give up that easily, marriage takes a lot of work but its well worth it.
no Joy, the last time i was mad when his mom didn't ask about the surgery i was pised off cause she never spoke to me, and that was when he told me if i couldn't get along with his family it was over, and when i said i could "just get over" what she has said/done in the past to me, he said it was over and i had to beg him to stay. This time he just keeps saying he will fix it and that it's not over.
So your husband left already? I don't understand his line of thinking but I do know that for a long time my hubby was very defensive of his family. If I so much as got even a SMIDGEN angry with anyone he would defend them. But that has changed. Marriage takes work, time, and committment. I hope that it isn't over for you guys!
Its sad to say that some MIL cant stand for there sons to leave home and they are the ones with issues. You and your DH has to sit down and have a talk. He needs to no that he married you and he has responsibilities. The line i use to use are your Fu****g your mother? Im a real Bit**y person so i tell people how i feel(not in a mean way, but so they get the point). And if i cant get a long with the MIL i wont have any dealings with her.
Just sit down and see what he expects from you, and if you cant get along with the inlaws tell him that, you didnt marry them like mumita said, you married him.
Marriage is like a JOB you have to work at it.
Good luck and i will keep you in my prayers
Just sit down and see what he expects from you, and if you cant get along with the inlaws tell him that, you didnt marry them like mumita said, you married him.
Marriage is like a JOB you have to work at it.
Good luck and i will keep you in my prayers
well, i think that it is awesome that you are trying to be open with his family!
i was thinking about your situation and i came to the conclusion that they are the ones hurting their relationship with your hubby, and that it really has nothing to do with you. they are pushing you away and effectively pushing your husband away from. if they were smart they would just keep their mouths shut and appreciate the time that they do have with him. maybe try just sending him to visit, you could have a girls night out or something while he is gone. just a thought.
to be honest, i wish i had a more open relationship with my hubbies family. but you know what, after watching them together i realize that they are just nothing like my family and that would be expecting too much from them. they just aren't into having open, emotional relationships. actually, i feel like its an intelligence battle whenever you visit, its all about who knows more. so maybe his family is just cold that way. that would explain why she never asks how you're doing. anyway, if i was you, which i'm not, so you dont have to like what i say. but if i were you...i would just stop trying and let it all flow. remember your husband picked you he didn't pick his family. (my hubby says that to me about some situations you see out there) if they are cold to you, be cold back if you want, or be extra cheerful, that might tick em off for a bit for giggles. just try to ignore his family and focus on your family. if they want a part of it then they will come to you. let your hubby deal with them in his own time. perhaps make a nice dinner and talk to him about it gently. he might just be scared or not know how to approach things. remind him that you are a team and that together you can get through anything.
stay strong and believe in yourself!
i was thinking about your situation and i came to the conclusion that they are the ones hurting their relationship with your hubby, and that it really has nothing to do with you. they are pushing you away and effectively pushing your husband away from. if they were smart they would just keep their mouths shut and appreciate the time that they do have with him. maybe try just sending him to visit, you could have a girls night out or something while he is gone. just a thought.
to be honest, i wish i had a more open relationship with my hubbies family. but you know what, after watching them together i realize that they are just nothing like my family and that would be expecting too much from them. they just aren't into having open, emotional relationships. actually, i feel like its an intelligence battle whenever you visit, its all about who knows more. so maybe his family is just cold that way. that would explain why she never asks how you're doing. anyway, if i was you, which i'm not, so you dont have to like what i say. but if i were you...i would just stop trying and let it all flow. remember your husband picked you he didn't pick his family. (my hubby says that to me about some situations you see out there) if they are cold to you, be cold back if you want, or be extra cheerful, that might tick em off for a bit for giggles. just try to ignore his family and focus on your family. if they want a part of it then they will come to you. let your hubby deal with them in his own time. perhaps make a nice dinner and talk to him about it gently. he might just be scared or not know how to approach things. remind him that you are a team and that together you can get through anything.
stay strong and believe in yourself!
