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Am I too attached?
I think I may be too attached to my boyfriend. I know I miss him always, but today I'm realizing that I think I may be too attached to him. Ok so he hurt his foot a while back ago and didn't let it really heal, so on Sunday [July 22] he hurt it again. So he didn't go to work on Monday and he was off yesterday and today and he wont be at work tomorrow either. So I haven't seen him since Sunday night. Monday night didn't bother me because I never see him on Monday's because of work. I didn't see him last night either because he was in too much pain and I told him not to come see me. And now tonight I wont see him again, because I'm the one telling him he needs to rest so he can getting better. I now find myself crying at work because I can't see him tonight and I probably wont see him until Saturday. He knows I'm crying, he knows I'm sad and that I need to see him, so he tells me he will come see me tonight. But I tell him no, because he has to get better that he is more important don't worry about me. But deep down inside I need to see him. I get this lonely depressed feeling where the only thing that will make me better is if I see my boyfriend, even if I only see him for 10 mins. Tonight I know when we talk on the phone I know 100% sure I will cry because I miss him too much.
I know that couples don't have to see each other everyday, I know that. But it's just that we are SO close in our relationship I get weird feeling if I can't be with him. It was a major adjustment in our relationship when he started having to work Saturday's because we would be with each other every Saturday from 10am-12am next morning. I still feel weird not being able to see him on Saturday until he gets out of work at 11pm but its getting better.
My mom says time apart in any relationship is healthy, I know that. But being as close as we are, it feels weird being away from him. We have been together now just a little over 5 months and since we started dating we have talked EVERY single day. There hasen't been a day yet that we haven't talked. In the mornings when I'm at work he messages me on my cellphone and we talk until he goes to work at 2pm. Then throughout the day we will text each other until I go home from work at 5pm. I go home, and then when he has a break at work he calls me and we spend sometimes an hour on the phone, and then we talk again like an hour later. He tells me everyday like 100 times a day that he loves me, and I do the samething. To me this feels right. Being away from him, I can't handle it. I mean the week of July 4th this year he practiclly lived with me because my family was on vacation and I didn't go. We acted as if we were married we still act as though were married. I had to do chores around the house to keep it neat and he helped me! He helped me with the laundry, making the beds everything even food shopping.
How can I get myself to not be so attached to him? I know I will always be attached, but I don't want to be at the point where I'm crying on the phone with him needing him to be with me, which I have done already. Help!!!
Niki
I know that couples don't have to see each other everyday, I know that. But it's just that we are SO close in our relationship I get weird feeling if I can't be with him. It was a major adjustment in our relationship when he started having to work Saturday's because we would be with each other every Saturday from 10am-12am next morning. I still feel weird not being able to see him on Saturday until he gets out of work at 11pm but its getting better.
My mom says time apart in any relationship is healthy, I know that. But being as close as we are, it feels weird being away from him. We have been together now just a little over 5 months and since we started dating we have talked EVERY single day. There hasen't been a day yet that we haven't talked. In the mornings when I'm at work he messages me on my cellphone and we talk until he goes to work at 2pm. Then throughout the day we will text each other until I go home from work at 5pm. I go home, and then when he has a break at work he calls me and we spend sometimes an hour on the phone, and then we talk again like an hour later. He tells me everyday like 100 times a day that he loves me, and I do the samething. To me this feels right. Being away from him, I can't handle it. I mean the week of July 4th this year he practiclly lived with me because my family was on vacation and I didn't go. We acted as if we were married we still act as though were married. I had to do chores around the house to keep it neat and he helped me! He helped me with the laundry, making the beds everything even food shopping.
How can I get myself to not be so attached to him? I know I will always be attached, but I don't want to be at the point where I'm crying on the phone with him needing him to be with me, which I have done already. Help!!!
Niki
Hey Kris. I know how you feel in regards to missing your boyfriend. Spending a day without mine is really hard. However, it's really important to spend time with your friends as well, even if you don't particularly want to at first. Get in touch with some of the ones you don't speak to much anymore - explain to them if you have to, that you've been caught up with being with him and are sorry for letting things slip with them a bit. Turn your phone off when you're out to avoid the temptation to see if he's texted or called you.
I get quite sensitive with my boyfriend, and read into everything he says. What I do is just push it away. If logically you know that he's not making a dig at you, and that confronting him about it will just lead to an argument, forget it. It'll be hard, but I've found that half an hour later it's just too much energy for me to keep going over it in my head and I move on.
It's only been ten months - it's not too late to rebuild your relationship with your friends. You could also join a club or activity and make new friends there. Even if you like something as everyday as reading, there are book clubs.
The main thing is to to just make a concentrated effort to make things better. Why not share these worries with him as well? If he treats you as well as you say, he'll understand, and appreciate that you're trying to make things better, and that he can't be the only thing in your life.
I hope things work out okay. <3
I get quite sensitive with my boyfriend, and read into everything he says. What I do is just push it away. If logically you know that he's not making a dig at you, and that confronting him about it will just lead to an argument, forget it. It'll be hard, but I've found that half an hour later it's just too much energy for me to keep going over it in my head and I move on.
It's only been ten months - it's not too late to rebuild your relationship with your friends. You could also join a club or activity and make new friends there. Even if you like something as everyday as reading, there are book clubs.
The main thing is to to just make a concentrated effort to make things better. Why not share these worries with him as well? If he treats you as well as you say, he'll understand, and appreciate that you're trying to make things better, and that he can't be the only thing in your life.
