Aa
Venting...need advice :(
I'm so annoyed right now. So my bf was offered a new set schedule for work today and its all night shifts. Without even talking to me about it he decided to take it. Well first off, back in Feb 2012 (when I was pregnant with my first child) I was almost taken away against my will by a man in a parking lot. Ever since that incident, I've had major anxiety about being alone at night. My bf absolutely knows this. Now I'm 16wks pregnant with our second child and it seems as though my anxiety has gotten worse. Now my bf is calling me a "selfish little princess that wants everything my way" because I told him that I'm not comfortable with the new schedule he has chosen. But does he care? No! Am I wrong for not wanting him to work overnight? How am I supposed to feel safe with my 18mon old son and pregnant with our second child and being alone? The ONLY reason he wanted this new schedule is because he will get Saturday night off. Ughhh :'(
So apparently having a weekend night off is more important to him than making sure is pregnant gf feels safe and protected.
He's got to do what he needs to provide for you all. He is probably doing what he thinks is best. My boyfriend is gone 3 weeks home one week then gone again for 3. I hate it but he is providing for our family.
Do you live in an area where you should be worried?? I have the worst depression, anxiety and ocd. I always think someone is going to come in my home and rape me or kill me, and having ocd. I can't shake the vision... I live alone with my 4 year old and I'm 26+4 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend works out of state and I hate it, so I know how you feel...
Tomorrow makes 4 weeks straight he's been gone, so feel blessed that he comes home everyday after work!
He also probably has a boss he wouldnt like him having to call home to see if he is allowed a schedule chamge. Maybe he wanted to be home during the day?
That's scary!! Your not being selfish. Selfish would be if you hadn't been threw that traumatizing situation being tooken against your own will!! & while being pregnant! I couldn't imagine that talk about major anxiety! Hope you can work & get through this
I understand that he needs to provide for his family, but he had a normal schedule before he changed it today. The only thing was that he didn't have the weekend off. That didn't bother me at all cause he had monday and tuesday off so we were able to do stuff anyway. But I guess that wasn't good enough for him. Now with this night schedule he gets Saturday night off and that's it. He says I'm being selfish but honestly its more him than me. Where I live isn't the best area in my city. And actually in October a woman was attacked in my apartment complex and the man was never caught since the woman didn't see his face.
Thats selfish of him (sorry) he wonts to work lateshifts just because he can get saturday off thats soo wrong but if i were u i will make his "dayoff" a living hell and sweetie we can take care of our selfs and our kids without them i know the first few nights are scary but we get ust to it i got a whole block of knives everywere but most important is to lock all doors ,windows and everything that makes entrance to ur house but try talking to him in a sweet and caring way and explain it to him and maybe hel change his mind.
I honestly dont think he is being selfish. He is still working, you will actually see him during the days now. He probably switched because of all the things he is missing out on. Im sorry you are scared. Take a self denfense class. The guy who tried to take you took your security away. Get pepper spray or a tazer.
I actually carry pepper spray on me 24/7. At night its in my room. I have a plan if someone gets into my house. Its not only my self i have to defend its my daugther, my unborn baby and my two dogs.
Do you work? If not you don't have the right b to complain about when he is working and what days he decides to have off. Sorry but don't think he is being selfish either. If your big enough to be having kids then be grown enough to protect yourself. Thing you need to understand is if someone wants to get to you bad ly then they are going to regardless of your bf being there. Don't be that girl that NEEDS a man to protect her. Take pride that you have a man willing to work for you! I'd kill for a Saturday night off!! Having a Monday off doesn't come close to having a Saturday night off!
I wouldn't really get to see much of him. He said he goes in at 10p-6a so the majority of the day would be him sleeping til about 4p then go to the gym til 7p then have to start getting ready for work again. He is federal officer and is also a personal trainer so he has to be at the gym for a minimum of 3hrs a day to keep his clients.
And I have taken self defense and we have a total of 6 guns in our home. The true issue is something a lot of people don't understand. To go through what I did in 2012 really has changed everything. That isn't something you can just "get over". He is a federal officer so he has taught me a few extra things about personal protection but that still doesn't seem to help someone who has gone through a traumatic incident like I did.
And no I don't work, as for what he wants. I've been home since I was 6months pregnant with my first baby. He's a little on the old school side, believes women should raise the kids and the father provides.
Well you need to get your security back. Go to the gun range practice shooting tell you fell comfortable. You cant change your husbands hours. If you call and complain he could get fired. So all you can do is make sure your children and you are safe.
Talk to him about the factb that it is not just about being scared. You are going to miss out on seeing him and he's going to miss out on your child s life and your pregnancy! And your not comfortable with that.
I had a near death experience caused by a man also very nearly died. I will not live in fear and I dont, I took self defence classes and that's pretty much all I needed to be at peace with myself, I dont think everyone is out to get me. it was as simple as being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know people deal with their issues/fears differently and its very horrible that you had to go through with what you went through as I can relate to u in a way. as for your partner. regardless of him changing hours or what not the point is he works. jobs are hard to come by. id be very proud your partner is doing what he can to provide for his family. if your fears are really really bad then you should seek help so you can live more comfortably with out so much fear.
Yup and im CHL certified. One of the 6 guns we own is mine. I have taken multiple measures to physically protect myself and my children. It's the mental and emotional side that I'm trying to cope with. Something I have been working on but it does take time. Which is what I wish he would take into consideration and at least discuss things like this with me not just shoot me a text while he's at work and tell me "oh and by the way I'm going to be working night shifts".
Maybe he didnt think you would take it bad. Its been almost 2 years. I would talk to a counselor. Being attacked left a scar. Its normal to be scared, every women who has to be alone at night is scared. Its human nature but you cant let fear eat you up in side. I would for sure try to feel safer with out your husband before the other baby comes. It wont be easy. But it will be worth it in the long run,
Six guns wow! Sorry your going through this, I know how it feels to feel like your partner may not understand and be putting himself first but for some crazy reason he actually thinks this is best for you, him and your kids, I hope soon enough you mentally realise you are stronger then this and the experience you had has made you stronger, you now know how to protect and defend yourself. That is amazing, be proud of yourself and know you now have experience and you will fight anything that comes your way.
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