He's says he going to "fix it" but yet he does nothing. Last time we had this blow out he said I have to get along with his family or it was over. I begged him not to leave. But I don't want people like them in my life. I don't want to be hurt over and over again. I HAVE tried, i gave the step-sil a beautiful baby shower a year ago, and the mil was nothing but a problem...she wanted it after the baby was born, but my sil wanted it before so i had it before the mil didn't even bring anything. Then last christmas i planned a big party on boxing day for my husband family...his mom or any of his family didnt come ad his brother came for 1/2hr before it started because he wanted to watch the hockey game. we didn't think anyone was gonna come, but finally his dad's side started showing up (which is why i had it, for them) and it was a huge success.
I wanted to do marriage counsling ever since the first situation after the wedding and my husband said no, it was my problem not his. last time he said yes, but it's hard to find someone in this town that is not client at the spa. so i tried calling a few places then gave up.
I wanted to do marriage counsling ever since the first situation after the wedding and my husband said no, it was my problem not his. last time he said yes, but it's hard to find someone in this town that is not client at the spa. so i tried calling a few places then gave up.
just wanted to add something a little humorous....
did you know, that back in the day(and still some today), men marry into the WOMAN'S family, and leave his own behind??? good lord, i think some of these "mama's boys" would poop their drawers if that happened in american culture.....
i say the reason i divorced my 2nd husband, was him cheating....but there was alot more to it....not only was he cheating, but his mom, AN ORDAINED MINISTER, actually supported it!!! when i came back from 3 weeks in the army(not my proudest moment, i feel stupid for it now), because of asthma, she flat out told him(within my earshot), that she knew i was worthless, and how i'd never amount to anything, and how i'd just ruin his life.....well, i always wonder::: now that he's left his son, and girlfriend, in california(the girl he cheated on me with), and moved to SC to be with some MARINE'S WIFE, and her son, and REFUSES to support his son(his father and stepmom gave my "nephew"'s mom $, b/c they were ashamed of him b/c of what he'd done--and they hated her), and i just wonder, now that he's jobless, essentially homeless in a town where he only knows his new "fiance", he doesnt support his son, yet demands custody, and all the **** he's done....if she's proud of him now....in some of my more selfish moments(and selfless when i think of my "nephew"), i've always wanted to call her and ask her that question.....
did you know, that back in the day(and still some today), men marry into the WOMAN'S family, and leave his own behind??? good lord, i think some of these "mama's boys" would poop their drawers if that happened in american culture.....
i say the reason i divorced my 2nd husband, was him cheating....but there was alot more to it....not only was he cheating, but his mom, AN ORDAINED MINISTER, actually supported it!!! when i came back from 3 weeks in the army(not my proudest moment, i feel stupid for it now), because of asthma, she flat out told him(within my earshot), that she knew i was worthless, and how i'd never amount to anything, and how i'd just ruin his life.....well, i always wonder::: now that he's left his son, and girlfriend, in california(the girl he cheated on me with), and moved to SC to be with some MARINE'S WIFE, and her son, and REFUSES to support his son(his father and stepmom gave my "nephew"'s mom $, b/c they were ashamed of him b/c of what he'd done--and they hated her), and i just wonder, now that he's jobless, essentially homeless in a town where he only knows his new "fiance", he doesnt support his son, yet demands custody, and all the **** he's done....if she's proud of him now....in some of my more selfish moments(and selfless when i think of my "nephew"), i've always wanted to call her and ask her that question.....
