2nd trimester sex or lack of...

[Mumita]

I'm getting really frustrated about this,and emotional.

Ever since I got a belly and I have been feeling the baby kick, I just don't want to have sex because I feel like an incubator.  Anyway, I think my husband since I "popped" he doesn't want to have sex either, I think that for him its weird to have sex when he knows I have a baby in my belly, and I don't think that he finds pregnancy sexy at all.  He says that I look beautiful and that the belly is really cute and he wants to touch my belly all the time, but there is NO sexual touching at all or no sexual advances or suggestions either.
And then I know that if we do have sex, I wont enjoy it because I don't feel sexy and its hard to get in the mood when I have a little someone kicking me and I'm being so self concious.
Don't get me wrong I love being pregnant and I love feeling the baby, but I don't feel sexy and I'm too self concious which I've never been and I've always been very sexual.....

Is this normal?  How do you guys get over feeling this self-concious?

[sweetangel7]

It can be hard on bottom too!  Dh had to do like a push up the entire time because of my belly between us and he didn't want to put any pressure on it...although he did a little...maybe it wasn't the best choice of position.  But when I was in my early 20w, I was showing, and had a definite little prego belly but at least it wasn't in the way...now it is in the way...even when I do things like walk!  I walk into stuff all the time because I have no concept of how far I stick out now!  I think I can squeeze into a room with the door partially closed and end up wedging myself lol...

[Mumita]

the belly is not huge yet but its big enough to make me feel very self concious, I don't know I just feel like the pillsbury dough boy.  I'll try to get it on soon maybe to just to try to get over this slump.
Deffinitely I wont be on top, I can't have him stare at my belly while doing it.  We'll figure it out I guess, or wait...:(

[sweetangel7]

Take advantage of the smaller belly while you can!  Now that I have a bigger belly, it is harder to think of it...although I know there are different positions...the last time dh and I did it, the belly was kind of getting in the way!

[Mumita]

thanks guys, I'd just hate to go months without sex, I really like our sex life even though I don't really feel like it, or he.
I don't know, who knows maybe I'll jump on him one of these days.  I know that if I do my 'thing' he wont refuse, I just haven't felt like it and he doesn't initiate it either.  
I hope that we get over this boring stage soon.

[ArmyPrincess819]

Nah don't take it personally. Some guys get nervous when a baby is on the way and it can affect things especially sex. I would talk to him but I wouldn't begrudge him since you don't want it either. If  it were my marriage I would thank god we finally agree on something. We both don't want it. My pg has been so complicated and we were on pelvic rest for 6 weeks we both have really lost our mojo. I would just relax and know that it is short term. Before you know it you will have your baby and feel 100% like yourself again and your sex drive will come back full force. I hope you feel better soon...

AP

[tiredbuthappy]

sex??? what's that??

haha. poor DH.

[Mumita]

I don't know, I just don't feel sexy.  The size of my new bbs is great I felt very sexy with my large breasts, now the belly kind of hides the breats and the belly in all honesty looks kinda funny and endearing NOT sexy.  My husband says that I look attractive but the thought of a baby inside of me makes it weird for him.  Specially now that he wants to touch my belly to feel the baby move.  Its all very sweet the way that he's acting but the hand that touches my belly does not extend to other places ;)

If I buy any sexy lingerie he'll probably start laughing because I am soooo NOT the lingerie type, I'm more of the flowery cotton bikinis type.

Who knows, I don't really know what he's thinking, I just know what he's not doing and I feel very self concious.

[Tasia32]

I third what Chantel and GRose said, it seems ever since the morning sickness stopped I have wanted it like everyday. DH is the one that is like I can't do it everyday, lol. I also feel extremely sexy and beautiful because one I always thought that pregnant women can be beautiful and sexy but also because DH shows me that he thinks that I am beautiful and sexy and I believe that helps.

[GRose]

I am with Chantel, with both pregnancies except during the morning sickness period I always want sex. I feel sexier than ever when I am pregnant, I just find pregnancy to be such an amazing and beautiful time.

[chantal21]

I guess I'm odd...lol. With my first I wanted it ALL the time, I think my hubby wanted a break...not me! haha. Somehow I still felt sexy and confident even with my big round belly, except I did have a problem with how my legs looked, but I just ignored it. Hubby seemed to just embrace my new body and was okay with it.

With this pregnancy, because I am so sick at night, it makes it harder to enjoy it or even want it. Not because my body is changing, but because I am sick.

Just try to embrace your new body, and a different kind of sexiness. With my first pregnancy, I would go out and buy myself sexy lingerie, almost every month, so that I felt even sexier. We tried to ignore the fact that I was pregnant and just enjoy one another for the time. Hubby loved when I had something new to wear for him and I think it helped things. I will admit, he was a little freaked out at first, thinking he would hurt the baby, but after talking things over, he got more comfortable and things were just fine! =) Our bodies will never be the same, even after we give birth, it's very hard to look the way we did before we got pregnant. Just some sacrifices we make along the way for precious children! =) Keep your head up, you are beautiful and pregnant!! Enjoy it and embrace it! <3

[bimbicat7]

i am 12 and a half weeks and i havent wanted sex for ages! siince we found out i was preg we have had sex once i think! i feel bad for him as he does want it but im just so not into it and not at all in the mood i feel fat and tired and just sex is the last thing i want to think about!
when i was preg with my son's i was the total opposite! i wanted it all the time and the thought of it never worried me at all, but this time i dont know it just feels wrong/ weird/.
hopefully once im not so tired and sickness had completely gone things in the bedroom with improve i feel really sorry for my partner but hes great about it, its very hard tho when your uncomfortable and in pain at times and just so tired! even the thought of sex makes me feel weird these days!!!!!!!! ah whats wrong with me!!!! hahah

[Sasha80]

For me, it's not the insecurity.  I have had a bladder infection for 3 months now therefore, intercourse is painful.  I have had to obstain because I just can't "do it" while hurting so much. So needless to say, it's been awhile.  With my first, my hubby thought it was gross to have sex while pregnant until I was overdue and we were trying to get her out.  Didn't work to have sex to induce labour but we tried.

