Aa
50/50 not 100/0
So I have been with my Boyfriend for two years now.. more on then off. He has a Job where he works A LOT, Literally almost every day. He lives in North Carolina And I in New Jersey Because of schooling. But till we get to see each other and finally be with each other again we have been doing great. Talking on the phone at least once or twice a day/night.. texting non stop being all gushy and telling each other we miss each other and what not.. Well, He now has two jobs,and goes to school. NO time at all to talk like we used too. he claims its because hes super busy, or he literally just wont answer me for hours. It annoys me so much and makes me feel unloved. I work a lot as well I'm A nurses assistant so sometimes i'm pulling doubles and i'm exhausted just as much.. Could this be a warning?.. Why is it i can, make time for him and talk to him when i'm super busy... but he cant take a few minutes out of the day to talk to me?
Best Answer
Maybe he's depressed.....being that busy and overwhelmed can cause depression, and depression can make us shut down from even those who love and know us best.
I remember arguing with my fiance a while ago about feeling like I was not a priority of his and was being taken for granted. It literally takes a couple seconds to write a simple text message just to let the other know you are thinking of them. I know not everyone has the same communication styles and he may not want to talk all the time, which may be what your bf thinks. Though I know with me and my fiance, we talk many times throughout the day by text, email, or phone. Just quick little things to let the other know they are on our mind. I'd talk to him again and try doing it in a non-confrontational way. Saying that "I" feel like we don't communicate as much as I would like to. I would love to get just a simple message from you to know that you got my text. I understand that you are under a lot of stress, but this is important to me. Using "I" statements can make him less defensive and can get through to him better.
Thanks! Im taking all of your ladies comments and suggestions into consideration!
Sweetpea03, As much as i dont want to sound selfish, THATS WHAT IM SAYING!..for instance today 4/15/11.. I texted him atleast 3 times this morning, its now 5:00.... still NOTHING back. It really bothers me, and to be honest im worried its going to effect our relationship before we even get to be with each other permanently again.
ive tried talking to him a few times and letting him know it bothers me and all he responds with is.. "well what the hell do you want me to do.. i work 2 jobs one full time, one part time, and i go to school full time.. i dont even have time to whipe my own ***.." I dont want to leave him.. and i understand that if im going to stay with him these are the kinds of things im going to have to live with for a while but its jut very stressful to go through.
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Sweetpea03, As much as i dont want to sound selfish, THATS WHAT IM SAYING!..for instance today 4/15/11.. I texted him atleast 3 times this morning, its now 5:00.... still NOTHING back. It really bothers me, and to be honest im worried its going to effect our relationship before we even get to be with each other permanently again.
ive tried talking to him a few times and letting him know it bothers me and all he responds with is.. "well what the hell do you want me to do.. i work 2 jobs one full time, one part time, and i go to school full time.. i dont even have time to whipe my own ***.." I dont want to leave him.. and i understand that if im going to stay with him these are the kinds of things im going to have to live with for a while but its jut very stressful to go through.
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Honestly, I think it's bs that he can't make time for you. My fiance works a LOT and goes to school, but we always make time for each other. I'd have a heart to heart talk with him to see what may be going on.
if tour boyfriend have two jobs and go to school...thats a great thing..more for you and him in the future...if you have loving gushie talk on the phone thats love..you say he take hours to call you back...not days or weeks..hours..from all what he is doing..yes he should be tired..I wouldnt be offended..a woman always love a man a little bit more we women are sensitive..I understand your use to getting that attention..and its slowing down but I dont think he forgot about you I just think he is tired...do think negative..think of when you and he will be together again and what you you both can have together...I think thats love waiting for..and hold on...and be patient..men dont forget good women easy...
KYJelly (interesting name!) this is one of two things:
1. He's a really hard worker, and is trying to get ahead. Not a bad thing.
2. He's trying to avoid you and this is his way of breaking up.
My guess is, since you know him and we all don't, you know which of these two options is correct.
Best wishes.
1. He's a really hard worker, and is trying to get ahead. Not a bad thing.
2. He's trying to avoid you and this is his way of breaking up.
My guess is, since you know him and we all don't, you know which of these two options is correct.