Well, I can understand exactly how you feel. My husband and I have many issues, but a big one is his family. My family all love each other and we are there for each other, but we are also all very independent. We all have our own lives. I am from here, but my husband is from Colombia, so we have A LOT of cultural differences and it is very hard. His family is very needy and he doesn't know how to say no. I get upset because we both work full time. My husband essentially works 2 jobs, I work full time and we have 5 children, so I get annoyed that his family is so needy because my husband has a family of his own that he doesn't have much time with. When he is at home, he is usally tired (rightfully so), and is mostly resting. I feel like the only attention I get is sex. That is very important to him, but I am female and wired differently. I just want some quality time and that's hard enough to get with all the kids, homework, laundry, grocery store, etc. And it's even harder when his family is constantly wanting one thing or another from him. Until June, his parents lived in Colombia. Well, they just moved here and it has been very difficult on our relationship. I have talked about divorce a lot recently. I'm not proud of it, but I have.
I don't know what the answer is.......I wish I did, but try talking to your husband. He may be receptive and listen. It is hard with my husband because he is from someplace else and was raised someplace else. I was raised here and in a very different way than he was. Can we get past it?? I don't know. Only time will tell, but it sounds like your husband doesn't want your relationship to end and I know you two are trying to start a family. I don't know how long you have been going through this or how many arguements you have had over this. If you guys haven't really just sat down and talked, give it a try. Tell him how you feel, and go from there. But don't give up yet.
I don't know what the answer is.......I wish I did, but try talking to your husband. He may be receptive and listen. It is hard with my husband because he is from someplace else and was raised someplace else. I was raised here and in a very different way than he was. Can we get past it?? I don't know. Only time will tell, but it sounds like your husband doesn't want your relationship to end and I know you two are trying to start a family. I don't know how long you have been going through this or how many arguements you have had over this. If you guys haven't really just sat down and talked, give it a try. Tell him how you feel, and go from there. But don't give up yet.
hi!
i agree with most of the ladies here. they all make some great points and i hope you take them into consideration.
i know you just needed to vent and my hope is that you haven't given up on your husband just yet. it certainly doesn't seem to me that he has any idea what you're going though. he may not even realize the stress this is causing you. so i would talk to him about it and see how he feels. express to him that you feel like you're being bullied sometimes and you need a knight in shinning armor to save you. then once you two are settled and are a team. i would approach his mother together. take her out for dinner perhaps if you dont like their house. but make a gesture to show her you are trying. then talk to her together, over dessert perhaps, about how you feel and what your future goals are. then it is up to her, if she wants to be a part of it, or not. (i am feeling like your husband doesn't want to give up on you two yet and am going that direction. but if after talking he wants some time off then go from there. but if you are trying for a baby that would not be the actions of a dedicated man however) then she and your husband can go talk to the brother about the changes he is going to have to get comfortable with. either he hops on board or shuts up about being left behind. he is probably just upset that his brother left him for a girl (my sisters did the same exact thing, its been about 3 years now and they just started talking again)
i would give it some time first off. but then i would suggest working on going out for dinner with his family more often maybe once every two months, or more if you are comfortable with that. you could taking them to a movie, or bowling or anything like that, so that you aren't stuck at their house where you are so uncomfortable. perhaps she only knows the stressed out, doesn't like dogs and is tense you. maybe she just doesn't know you well enough yet? i know my MIL was very jealous of me. i took her only son away from her and i made him happy, which was something she couldn't do. she didn't take to me well at first, didn't even know my name for about a year, kept calling me different names, laurelle, laurie, lauren, etc. and then a few years later she was the one asking when we were gonna get married.
you will see, once you have child it is hard to let go and let someone else take care of your babies. so try to be patient and give a little to get a little. and if nothing happens at least you can say you tried.
try to smile and do things that make you happy!
good luck!
i agree with most of the ladies here. they all make some great points and i hope you take them into consideration.