[NicMom]

I feel like a cow and the fact that I'm exhausted by 9 and sometimes get nausious all keep us from having sex. When we were ttc we had sex like 5 times a week and now it's like 2 times every other week. He thinks the pregnant body is beautiful and so if only I could feel the same way he might get lucky more often.

You know on top of all the other little issues that we have to work around is the belly. Just recently the belly is starting to get in the way.

[sweetangel7]

Just like many of the other ladies, I feel the same way!!!  DH and I haven't talked about it but we were very 'active' prior to pregnancy so it is a weird change in the dynamics of our relationship...earlier on prior to 18w he'd chase me around still and pinch my butt and stuff and we were somewhat active but I got put on pelvic rest from weeks 18-26 and I think it might have scared him a bit...although we did do it once while I should have been on 'rest'...After that,  it has been like twice and each time I felt real whale-ish and just not sexy...he says I'm beautiful etc. etc.  but I agree with beautiful and sexy being two different things...AND he has not dared to say that I am not attractive to him anymore because he knows that would push me over the edge!  I just chalk this up to one of the sacrifices of pregnancy and I hope that we are able to 'move' past this after baby comes!  Hang in there!!!!  I so feel for you!  And for me, sex hasn't felt the same anyways...a little uncomfortable for some reason.

[Mumita]

Roke- Specifically is my huge areolas that have gotten chocolate brown when they used to be pink, my thighs have turned to jello, my ankles are starting to look like cankles, my jello arms.... my stretching bellybutton...nothing says sexy in those things, the big belly....  It may look beautiful but being beautiful and being sexy is totally different to me.
My body has changed dramatically and nothing about it makes me feel sexy.

[Mumita]

Ladies it does help that I'm not the only one, it seems that everyone talks about how great their sex lives are when they are pregnant.  
My husband knows how I feel but he never says anything he just steps up the cuddling and being sweet rather than try to get it on.  Not that I necessarily want to have sex either but I just want to feel sexy and nothing makes me feel sexy right now...
I know that it will probably make me feel worse to know what he's thinking because I know he doesn't find pregnancy sexy at all and if he tries to get it on with me then I'll feel like he's just doing it so I don't feel bad. So he'd really have to get me reaaaaaaly turned on for me to get over the self-conciousness.....ugh so frustrating

Its a catch 22 type of thing or a never ending circle....

[roke]

My husband doesn't seem to care (sorry)... infact he thinks that by having sex - he will poke the baby and make it move for me....  haha...  he thinks it's funny.... even though we both know that he won't be poking it.  

I don't really have the drive for sex, but I do have my days.  I don't feel self conscious as I know that everybody else knows why I am getting a belly on me and that 99.99999% of the population out there will not judge me for putting on weight while being pregnant.  Do you judge a pregnant woman when you see her?  Probably not.... Would you ever judge somebody and the weight that they have put on or the physical changes that their body goes through during pregnancy?  I doubt it....  Although I understand why people get self conscious about certain issues (and in this case pregnancy), I don't believe that you should feel scared or uncertain about your looks - everybody walking on this earth has been in that belly that sticks out there at one point in time.

[krushing]

I feel the same way.  And its been a LONG time since DH and I were intimate.  We haven't had sex since the beginning of the second trimester and I'm in my third trimester now...so that tells you how long its been.  DH says he's not turned off, but like you, I don't feel sexy.  But at the same time he doesn't initiate anything anymore...so I would say what you are feeling is completely normal.

[bryanarae]

When I was pregnant with my son, my husband and I's sex life was exactly like yours. I always felt "ugly" and as if I wasn't sexy. And I also felt that my husband was almost turned off by it. He loved touching my belly and feeling baby move, but as far as sex went... it didn't exist. My doctor said there is actually a chemical response in the male brain once they get a woman pregnant, especially when it becomes visible. They have done what they were created to do, reproduce. So although your husband may find you absolutely attractive, he may not be turned on by it. And this is what happened with me and my husband. We basically took it day by day, and although it would get extremly upsetting and I would become an emotional wreck about it, there is only so much you can do. Have you talked to your husband about it? Maybe it would help if he knew how you were feeling, and you in turn knew how he was feeling.
I know I didn't offer much help, but I know it helps sometimes to know you aren't the only one in the boat!

[gina1978]

I hate the way I look.I feel fat and I have no desire at all to have sex.My husband on the other hand thinks pregnant women are sexy and he is always trying to have sex.I don't get what he's looking at when he looks at me lol I wish I wasn't so self-concious either.When you think about it though you have a baby growing inside you and that is really beautiful.We are bringing new lives into the world. I know alot of guys are scared they might hurt the baby.