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Cheating
Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?
I'm not judging I just want to see the ratio to help me with a decision I've made. (No I didn't cheat.)
I'm not judging I just want to see the ratio to help me with a decision I've made. (No I didn't cheat.)
I'm going to get brutally honest here, because this isn't a topic to be taken lightly.
For those that have been cheated on, my heart goes out to you. I am in the same boat and have been cheated on, on several occasions by ex's.
For those that have cheated, the only reason your contrite, and sad, etc, is because you got caught.
Please tell me honestly, that if your indiscretion had gone unseen, unheard & unfound (and was still going on), that you'd be as regretful and contrite and sad and mournful. The only reason you're apologetic, is because your significant other found out... period.
Yes, I'm sure you're all sorry, that stands to reason. If you weren't sorry, I'd probably label you a sociopath or something of that nature.
The real question of this poll should be, "Cheaters: Are you upset that you got caught?" or, ""Cheaters: If you'd not been caught, would you still be cheating?"
For those that have been cheated on, my heart goes out to you. I am in the same boat and have been cheated on, on several occasions by ex's.
For those that have cheated, the only reason your contrite, and sad, etc, is because you got caught.
Please tell me honestly, that if your indiscretion had gone unseen, unheard & unfound (and was still going on), that you'd be as regretful and contrite and sad and mournful. The only reason you're apologetic, is because your significant other found out... period.
Yes, I'm sure you're all sorry, that stands to reason. If you weren't sorry, I'd probably label you a sociopath or something of that nature.
The real question of this poll should be, "Cheaters: Are you upset that you got caught?" or, ""Cheaters: If you'd not been caught, would you still be cheating?"
I just found out a week before Christmas that my husband who I've been with for 21 years was having an affair. He says it's over and that he's sorry, but I don't believe him. For the first couple weeks he would text me all the time and send me pictures of who he was with (he travels for work). Then the pictures stopped. Eventually the texting became less. We went to counseling two times and he doesn't like it so we don't go anymore. Now that I have the password to his phone he guards it. He deletes history on his iPad. When I'm upset because of thoughts or images in my head he gets mad. He claims he wants to work on things, but he ***** at making amends. He tries really hard for a day or two then gives up.
Brice - what you did *****. I know how much pain your wife is in/was. However, you sound like you are truly sorry for what you did. That you want to be with your wife. You want her to forgive you, trust you and love you again. Keep working at it. Never stop. You will have to price yourself to her everyday for the rest if your life, but if she's worth it you can do it.
Brice - what you did *****. I know how much pain your wife is in/was. However, you sound like you are truly sorry for what you did. That you want to be with your wife. You want her to forgive you, trust you and love you again. Keep working at it. Never stop. You will have to price yourself to her everyday for the rest if your life, but if she's worth it you can do it.
Rainlover and Brice,
I like your contrite hearts.
I don't think I'll ever hear anything like that from my cheating Ex husband when he destroyed my 12 year marriage.
I never heard a word of apology, only "what was I supposed to do?" "Am I supposed to be unhappy?" "I didn't mean to hurt you."
But what it left me with is rejection and trust issues to carry with me.
We all make mistakes, some big ones that we should know better. I think the real trick is realizing what we've done and the pain we've caused and learning never to do that again. Some people just never get it.
I like your contrite hearts.
I don't think I'll ever hear anything like that from my cheating Ex husband when he destroyed my 12 year marriage.
I never heard a word of apology, only "what was I supposed to do?" "Am I supposed to be unhappy?" "I didn't mean to hurt you."
But what it left me with is rejection and trust issues to carry with me.
We all make mistakes, some big ones that we should know better. I think the real trick is realizing what we've done and the pain we've caused and learning never to do that again. Some people just never get it.
Wow Brice,
In your first paragraph, you've put into word something that I had tried to work through for 2.5 years now.
My husband of 12 years cheated and left me for a woman. He left glibly, and cheerfully. He did tell people about it, how she was just more 'compatible'. His happiness was paramount and it didn't matter how it hurt anyone or whether it was right or wrong. In his mind, right and wrong are superseded by his desires. He didn't cheat in my house, but he did bring that woman over to 'help him move out'.
Like you said, I lost friends over it. We had what I thought was a lot of mutual friends, as we were both working musicians. So many people never said a word to me. Most, not wanting to 'get in the middle' of it. But he's still interacting and friends with them, and the tacet 'pass' they've given him hurts me as much as his bad behavior.
I mean, if he had died, they all would have rallied around me. Not the case.
Add to that I have no family support, because I have no family.
Seriously, no parents, no children, no brothers or sisters, no nieces or nephews or uncles. I have 2 cousins and an Aunt that are 1100 miles away.
His mistake was grievous, but I don't think he's realized it to this day. He cheated with a married woman, who has an 11 yr old girl. Two marriages ruined.
I heard that the woman and he were 'over' but still friendly about two months ago. Still not one inkling of remorse, repentance, or even a belated apology toward me.
I am not wanting to reconcile, the door has closed on that one. I'm stronger and even happier now. The dust does settle and you can clearly see the people who are still standing by you.
I encourage anyone who is able to reconcile to do so. It is a move of great strength and courage.
But I would warn that 'the second time someone cheats is easier than the first'.
In your first paragraph, you've put into word something that I had tried to work through for 2.5 years now.
My husband of 12 years cheated and left me for a woman. He left glibly, and cheerfully. He did tell people about it, how she was just more 'compatible'. His happiness was paramount and it didn't matter how it hurt anyone or whether it was right or wrong. In his mind, right and wrong are superseded by his desires. He didn't cheat in my house, but he did bring that woman over to 'help him move out'.
Like you said, I lost friends over it. We had what I thought was a lot of mutual friends, as we were both working musicians. So many people never said a word to me. Most, not wanting to 'get in the middle' of it. But he's still interacting and friends with them, and the tacet 'pass' they've given him hurts me as much as his bad behavior.
I mean, if he had died, they all would have rallied around me. Not the case.
Add to that I have no family support, because I have no family.
Seriously, no parents, no children, no brothers or sisters, no nieces or nephews or uncles. I have 2 cousins and an Aunt that are 1100 miles away.
His mistake was grievous, but I don't think he's realized it to this day. He cheated with a married woman, who has an 11 yr old girl. Two marriages ruined.
I heard that the woman and he were 'over' but still friendly about two months ago. Still not one inkling of remorse, repentance, or even a belated apology toward me.
I am not wanting to reconcile, the door has closed on that one. I'm stronger and even happier now. The dust does settle and you can clearly see the people who are still standing by you.
I encourage anyone who is able to reconcile to do so. It is a move of great strength and courage.
But I would warn that 'the second time someone cheats is easier than the first'.
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