Forgiveness

[Iyonnaferry]

My boyfriend and i use to argue and fight all the time but then we both decided to start over and make things right by listening to each other and being loving. but just recently my boyfriend confessed to me that he tried to contact my exs behind my back before we turned over this new leaf, i was so hurt and angry, I also found out in his past he was going to give this girl a present that he gave me but he didn't get the chance to give that girl the present so a couple years later he gave it to me. I don't know if I should forgive him for what he did in the last and move on from it or stay upset and leave?  

[Londres70]

I think there is a difference between trying to salvage a marriage and hanging onto a fairly new relationship (less than 6 months) that is already presenting major problems.  

It like comparing apples and oranges.......which can't be compared.

[nasotrang]

You should forgive him if you really love him. I think if he actually tried to confess to you anyway even when you had no clue means he actually felt bad about what he was doing and was feeling guilty too. So somehow I consider he was being honest. I know forgiving is hard. You're hurt, upset, maybe angry too but you love him enough you can overcome it if you think he deserves a second chance. My husband cheated on me recently, I feel hurt, angry and to be honest disgusted, but I love him and thinking about not having him around anymore hurts me even more so I decided to just forgive him. But anyway, just for your consideration.

[Chima7]

And to Leighanna, it's got nothing to do with "giving up on relationships." You will find out once you have matured and lived in the real world away from high school that there are certain behaviors within a relationship that are completely unacceptable and point to a larger issue with the person. And as you get older you realize that the obvious red flags that you ignored when you were a kid in your high school relationships are no longer tolerable as an adult because it's not at all the kind of thing you want in your life. A huge one of those is lack of trust. Another one is lack of respect. And yet another is lack of honesty. Without all of those things present in a relationship, there is nothing. A pattern of disrespect throughout a relationship is grounds for a breakup. You will learn this once you have matured and recognize that it's not worth your time on this earth to stay in a relationship where you're always arguing, always being disrespected, always being lied to, etc. You'll figure that out eventually and you will understand why those of us with experience have learned to not put up with nonsense in our relationships anymore.

[Chima7]

Lyonna that is truly the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time. In all my relationships, not one of them ever did or said something like that to me. They asked me questions about why I broke up with my exes but never once did any of them go behind my back to ask if I was still talking to them. That is so completely inappropriate, if that happened to me I would have kicked him to the curb so fast his head would spin! WHY are you still with this guy? You should have left when you found out about him doing that!!

[Iyonnaferry]

He was contacting my exes because he wanted to know if i was still talking to any of them.

[Londres70]

When one is older and WISER one tends to know in general what direction a relationship is probably headed because he/she has experienced the situation OR has seen the situation so many times.  When you are young, e.g. in high school,  you do not see these things crystal clear.  There is a common consensus among the older posters here because "We've been there and done that" so to speak.  We have the experience to back the SOUND advice we are trying to give.

It's not about "giving up" so easy on people and relationships.......it's about having a good basis to built the relationship on.  Arguing, resentment, hurt, angry, ect. is NOT a good basis for building any relationship on and I would NOT recommend anyone to attempt to try especially if this is occuring on a daily basis.  Given the history between these two I have said and will say that the relationship isn't going to work.  I surely wouldn't encourage any young woman to waste her life on something like this or any woman for that matter.

Sometimes young people don't see the practicality of the situation.  For example what I thought was ok at 18 wasn't really ok.  After living life a bit you see this.......it's an eye-opener to say the least.

[LeighAnn18]

Why is everyone so willing to easily give up on people and relationships? If you love someone then you have to try your best to work things out. If it is ment to be then both sides will try to make it work. Ive been dating the same guy for 1 year and almost 4 months and we are in high school. Things are tough right now and we argue but we work it out because we love each other very much. I say that you always try your best in every relationship in which love is involved. Dont give up so easily.

[Life360_Dave]

I thought you both turned over a new leaf and here you are again arguing.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I too read Your profile page and it seems to me that You should take these 'issues' to mean perhaps this is not the right relationship for either of You.  You're displaying 'red flags' to one another.  We should realize, recognize and accept when we are not compatible in a relationship

GoodLuck

[RockRose]

i went to your profile to see if there was more to this story, and it turns out this new "leaf" in your relationship has been a week ago.  So really,  both of you have just been actively stifling your petty desires to argue.  

I don't know why he contacted your exes.

And I think it's really petty and silly for you to be upset that he had this gift item for a couple years and then gave it to you.  

I think you have a problem with arguing over extremely silly things,  and you should examine that before getting in a new relationship.  Have you ever witnessed - in your parents,  older siblings,  relatives,  etc.,  a stable love relationship that is based on respect and mutual admiration?  

[Londres70]

"don't know if I should forgive him for what he did in the last and move on from it or stay upset and leave?"..........I would choose the latter; leave.

It is apparent this relationship has run its course and if you continue with this it will lead to more and more drama.  

Any guy trying to contact your exs is not ideal to continue a relationship with; it's just plain intrustive.  He's not worth the headache.

[Chima7]

Why was he contacting your exes?  What possible reason could he have for doing that?