i know you just needed to vent and my hope is that you haven't given up on your husband just yet. it certainly doesn't seem to me that he has any idea what you're going though. he may not even realize the stress this is causing you. so i would talk to him about it and see how he feels. express to him that you feel like you're being bullied sometimes and you need a knight in shinning armor to save you. then once you two are settled and are a team. i would approach his mother together. take her out for dinner perhaps if you dont like their house. but make a gesture to show her you are trying. then talk to her together, over dessert perhaps, about how you feel and what your future goals are. then it is up to her, if she wants to be a part of it, or not. (i am feeling like your husband doesn't want to give up on you two yet and am going that direction. but if after talking he wants some time off then go from there. but if you are trying for a baby that would not be the actions of a dedicated man however) then she and your husband can go talk to the brother about the changes he is going to have to get comfortable with. either he hops on board or shuts up about being left behind. he is probably just upset that his brother left him for a girl (my sisters did the same exact thing, its been about 3 years now and they just started talking again)
i would give it some time first off. but then i would suggest working on going out for dinner with his family more often maybe once every two months, or more if you are comfortable with that. you could taking them to a movie, or bowling or anything like that, so that you aren't stuck at their house where you are so uncomfortable. perhaps she only knows the stressed out, doesn't like dogs and is tense you. maybe she just doesn't know you well enough yet? i know my MIL was very jealous of me. i took her only son away from her and i made him happy, which was something she couldn't do. she didn't take to me well at first, didn't even know my name for about a year, kept calling me different names, laurelle, laurie, lauren, etc. and then a few years later she was the one asking when we were gonna get married.
you will see, once you have child it is hard to let go and let someone else take care of your babies. so try to be patient and give a little to get a little. and if nothing happens at least you can say you tried.
try to smile and do things that make you happy!
good luck!
Man oh man thats rough girl! Its not your dh though, its hs family...they're the ones who are over! Your husband loves you for you, who cares what his brother thinks.
I just found out that my FIL-to be and BIL-to be don't care for me, but you would never know it by the way they act around me. They all treat me as part of the family, but behind closed doors they don't care for me I guess. Me and my boyfriend argue every so often and I tell him to come home for dinner or that I get upset when he goes to spend the night at a friend's(he lives with me) And it seems like everytime I get snappy what so ever, he would show his brother what I am saying to him (if its text) and they think I drive him crazy, which I probably do but only because he can't ever follow through with anything and I get on him about it. A few weeks ago (actually not even a week after surgery) I was on my knees begging him not to leave me because I am so in love with my boyfriend but for some reason he was pushing me away...and he told me to let him go and that i need better...and left. He came back about an hour later and apologized. We sat down to talk and I told him I was surprised to see him back so soon. He told me he didn't have anywhere to go. I said well what about your dads? And hes like "what so they can say yay you finally left her!" I was shocked and asked him why they would say that...so he explained it to me. So I said Oh okay so they know your side of the story and I am the nasty one?! I wish he would stick up for me....I am at a loss. I feel my relationship may be over too!
So evthing4reason, I hear ya loud and clear! Family sure does put a strain on everything. I get along GREAT with his mom...but thats because she hates his dad lol...and I hated his dad for a LONG time because of things he has said to me. I remember Steven (bf) was failing high school, senior year...he has a lot of mental disabilities, he's dislexic, and adhd...he can't focus at all and he had stopped taking his meds for it! He didn't live with me yet, but he was always over at my house. I tried so hard to help him...but he was giving up on himself. His dad called me one day and started yelling at me, blaming me for making him fail, saying all I cared about was him coming over to play "doctor' i was OUTRAGED by this...I was in love with my boyfriend and I was 17! And he was yelling at me for wanting his son only for sex and making him fail? I was with a friend at a gas station when he called and I started shaking and crying while he screamed at me. He made me feel like I was nothing but Steven's piece of meat. I called Steven and explained what had happened and he FLIPPED OUT. He called his dad and yelled at him, telling him that he would have already dropped out if it weren't for me. He confronted him on the doctor thing but had misunderstood what I had said. I told him I felt like his piece of meat, but he thought that was what his dad called me. So then his dad calls me again but I didn't answer and I get a voicemail. I listened to it right away and he's there screaming again saying how dare you tell my son I called you a piece of meat, f**K you, you disgust me, I don't want you near my son, if I see you anywhere near my house or my son I will call the police, I am getting a restraining order on you NOW!...I got so scared that I would lose steven, I called him back and explained to him that he didn't come outright and say it...and now his dad doesn't want us together and we were minors then so...but Steven never listens to his dad. Were still together today, that situation blew over when I got steven to graduate when I did...Now its between me and Steven...Were on a very bumpy road of the relationship right now...I want to leave him but I don't...There's so many problems, and the whole family thing just makes it worse. His mom left when he was young and disappeared so he's got a lot of family issues...now she's back in our lives...but we never see her, were in AZ and shes in Missouri! I only met her once, when we graduated but we love each other already! lol
I guess were both going through some very confusing times! Hopefully we both get some guidance in some way...Good luck girl, everything will work out...we hope!