Best wishes.
yes women are just as difficult!
But i have told him (more like bitched) about it and he knew i was upset, like he could just tell in my voice. But when he gets upset or just doesn't really know what to say.. he gets silent and when i ask him questions or start to converse about the problem a bit more, he gives me one word answers.. its seems like when i am upset with something he doesor doesnt do,.If i ***** about it.,. it takes hours upon days to get over it together as a couple. if i just blow it off or forget about it.. we got back to being our regular couple like selves for a few days... and then he does something to trigger it all over again and BOOM we're back to square one. i hate relationships sometimes :s
But i have told him (more like bitched) about it and he knew i was upset, like he could just tell in my voice. But when he gets upset or just doesn't really know what to say.. he gets silent and when i ask him questions or start to converse about the problem a bit more, he gives me one word answers.. its seems like when i am upset with something he doesor doesnt do,.If i ***** about it.,. it takes hours upon days to get over it together as a couple. if i just blow it off or forget about it.. we got back to being our regular couple like selves for a few days... and then he does something to trigger it all over again and BOOM we're back to square one. i hate relationships sometimes :s
It could be a sign and it very well could be that he is just super busy!
Have you tried explaining to him that this makes u feel unhappy and uninvolved???.... try letting him know that you would like him to just take a cpl minutes out of his day just to show u that u are still important to him.
good luck, men are difficult to read somtimes but i suppose so are women!! lol
Have you tried explaining to him that this makes u feel unhappy and uninvolved???.... try letting him know that you would like him to just take a cpl minutes out of his day just to show u that u are still important to him.
good luck, men are difficult to read somtimes but i suppose so are women!! lol
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I have heard people say that love can be very confusing and complicated but in truth it is not love or being in love that is complicated, it is US who are confusing and complicated.
I will try to explain as best I can and hope you will bear with me.
Wanting to spend time with the person you love is the most natural thing in the world. All people have the same basics when trying to relate to other people and the situations we are faced with every day.
Our brains are so very very complicated and all that we are centers from it. Every little molecule in our bodies is designed to be loved and to love. It is said that the eyes are the mirror to our souls and in actual fact they are in many ways. What we behold with our eyes is registered in our brains and emotions and knowledge are moved or gained by what we have seen. But All our other senses...hearing, touching and tasting etc also add information to our brains and more emotions or knowledge are created or confirmed. For those who have been blind from birth it is their other senses that convey the messages, but the bottom line is........our brains must receive messages in order to survive. On the emotional level, love...in this case, our brains must receive messages that convey being loved or sending messages....giving love.
That is why we love to hear our loved ones' voices, feel their touch or touch them, it gives us pleasure and joy, a true sense of well being. On a sexual basis we need the same messages which in turn....excuse the pun........turn on the juices. Some may disagree because they feel sexual feelings are there whether we love that person or not and that can be true, yet when those sexual feelings lessen with time, which they do, and love was missing in the relationship the relationship will not last or be a very unsatisfactory one if it does survive.
Something I have learned over the years is that love can die if it is not given proper nourishment. It is up to each couple to determine what their relationship requires to keep it healthy and happy and make every effort to keep it that way. Both must participate and communicate, giving and taking, meeting each other halfway especially on the most important things. Showing love, kindness and respect can bridge the many problems we all meet in our lives.
Long distance relationships have many problems which develop because of being apart. If you knew from the beginning that this relationship would be this way for some time then perhaps you and your boyfriend can meet each other halfway to ensure its survival. Setting a definite time each day or day of the week where you both can exchange your thoughts and feelings without feeling rushed or pushed would be a big help. I sense your loneliness kwj and perhaps your worrying that he will find someone else because he is not near you. Exercising patience with each other is vital.Trust is built up on knowledge as well as love and it takes time.
I can say these things kwj because my first marriage was a long distance relationship for twenty years. I was unhappy and felt unloved. I tried everything to make it work but after awhile I just gave up, my love died.
I guess the real question is, do you desire a lasting relationship or marriage as the final outcome and does this young man have the same desire? If the answer is a wholehearted yes from both sides, then you "both" must work together to make it happen.