I don't want to date, but..

[helpplease8888]

I'm being completely honest so I'm sorry if this makes anyone uncomfortable or upset with my opinions.

About three years ago I went out with my ex. We technically dated for two years. He goes to college in a different city, but he comes back for the breaks. I am not allowed to date but I still do (I still keep my grades up and focus on school). I did a lot to make him happy. During the middle of the second year he started talking to this girl. He would get upset if I asked about her or was worried when they would always talk. One day he told me he got drunk and that someone kissed him. He lied. He later confessed that he kissed the same girl he was talking to. I told him I would leave him if he did not stop talking to her. He had a hard time choosing between me and his new "best friend", but eventually he chose me.
He and I would always talk on the phone at night since that was the time I was free. He would play video games and ignore me. As time went by he became mean. He would yell at me and call me annoying. Since we would stay on the phone at night while I slept, I would wake up sometimes from nightmares and ask if he was there. Eventually he would not reply, so I assumed he was sleeping and I would call back. He would answer the phone and sound awake. Later, due to trust issues, we gave each other our passwords to Facebook and Skype. I checked his Skype and found that he was talking to the same girl and that they said "I love you" to each other. It killed me inside. Once when I was at his house he let me look on his phone and the text messages they sent each other made me sick…it was like they were dating. He also eventually stopped saying he loved me.
At the beginning of last year, I found out he went to a party with her during spring break. My best friend is friends with her and he found out that my ex cheated on me with her during the party. He pulled her into the bathroom and they did oral… so I was told. I had to ask my ex multiple times if he cheated and he finally said yes and started crying. I told I'm not to talk to her for a week and to think about everything that has happened and if he still loved me (stupid I know). I called him three days later and he told me that he would have chosen her if I had not called him because they were talking and she was convincing him to be with her.

It makes me sad how people are fine with ruining relationships just because they want someone's boyfriend/girlfriend. I ended up breaking up with him on our two years. He begged me to stay but I didn't let him continue to talk.

Now it has been a little less than a year, I'm happier now, and I have met someone. I am attracted to his personality, but he is not the type of guy I would normally go for look wise. Sorry if I sound shallow. He and I are close and he treats me like a princess (Sorry for sounding cheesy). We like each other but I am extremely worn out from my past relationship that I do not want to date. He and I act like we're dating in private, but he knows that I don't want to commit to anyone nor do I feel like focusing on someone else. I want to focus on myself for once. I feel bad sometimes, but what he and I have is making us happy for now and I don't want to lose him as a friend, even though we are past that it seems. I think my not being completely attracted to his appearance stops me from wanting to be public with him. We hang out with people so it's not like I ignore him. I'm willing to look past flaws because he is a great guy, but for now I'm still not ready to commit to someone. I just wanted to vent and see responses if anyone had a comment.
Have a great day :)

[helpplease8888]

lol what. he and i were dating for a year and a half. she stepped in knowing that he and i were together, soo… he wanted both of us. and I said i could look past it

[RockRose]

Well,  first,  I bet the other girl in your first story felt like she had more claim over him than you did.  He was telling her he loved her after he stopped telling you that - it seems you might have been the one trying to ruin their relationship,  not the other way around.

And I don't think you should consider dating someone you're ashamed of in public,  even if it's for such a shallow reason as looks.  He deserves more than a girl who is embarrassed to claim him.