need advice bad!

[Sammybaby3107]

i love him so much. prior to this i thought UNCONDITIONALLY. we have been together five years in a little less than a week from now. i have a 7 month old son with him. about three years ago  we went there a time without much sex and i got snoopy. he was replacing sex with me over himself and porn. i have no problem with porn, can enjoy it myself sometimes. but we were even arguing for months about not having sex... i was feeling extremely sexually repressed. things got better, so on and so fourth... now here we are in the same place. not only was a replaced for fake sex, he has been paying for it through these IM chats where they chat with you and all these things. i feel cheated on, because its an interaction with other women that he put before me. every time i found something he would make up other lies and then i would find more... why lie when you know im searching for the truth with a computer that cant lie? which through all of this was supposed to be spouts of watching porn and ignoring me when really he worked hard with me to keep these conversations secret. like instead of turning  me down for sex he instead forces himself which is the worst thing a girl can go through in her "loving" relationship. i feel soo ugly and fat and like i cant get a guy to get excited unless theres someone else on his mind. he even tried blaming me before finding out about the chat sessions.what do i do? do i give up even tho i love him? i cant feel good around him anymore... i feel so bad when hes around. we went to walmart to get diapers and i wanted to cry because i felt so bad.... i think im going crazy. help!

[QuinnyO]

If it bothers you 'nip it in the bud' right now~!  Interactive sexual chatting in my opinion is CHEATING, because anyone with half a brain and mediocre moral decency should understand that its something you just don't do in a committed relationship.

this hurts bad, but cut your losses now, he's obviously looking for the next best thing and eventually it's gonna go further than just 'chatting online' - trust me.

be courageous

[TTinKKerBBell]

SammyBaby - You and I were posting at the same time.
In response to Your last post - I understand You are in this relationship for 5 years? and that You have a 7 month old Baby together?
This relationship is worth saving!!  but that does not mean that it should be "unfulfilling" to/for You.  
I agree that sex isn't "everything" but sex IS important  (to Women as well as to Men) and it matters in a BIG way if He's getting "his" and You are not getting "yours" because of porn!!

Betcha guys wouldn't tolerate Women getting Our sexual needs met with video porn and because of porn We had no need for them in a physical way.  With all due respect: Boys are Boys - but Men should be Men and  They should "step up to the plate" if They "choose" to be Husbands and Fathers.....just saying

[TTinKKerBBell]

Search:  Your Brain On Porn Six Part Series.
The article I read is by Gary Wilson.

I truly think this may be what's going on in Your relationship and I think it would behoove You to read this series - all Six of them.  

The idea is to educate YourSelf and possibly Him too.  I'm sure He would rather have a meaningful relationship with the Mother of His Child rather than what He seems to be "caught up in".  I understand Your unhappiness, I truely do!! but I don't think this is what He "prefers".
(please, don't go "crazy", and don't feel "fat and ugly" as I'm sure this can be "fixed" if You and He become aware of what might be goinig on here)

Please, let me hear from You again.
Regards,
Tink

[Sammybaby3107]

i really tried not too, i thought he just wasnt use to it because he never had a long relationship or frequent partners. i was 22 having intimate relations anywhere from 1-3 months. i couldnt describe now because its far more personal... yes a relationship is much more than sex but if im not what keeps him happy now then where will i be in 20 years? im sure he would not appreciate if i exercised my so called ease at picking up men. i sure do not like being the one that gets the short end of the stick. i just am not sure if seeing his primal instinct isnt full filled with our relationship, really helps me or convinces me that i am better off trying to move on now, than remaining the idiot waiting for a change. i think i loved him so much and all the lying has completely confused my entire being.


i am exhausted, and im extremely lonely.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and i am also sorry how you feel.
Many men appear grown up adults but there is a little boy just below the surface and sneaks around the house when the women is not looking. This is also a sign that he is comfortable in his own home. He has you, the home and the baby. Many men get caught up in this from a social cause. Men are constantly chasing women till they get one. Its a lot of work and leaves behind years of sexual frustration.
Women on the other hand can for the most part go out any night and pick up a man for sex so they are not as frustrated as men, even if women dont infact take a man home. Just the fact that a woman can and a man cant is the point.

Also you will find the a wife for the most part will need to act as a mother when interacting with the husband. This starts slow but eventually most relationships have a bit of this in daily communications. If you act and talk like you are his mother and he is being a bad boy, you mostly likely will have more success in turning things around the way you want.
And actually after years of marriage many men call the wife mom and the wife calls him poppy.

Dont let sex be a major defining part of your relationship as its possible some day that sex will not be possible due to an illness. it seems that he does love you very much but you are catching him being a bad boy.

[Sammybaby3107]

im having trouble finding this series, but i need anything to explain it to me.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I'm sorry for Your pain.

To answer Your question - No!! I do not think You should "give up", but rather, maybe, You should educate YourSelf and Him too, about what possibly may be going on here.
It alarms me that You say You are feeling "replaced" by porn/fake sex and that He's even paying for IM chats when He could "be" with You instead and I understand why You feel somewhat "cheated on" if He is replacing sex and interaction with You for what He finds on the computer.  I think I would feel the same way under these circumstances.
At one time I myself, did not believe there was such a thing as porn "addiction".  I thought it was an "obsession" maybe, certainly a "choice" - but not an "addiction" - until I read an article in Psycology Magazine titled "Your Brain on Porn".  OMGolly Gee!!  I couldn't believe it!!  This really happens to people!! and it can be as damaging to People and to Relationships as any other addiction.

I urge You to watch "Your Brain On Porn" by Gary Wilson.  Watch the 6 series.  It will enlighten You and hopefully Your Partner as well.

Good Luck.  I hope we hear that this situation becomes resolved for You.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, sweetie, he may not just be having sex with you because he thinks he should or 'has to'.  You may be reading into that yourself because of how you have been feeling.  

Have you talked to him about what your boundaries are?  That you are NOT okay with interactive chat rooms and that must immediately stop??  Give him a chance to stop doing it and see if things improve.  Set up boundaries you can live with regarding porn.  

You have a young baby.  Lots of things come to my mind in thinking of that.  First, you are tired.  All moms of babies aren't totally rested.  You also are still getting over hormones from birth and nursing if you nursed.  We put so much focus on our new babies that we get irritated with our loved ones easier (often).  Don't let this situation eat you alive.  He's not cheated.  I agree I wouldn't like the live chat room but that is not cheating.  Try better communication and working on this and don't let this overtake everything else.  good luck