I just found out that my FIL-to be and BIL-to be don't care for me, but you would never know it by the way they act around me. They all treat me as part of the family, but behind closed doors they don't care for me I guess. Me and my boyfriend argue every so often and I tell him to come home for dinner or that I get upset when he goes to spend the night at a friend's(he lives with me) And it seems like everytime I get snappy what so ever, he would show his brother what I am saying to him (if its text) and they think I drive him crazy, which I probably do but only because he can't ever follow through with anything and I get on him about it. A few weeks ago (actually not even a week after surgery) I was on my knees begging him not to leave me because I am so in love with my boyfriend but for some reason he was pushing me away...and he told me to let him go and that i need better...and left. He came back about an hour later and apologized. We sat down to talk and I told him I was surprised to see him back so soon. He told me he didn't have anywhere to go. I said well what about your dads? And hes like "what so they can say yay you finally left her!" I was shocked and asked him why they would say that...so he explained it to me. So I said Oh okay so they know your side of the story and I am the nasty one?! I wish he would stick up for me....I am at a loss. I feel my relationship may be over too!
So evthing4reason, I hear ya loud and clear! Family sure does put a strain on everything. I get along GREAT with his mom...but thats because she hates his dad lol...and I hated his dad for a LONG time because of things he has said to me. I remember Steven (bf) was failing high school, senior year...he has a lot of mental disabilities, he's dislexic, and adhd...he can't focus at all and he had stopped taking his meds for it! He didn't live with me yet, but he was always over at my house. I tried so hard to help him...but he was giving up on himself. His dad called me one day and started yelling at me, blaming me for making him fail, saying all I cared about was him coming over to play "doctor' i was OUTRAGED by this...I was in love with my boyfriend and I was 17! And he was yelling at me for wanting his son only for sex and making him fail? I was with a friend at a gas station when he called and I started shaking and crying while he screamed at me. He made me feel like I was nothing but Steven's piece of meat. I called Steven and explained what had happened and he FLIPPED OUT. He called his dad and yelled at him, telling him that he would have already dropped out if it weren't for me. He confronted him on the doctor thing but had misunderstood what I had said. I told him I felt like his piece of meat, but he thought that was what his dad called me. So then his dad calls me again but I didn't answer and I get a voicemail. I listened to it right away and he's there screaming again saying how dare you tell my son I called you a piece of meat, f**K you, you disgust me, I don't want you near my son, if I see you anywhere near my house or my son I will call the police, I am getting a restraining order on you NOW!...I got so scared that I would lose steven, I called him back and explained to him that he didn't come outright and say it...and now his dad doesn't want us together and we were minors then so...but Steven never listens to his dad. Were still together today, that situation blew over when I got steven to graduate when I did...Now its between me and Steven...Were on a very bumpy road of the relationship right now...I want to leave him but I don't...There's so many problems, and the whole family thing just makes it worse. His mom left when he was young and disappeared so he's got a lot of family issues...now she's back in our lives...but we never see her, were in AZ and shes in Missouri! I only met her once, when we graduated but we love each other already! lol
I guess were both going through some very confusing times! Hopefully we both get some guidance in some way...Good luck girl, everything will work out...we hope!
