Boyfriend doesn't make enough Money and it bothers me

[ticked]

Here is the thing. I have been a single mother now for 8yrs.  I have had no silver platter handed to me, no child support payments given and I have had to struggle all this time.  Last year I met someone and he is very good to my daughter and to me, but I feel like I have been carrying the load because he barely makes any money and he really doesnt contribute and I bought a condo before I met him and since he has been living there he has put me in the hole.

My condo is very small really meant for a couple but I like to entertain so I wanted to upgrade but not until 4yrs from now.  He is always in my face because there is no other room other than the bedroom and I need my space.  So now I have decided to sell my condo for a townhouse. It will be cheaper funny enough and bigger.  I feel resentful to him as I feel like he has forced me to move. He doesnt pay rent, and hasnt all year. The most he has given me is grocery money and with the way groceries are right now $150 a month is jack sh@@.  I have become so angry and whenever I talk to him about stuff he is so laid back and he says that he loves me and he is trying.

Dont get me wrong, I am writing this because I am very angered and I know that he is a fantastic guy and I have never had anyone love me like he has but he isnt contributing financially and it bothers me.

I told him when we move he needs to pay for all the groceries and utilities and I know that it wont happen.

When do you come to a point in a relationship where you are okay with someone making a lot less?  I dont think of him as a loser because he doesnt make a lot, I think because I have had to work so hard to get where I am at and I am finally at a place in my life where I would like to share that with someone and have enough money to go on trips etc, but with him I cant. I will lose what I feel I have worked hard for.  

Does this make any sense?  

[teko]

You cannot change someone. Never! You either accept them the way they are or you dont. And there is nothing worse than having someone sit on there laurels and let a woman provide for them and still call themself a man. Im sorry but if you cannot look up to, and respect, and feel safe and loved and taken care of then what the hail do we need a man for? Sex? Buy a pal, but who needs to take another kid to raise. Nope, lose him is all you can do. If he was gonna be any different, he woulda done it by now on his own. just my opinion. The planet is loaded with women that live with regret because they didnt follow their gut when they had the chance.

[ticked]

Thank you special mom :)

[specialmom]

My thought Kaz is that you really shouldn't have to try a lot of ways to get an adult to contribute.  Most adults realize that they need to or they want to for the sake of their partner.  I don't think we are talking about a teenager here . . . but someone that has had this lifestyle for years.  I'm guessing it is the way he is and that is it.  

I do wish you luck ticked.  

[kazakage]

You'll always feel justified, just because he is with you.......
Now, your bringing this convo somewhere... when your speaking marriage... Then you don't talk about a promissory you talk going half on everything..not making it seem like he is roommate.. there are many ways to make a man move... you don't see to be going about this the right way...

Going to a lawyer....no
Talking... I bet when you talk, he doesn't pay attention...like he is there but not there.. why? because if he is answering you and not showing any improvement then he isn't really listen.

try a new approach... he seems like a only child or the youngest... if he is the youngest.. then to bad for you you dating a grown-a$$ baby...

but how many other ways have you tired to get him to contribute?

[specialmom]

Yes, I think your actions are justified.  He sounds sad in his ability to be independent and that is NOT attractive.  

good luck and I hope that YOU hit the jackpot next time!

[ticked]

Teko, your right and thanks :)

Kazakage- I think he should be obligated to pay because he is living somewhere, whether it be at home with his parents or with me he should be paying is way at 34yrs old. He told me he was going to pay and now its a year later with the same problem and it not happening. I gave him chance after chance.  The reason we are having this talk is because yes we are talking about marriage and possible children but I am not getting married to someone who isnt going to do their share or bring a child into this world not for them to take care of but expect me to. It has nothing to do with making any profit, it has to do with me not being able to afford his a@@ and me taking care of him. Sorry I didnt sign up for that.

It has nothing to do with me. It is all him and him not having drive or not even trying due to whatever reason. I still havent found a legitimate one that he has come up with.  They are all excuses.

It doesnt matter anyway as the ultimatum has been made and he has one last chance to do it and if one month he doesnt have the money he is gone.  $600 is not alot when you have everything provided for you, too me he has hit the jackpot and he is just greedy wanting more.

I am doing the right thing and I know my actions are justified and are not irrational.  So we will see what he does. He knows I am not kidding now and I am not taking anymore of this so thats that.