I hope things work out okay. <3
Did anyone ever reply to you about this? I'm in the same situation. I don't know what to do with myself during my free time away from him. It hurts when I'm not with him but I know I need to be without him sometimes or I will drive myself crazy! We work together and always talk on IM and then talk after work and talk before we go to bed. We aren't as affectionate as we were when we first started dating (about 10 months ago). I stopped talking to all of my friends to where I don't really have any, anymore. Most of them now have kids and are married which is the reason I was hanging out with him everyday. When I do hang out with other people, I'm constantly checking my phone and if he doesn't text or call me while I'm out, I think he doesn't care about me. I'm losing my mind. I can't take this anymore. We fight everyday because I can't handle "jokes" because I'm so sensitive with him. Please, this is my cry for help. I've never been with someone that has meant so much to me and has treated me so well. I'm going to lose him if I don't change myself now. I'll take all the prayers I can get.
Hey everyone,
I just finished reading all of these posts after discovering this website while googling ways to become less attached. I am in the same exact situation at you, ellie90, except I've always had a difficult time making friends. I've been feeling very depressed and anxious lately and I think this morning I finally realized that my problem is that I'm too attached on my boyfriend. I find myself thinking about him all of the time - to the point where I can't even focus on other things! I feel like I've lost my own identity and things I used to like to do seem dull and lonely. Like ellie90, my boyfriend is a very independent person. He's career focused and doesn't mind if we don't talk or see each other everyday. He has what he calls "preferential option." He prefers to see me but he's good if we spend time apart, too. That seems so reasonable to me, but I am having the absolute hardest time trying to make myself do things on my own.
What did you ladies do to preoccupy yourselves? What do you do when you're alone? I can only read and watch TV and study for so long before I fall back into this awful loneliness. How long does this take to go away?!
I would love to hear all of your insights!
I just finished reading all of these posts after discovering this website while googling ways to become less attached. I am in the same exact situation at you, ellie90, except I've always had a difficult time making friends. I've been feeling very depressed and anxious lately and I think this morning I finally realized that my problem is that I'm too attached on my boyfriend. I find myself thinking about him all of the time - to the point where I can't even focus on other things! I feel like I've lost my own identity and things I used to like to do seem dull and lonely. Like ellie90, my boyfriend is a very independent person. He's career focused and doesn't mind if we don't talk or see each other everyday. He has what he calls "preferential option." He prefers to see me but he's good if we spend time apart, too. That seems so reasonable to me, but I am having the absolute hardest time trying to make myself do things on my own.
What did you ladies do to preoccupy yourselves? What do you do when you're alone? I can only read and watch TV and study for so long before I fall back into this awful loneliness. How long does this take to go away?!
I would love to hear all of your insights!
Hi Nikki and to all the girls who thought they were the only ones who feel that way.
I am like you. I'm in a two year relationship with my boyfriend to whom I feel like I love so much. I consider myself an extrovert and prior to meeting him, I used to really spend a lot of time with friends. But when we got together, suddenly most of my time was spent with him. All my emotions were suddenly focused on him. We see each other almost every day. I got too attached to the point that I get lonely when he's not with me. Like you girls, since I always expect to see you him everyday, whenever we don't, I feel really upset to the point that I cry. After two years, I still feel this way. It has changed a bit. I now enjoy time with other people. But just the same, I get upset when I don't see him in a day. He doesn't mind it. But unlike your guys, he's not like me - he doesn't mind if we don't see each other on a particular day. He's a typical guy who's career focused. I know that he loves me so much as well but he's not the needy type. Sometimes it really upsets me. I don't think I wanna feel like this forever though. It affects my productivity at work.
I'd like to know how you girls are. How long can this feeling last? I'm so happy when he's here but gets lonely when he's not. How can I change this and make myself feel better?
I would really appreciate your replies.
I am like you. I'm in a two year relationship with my boyfriend to whom I feel like I love so much. I consider myself an extrovert and prior to meeting him, I used to really spend a lot of time with friends. But when we got together, suddenly most of my time was spent with him. All my emotions were suddenly focused on him. We see each other almost every day. I got too attached to the point that I get lonely when he's not with me. Like you girls, since I always expect to see you him everyday, whenever we don't, I feel really upset to the point that I cry. After two years, I still feel this way. It has changed a bit. I now enjoy time with other people. But just the same, I get upset when I don't see him in a day. He doesn't mind it. But unlike your guys, he's not like me - he doesn't mind if we don't see each other on a particular day. He's a typical guy who's career focused. I know that he loves me so much as well but he's not the needy type. Sometimes it really upsets me. I don't think I wanna feel like this forever though. It affects my productivity at work.
I'd like to know how you girls are. How long can this feeling last? I'm so happy when he's here but gets lonely when he's not. How can I change this and make myself feel better?
I would really appreciate your replies.
I would love to know if you are still with the same guy now?
I'm clingy with my boyfriend and we see each other every night but we are still both independent and have very full lives seperatley from each other as well. We feel the same way about each other so we need each other the same and look after one another equally, which makes it a really strong relashionship, hope you have found happiness anyway.
Rubie
I'm clingy with my boyfriend and we see each other every night but we are still both independent and have very full lives seperatley from each other as well. We feel the same way about each other so we need each other the same and look after one another equally, which makes it a really strong relashionship, hope you have found happiness anyway.
Rubie
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