You married your husband and vice versa, you didn't marry his family and you guys are starting a new family. I don't think that you should break up a good thing that youhave going with your husband over them. I think that you also may have to give in a little because he DOES have to relate to them. I think taht you should talk to your husband and tell him what's bothering you. Most marriages break up because of communication issues or economical issues and if you don't communicate then you loose a good thing. Marriage takes a lot of work and you can't just say "Its over!" when you are having communication issues like that. If the guy was cheating on you then that's one thing, if he's abusive then yeah leave him but not over lack of communication.
Work on it, you can give in a little and he HAS to talk to his mother and be nicer to you because you will be the mother of her grandkid and she's going to have to respect that or not associate.
Work on it, you can give in a little and he HAS to talk to his mother and be nicer to you because you will be the mother of her grandkid and she's going to have to respect that or not associate.
I agree with the other ladies that I don't think your marriage is over. Your husband is a grown man and he has to realize that even tho he still loves his family and wants them to be in his life, he has started his OWN family by marrying you and starting to have children. Also, his mother and brother need to understand that as well. He may not want to do this because he loves his family ... but he needs to set them straight. He needs to tell them you are part of his family now and if they can't accept and love you for who you are, then they're not the kind of people he wants in his life. I know you said he's very passive and usually doesn't stand up for himself, but this one is *big*. He needs to say something or the torture on your end is only going to continue. I know it already upsets you, but it will only get worse if no one says anything.
So talk to your hubby about your position when it comes to his mom and brother. But be careful how you word your position, because he will be defensive of them even if he doesn't get along very well with them either.
So talk to your hubby about your position when it comes to his mom and brother. But be careful how you word your position, because he will be defensive of them even if he doesn't get along very well with them either.
This hits very close to home. My SIL has a MIL from H.E.L.L. Okay, not literally... but anyway my SIL told her husband, "When you married me, you LEFT your parents' home. You are no longer under their authority. So you have to choose; your wife or your mom."
This woman was absolutely nuts. They had to cut off all contact from her because it was so unhealthy. This woman even took it out on her grandchildren (would ignore them, never visit them, never call for updates, never even ASKED how the children were). She was always calling my SIL names and telling her that she was worthless and an awful wife--- and you know what? My SIL is a sweet woman. She's the opposite of what her MIL claimed.
My only advice to you is to have one serious discussion with your husband. It doesn't have to be over with him.
This woman was absolutely nuts. They had to cut off all contact from her because it was so unhealthy. This woman even took it out on her grandchildren (would ignore them, never visit them, never call for updates, never even ASKED how the children were). She was always calling my SIL names and telling her that she was worthless and an awful wife--- and you know what? My SIL is a sweet woman. She's the opposite of what her MIL claimed.
My only advice to you is to have one serious discussion with your husband. It doesn't have to be over with him.
that is pathetic.....df and i have had our problems with his family, and it's never come to the point where he says he'd kick me out, or leave me because his family doesn't like me(which, in all honesty, most of them don't, and i dont' GAF).....
your husband seems like he wants to please everyone....and that's not possible anymore lol....he married YOU, he left HOME.....therefore, his 1st obligation is to YOU, not his mom and brother.....and i can't hold the dogs against you, i hate when i find my cats have been on the counter, and they leave hair there....omg talk about ready to kill lol....but they don't get hair on my dishes and food.....eeewwww.....how long have you been married? and how DARE your BIL talk to your mother about something like that? no offense to your mom, but it's not her business really, is it? she helped you plan the GIRLY part, your dh picked his 'attendants'....and how did dh not know he was in the wedding? oh gee, maybe someone made an assumption that he just had telepathy? that he KNEW he had all this stuff to do to help out, and he just didn't do it? maybe he didn't want to be involved in it.....man, if my df's brother attempted to say ANYTHING to my mom(they've never even met, but she knows the drama he's created, and continues to create-from freaking JAIL!), he'd soooo get his hiney handed to him.....
