In need of some advice. . .

[nalla_]

So im gonna tell you a little about my husband and I..
We have been together for 3 years
(married for 1 out of the 3)
At the begining things were great!! I fell head over heels over this man instantly!! He was great loving and very caring. We moved in together after only 2 months. Things were still good... About the 3rd month into our relationship he began to show a very different side to him.
He became very controling and abusive towards me,verbaly and physically abusive. He even began to cheat.(I remember one time he even went as far as tieing me up just so he could go out with friends.) Of course i left but i would come back everytime just because he would tell me he loved me and was sorry and would never do it again! We broke up and made up so many times,i lost count!!! But a year and a half into our 'relationship' i saw a sencire change in him (we had been broken up for two months,the longest ive been with out him) i guess he missed me enough to realize to himself he really does love me. We got back together, we got married in May'11. Two months after getting married we decided we wanted to start a family together, i got pregnant right away. We were both so happy knowing we were having a baby together! But all of that changed a few months into my pregnancy,he became verbaly abusive again,it even became physical again. I am now 35 weeks pregnant and i find myself not being as happy as i thought i would be with him. He hardly even tells me he loves me anymore. I expressed to him how it makes me feel bad and very sad but he acts like he cares one minute and the next im being put down again. Example: this morning i got told that 'im sorry' just for not washing clothes :( that made me feel horrible especially because i didnt really have dirty clothes to wash anyways! :( i thought that being married and pregnant would make me feel so great and i would be so happy but instead im depressed :(
The only thing that makes me smile and happy is the life im growing inside of me and that soon i will have to hold and love oh so much.


Any advise on my situation??

[MrsBuchel]

I went through this sane thing on and off fir a year and a half it won't change. You need to leave get counseling. It took a year of counseling to get over my abusive controlling relationship. It was very hard but well worth even if you have a baby with him I know that would make it so much harder but you'll be thankful. Your baby derserves a happy mother. Children that grow up in homes like that think thats a normal thing. Get out.

[spoilbabe69]

so sorry that u have to go through this but .... u need to do what u think is best for u and yur baby ... on advice,,, ever seen the tracey thruman story??? watch it!!  i woul hate for something like that to happen to u and yur baby u guys deserve nothing but the best and a sence of security is part of that! good luck to u may god give u the strength to follow through with yur decision!

[MrsBuchel]

I went through this sane thing on and off fir a year and a half it won't change. You need to leave get counseling. It took a year of counseling to get over my abusive controlling relationship. It was very hard but well worth even if you have a baby with him I know that would make it so much harder but you'll be thankful. Your baby derserves a happy mother. Children that grow up in homes like that think thats a normal thing. Get out.

[nalla_]

To be honest i really do love him,and when hes good i wanna be around him all the time. But when hes bad i just wanna lock myself in my room :/
He is 6 years older than I so I find it weird and hard to believe that i know what i want out of the marrige and relationship but it seems like he doesnt.

[Missjen566]

Just read some more comments don't make or recommend go him that he changes...make him do it on his own. They don't change unless they want to and its very rare that they do

[Missjen566]

I've been in a abusive relationship before and I understand how hard it is. You need to worry about you and that baby. Get the confidence back of what you deserve and your baby deserves. Stop making excuses as to when you will leave and just leave. You will thank yourself later. Make sure to do it when he is not around as I worry about your safety. Ive had a gun held to my head before...believe me, it only gets worse!!!! May god bless you and give you the strength to get out as soon as possible. Be a strong mama!

[Ashleigh529]

Hi nalla, i was once 8 yrs ago in a somewhat similar situation. He wasn't necessarily abusive torwards me but he had this extremely violent anger problem that landed him n jail and even prison . He realized how much he needed to change and did something about it. He did 52 wks of anger management and it changed his life. They have to want to make a change and better themselves.

Its so easy to tell someone to leave their significant other but its so hard being the one that is trying to leave. I know you love him but he needs help and if he truly loved u hed get help for the sake of u and ur baby.

[momabear86]

You need to be strong and realise you are strong enough to do this alone.
Your about to bring a life into this world do you want your child to be raised thinking its what a relationship is meant to be like. If a boy to beat and mentally abuse the woman and if a woman to stick around and take it?. You need to tell him its over and I would recommend supervised visits for your partner as he has a history of violence

[nalla_]

Thank you all for your advise. I have thought and do think of leaving,i want my baby and i to have nothing but the best!  I always say to myself to not worry, ill soon be okay and out of this marrige. Ill have a worry free life with my baby...
I do tell him how i feel and how i dont want things to keep being like this,like i said in my post hes good one minute and the next hes not!
But i guess only time will tell what happens with him and I.

[mischief22]

Firstly, i am so sorry you have to go through this during your pregnancy.... I think it is best if you have a heart to heart talk about this and see if he would change.. Of course once the baby comes, him being verbally abusive can have a negative effect for the development of the baby...
what i am worried about is if the physical abuse starts back.. if it does then its best to leave him         for your safety and the safety of your unborn child...... i hope things works out well for you....

[Starzabove9]

I really think you need to get some counseling for yourself and leave the situation. Your in a domestic violence relationship and he will never change unless he a.) Wants to change and b.) Gets some.serious help for himself. This cycle will continue throughout your relationship and with you child. Your child will see dad beat up mom and either become an abuser or become a victim. This is something you can stop now. And trust me if hes hitting you he will hit your child. Im in grad school now to.be a.psychologist and I see kids who are the product of this environment and they have so many psychological problems. If you dont think you can leave him for you, you need to think about how much ur child will suffer from living in this environment. And trust me, even when they are infants, they pick up on everything. I also have worked for child protective services and have seen many babies abused because dad or bf was.mad at mom. It was there way of making the mom suffer. It was aweful, infants with broken ribs, fractured skulls, etc. please seek help. Message me if you need help accessing services in your area.

[alaysha]

A man who was abusive in most cases will ALWAYS be abusive. Tigers don't change their stripes. Take it from someone who has been there and get out of the situation. I know its hard but its what's best for you and your baby. Plus you'll find someone a million times better to love you! I was with a man who was very controlling and emotionally and physically abusive. We had a child together and he did not stop. When she was a newborn he got angry at me and threw a thing off our night stand at me. It would have hit the baby in the head if I hadn't seen and blocked it with my body. That baby is at risk of being hurt too! I finally realized when she was old enough to walk that I could not have her watching this situation and thinking it was OK. So I left. About a year later I met my now husband who is amazing and kind and treats my daughter like his own. I am so happy to be in a loving, careing, SAFE relationship. Look towards the future and I sincerely hope that things get better for you. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.