Am I in the Wrong?

[Lonelymom]

Ok I really didn't want to retype everything and if I copy and paste it won't make a lot of sense so I am posting the url for my journal entry and asking for advice! Please respond and tell me if I am the one in the wrong and if I am just being a complete B1tch.

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/128103?personal_page_id=862200

[jo929]

when people that are married live in separate towns a marrige seldom works, it does sound like he wants to be where he is if you want to stay married get together somehow  the kids need both of you  luck  jo

[Judy246]

I'm glad to hear that you both are willing to seek counseling with a pastor who will be of great help and most importantly that your husband is willing to go with you...that's great news. It seems as if he is aware that the relationship is in trouble and want's to do his part to save the marriage. Please keep us updated on how the counseling went and was it effective.   Judy

[Lonelymom]

I have started seeking counseling and found that my pastor at church will do it for almost nothing. I asked Doug to attend with me after the first of the year when he returns from Oklahoma. He agreed to go so that is a step as long as he follows through, either way I will be attending.

[Judy246]

There has got to be a happy medium here. I found him to be very insensitive to you during your illness and his attitude and response was just not nice at all and I can understand how it must have hurt your feelings, especially when you are feeling just miserable and there is no one like "family". Your parents and mother-in-law really came thru for you with the children. I think your husband has this important project to him and it's for his family, so there has to be a happy medium here, where he can do his job and contact him to just let him know how things are coming along and give him his space to finish and come back home safely. It is completely unfair to just pack up and disrupt your life, job, the childrens school, their friends and away from family in case you have an emergency or need. Communication and trust is key to a relationship and if he bring up the topic of moving  OK, tell him it is something that will need to be discussed fairly and that he needs to consider your home, environment, job, children and the effect this can have on the children starting over. It's just terrible for them and it scars them "forcing" new schools, friends, home, etc...it's very disruptive and if you don't want to move, you have every right to tell him that the move would be too disruptive to you and your children and that he needs to reconsider the situation he is imposing on the entire family. I also recommend that if you both are having maritial problems, to suggest a marriage counselor or priest who will be able to sort out what problems are going on in the marriage and to get to the bottom of issues. If he doesn't support you on this, then seek individual counseling for yourself on how to best deal and confront your husband in an effective way. It's not easy, but you know that men and women think differently and men are less emotional than woman and don't view situations as we do. Good Luck, Judy

[Lonelymom]

Oh and I forgot to add that after this whole ordeal me and my mother-in-law have gained a new respect for each other and we are getting along great now. Go figure!