i really doubt your marriage is over....maybe dh is just roughing it, because he doesn't really know what to say, or who to say the right things to.....it seems your MIL hasn't liked you from day 1, so why did it take all this time for dh to notice and be a butt-head about it lol.....if he was so worried about his family, i'm pretty sure he'd have already split from you.....also, and guys never think about this--but if a man is willing to leave his wife for his mom, what makes them think we won't leave them for our's? sorry, it's just that most men have a 'God Complex" and think we'd never leave them, b/c this or that.....but then they do the same thing they thought you'd never do....ok that part makes sense to me, but idk if you'll see what i meant lol
your husband seems like he wants to please everyone....and that's not possible anymore lol....he married YOU, he left HOME.....therefore, his 1st obligation is to YOU, not his mom and brother.....and i can't hold the dogs against you, i hate when i find my cats have been on the counter, and they leave hair there....omg talk about ready to kill lol....but they don't get hair on my dishes and food.....eeewwww.....how long have you been married? and how DARE your BIL talk to your mother about something like that? no offense to your mom, but it's not her business really, is it? she helped you plan the GIRLY part, your dh picked his 'attendants'....and how did dh not know he was in the wedding? oh gee, maybe someone made an assumption that he just had telepathy? that he KNEW he had all this stuff to do to help out, and he just didn't do it? maybe he didn't want to be involved in it.....man, if my df's brother attempted to say ANYTHING to my mom(they've never even met, but she knows the drama he's created, and continues to create-from freaking JAIL!), he'd soooo get his hiney handed to him.....
i really doubt your marriage is over....maybe dh is just roughing it, because he doesn't really know what to say, or who to say the right things to.....it seems your MIL hasn't liked you from day 1, so why did it take all this time for dh to notice and be a butt-head about it lol.....if he was so worried about his family, i'm pretty sure he'd have already split from you.....also, and guys never think about this--but if a man is willing to leave his wife for his mom, what makes them think we won't leave them for our's? sorry, it's just that most men have a 'God Complex" and think we'd never leave them, b/c this or that.....but then they do the same thing they thought you'd never do....ok that part makes sense to me, but idk if you'll see what i meant lol
becaue i stood up to her afer our wedding (when we went home the next mornign and found our house a disaster) before our wedding she had done numerous things that bother me, but i was just letting them pass. Then i asked her to go help my parents clean up and she said no i said there was no reason she couldnt. she was on vacation and didnt need to rush home. Her and my BIL are exactly the same. the need to be in control, they have strong persoanlitys. They don't like it because my husband whi is the most passive person you've ever met, no longer does what they tell him to, that he is now his own person. My BIL hasn't liked me since the first time dh(boyfriend at the time) told him he and his friends couldn't play poker at his place because i had to work in the morning.
me and my husband are both very quiet shy people, whenwe first started dating we actually had people ask us if we even spoke to each other. I however, will stand up for what i believe in where my husband won't, he's even more quiet then me
me and my husband are both very quiet shy people, whenwe first started dating we actually had people ask us if we even spoke to each other. I however, will stand up for what i believe in where my husband won't, he's even more quiet then me
Why can't she come to YOUR home and visit, I would explain to her that you have a mild allergy to dogs....or maybe you and DH could go visit her, but meet in public or at another family member friends house if there is one on the area?
It just seems like something more must have happened? She can't just dislike you for NO reason??
It just seems like something more must have happened? She can't just dislike you for NO reason??
She won't call him or email him, unles he does her first. And she doesnt come visit because we don't go there,,,well see they have like 11 dogs. and i HATE dogs, and most of them now our "little" dogs which i can't stand even more. and the bigger ones have long gross hair that is everywheres and in the food and on the dishes. I get a stress rash everytime we go. I am scared of dogs intil i get to know them, and little dogs i just don't like. It's so overwhelming because they are all in the little tiny house jumping over me or sitting (the big ones well and the little ones too) on me.
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