Cheapness

[Limey85]

Ive been with my bf for 3 years, i love him so much and so does he; but the problem is HE IS SOOOO CHEAP!!! he never buys me stuff. even on my bday and valentines. is there any way i can tell him? i dont wanna hurt his feelings.
i dont wanna end it with him coz he is cheap. any solutions plz?


This discussion is related to is it normal.........girls masturbating??? is there any loss of sexual power .

[mirandavilla]

i now say "please just give me a hard working janitor" i mean that too.. because i am very sorry that found my "dream guy" who is educated, single, does not have any children, has a home, has a professional job, is catholic like i am, but for godsake is sooo cheap i am sooo sorry i began dating and sleeping with him......and no i have not talked to yet about his cheapness...i mean, he did not like me using a lot of his "cheap, thin, very thin toilet paper" the kind you get at safeway for $1.00 for four rolls

i should tell him how i feel but i don't want to fight with him....plus i am sick now with a fever and cold.

[Ceela]

Wow I didn't even have to change this from the other cheap thread...

I guess I have a different take on this because I have always made more money than the guys I have dated.  I started being very ambiguous about how much money I made because they would start expecting me to pay for everything.  I always paid when I made the dinner suggestion but if they wanted to do something they should expect to pay too.  People who make decent living that is more than the people they date (whether male or female) get really tired of the "You make so much more than me so I am entitled to some of yours" attitude.  I wasn't dating to be someone's Mom and I don't have to "share" my money with you unless we are married.  You'd be surprised how much 5$ here and there can add up and it doesn't feel good to have to look at someone you might want to date as a potential financial investment.  Plus I would never ask someone to buy me something (even cigarettes) without giving them money.  I would also never ask for a "loan" for bills or to be bought something I can't buy for myself.  Is this guy a boyfriend or a bank?  

I do find the lack of gift giving a little odd but then I suspect he is feeling the pull on his wallet and he is pulling back.  I would just have an honest conversation about expenses and expectations and see if you can live with whatever he thinks.  I don't think it is fair to demonize this guy just because he doesn't want to be someone's Sugar Daddy.  I'm not saying that is what the OP is trying to do but he may just be a little leary if he has been taken advantage of before?  How about explaining to him that you want gifts for your birthday as an expression of his affection but they can be something he made or does for you rather than something he has to spend a lot of cash on.  Set a five dollar limit for both of you and then get creative.  You will find out very quickly whether this guy is, as suggested in other posts, a stingy jerk who doesn't even care enough about you to put any effort into making you a gift; or just a guy who works really hard for his money and doesn't like feeling like he has to pay for your time.  


PS.Now that I am married it is "our" money but we did negotiate savings goals, discresionary spending, and our money plan and philosophy before we got married.  I had to give a little and he had to give a little but we came to what we both felt was a fair compromise and after five years together we have not had a single fight about money!

[colorado_g]

After 3 years it is just hard to break up so I would try to get to him , small step at a time. when he sends u a msg to call him . I would reply "why don't u call me" or " If u want to talk to me I fink u should call"..     Second when some ocasion will be about to come tall himm : Oh my b-day is coming, what are u getting me"""
And try talking to him . tell him that u are a wooman and woman like to get presents once a while and that u cant be the one that always call. U now maybe he is not cheap but maybe he don't kow any other way or sb hurt him before. Good luck

[Miranda68]

I have been dating a 45 year old guy for almost five months and just broke up with him because of his cheapness.  He was so cheap that he wouldn't even have food at his house unless he could steal it from work plus he stole paper plates and other things from work as well.  On the rare occasion that he did take me out he would always make sure he could use a coupon and would tell me what the bill was.  He also would get me a cheap gift every so often and tell me how much it was.  He even tried to re-gift something that he had originally given his ex wife.  It is a sickness.  Oh and yes I would pitch in with food and pay for all my traveling costs to go see him. He had way more money then I did.  It was very hard to break up with him because we had so much in common and I love him but he isn't the only guy out there.  That's what you have to remind yourself.

[Limey85]

thx for ur sweet words!
Thx everyone for helping me out!

[jo929]

A person with this trait rarely changes, but i beleive that Jaybay is right, after 3 years it is more than time to take the plunge, and ask him plain out about things, also it sounds like he is a user, and  i assume that he has not asked the big question, you have nothing to lose by asking .. also if he has not proposed before now he can walk when it pleases him, I do hope that for your sake he changes,but if he does not then I guess if you really care then take him as he isand hope  lots luck  jo

[Jaybay]

Since his behavior is so offensive to you, you're going to have to open your mouth and talk to him about it.  Yes, there is risk involved.  Yes, he may get po'd and walk.  So what?  Then you'll know his true character, and isn't that what dating is all about?  Learning about the other person's character and determining if you're suited for the long-haul is why people date.  I know it's difficult to take a 20,000 foot view of life when you're involved at the 10-foot level, but after 3 years it's time to take the plunge.  

[mayflowers]

That is even worse if he has money but won't spend it on you.  Do you really want to live your life like this?  I know I couldn't be with someone like that.  I really think this is his personality and you can't change that.  Run away from this guy as fast as you can.  Who needs this?

[Limey85]

The problem is that he is so rich... but soooo cheap. i mean i have to call him, he sends me a messege to call him back!

[Jaybay]

According to your profile, you are 20 years old.  I assume your boyfriend is roughly the same age.  Is it possible that he simply doesn't have the money to shower you with gifts at this point in life?  If you equate love and respect with material gifts, you're going to be forever disappointed in any relationship.  

[sherada]

Try to do and indirect way not to hurt his feeling, try to give him a gift all the time, I am sure one day he will give something special to you....

[mayflowers]

I think being cheap is a personality trait. You can't change it, he would have to want to change it for some reason.   It will still be hard for him to change and if he does, he will probably still buy "cheap" stuff.   I think you need to decide if you and your bf are compatible in this way.  The way you handle finances are important in a relationship.  If you two are really different, that's going to cause problems down the road.