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Hi I'm new to this but I have been looking for answers for the past 3 years. hope you can help I found out that my husband had been chating online with another woman for over 3 years behind my back, we didn't talk at all he never needed to talk.
When I found out 3 years ago I wanted to leave him but he told me he would stop 6 months later I found out that he was doing the same thing with the same woman, and 6 months later same thing over and over and I heard the same thing over and over but I don't think he has been talking to her in the past year but how can I be sure and for me the hardes part is always wonderning, a month ago I found out that he has been calling his ex girl freind for over a year now, they have been chating on the phone, he told me he was just trying to get even with her cause of the way she hurt him 15 years ago. I don't believe him. I'm tired of looking at his computer trying to keep up with what he is doing I just want it to stop. I have also found his as a member with almost every single web site there is online.
We have been married for 13 years I had 4 children when we got married he had non I was a widow he was single we had no children together we were both 36 at that time. we never fight or disagree on anything, I always believed that we have the best married in the world all the kids are out of the house now we have 3 grandchildren and I can't seem to move on any more. please help if you can thank you.
When I found out 3 years ago I wanted to leave him but he told me he would stop 6 months later I found out that he was doing the same thing with the same woman, and 6 months later same thing over and over and I heard the same thing over and over but I don't think he has been talking to her in the past year but how can I be sure and for me the hardes part is always wonderning, a month ago I found out that he has been calling his ex girl freind for over a year now, they have been chating on the phone, he told me he was just trying to get even with her cause of the way she hurt him 15 years ago. I don't believe him. I'm tired of looking at his computer trying to keep up with what he is doing I just want it to stop. I have also found his as a member with almost every single web site there is online.
We have been married for 13 years I had 4 children when we got married he had non I was a widow he was single we had no children together we were both 36 at that time. we never fight or disagree on anything, I always believed that we have the best married in the world all the kids are out of the house now we have 3 grandchildren and I can't seem to move on any more. please help if you can thank you.
He might have not been unfaithful, YET! If the right opportuntiy arises he just might go for it. I get the sense that he is high risk for infidelity if given the right opportunity would. Websites such as FB as one example can be very adictive and he is married and this has to be addressed immediately and stopped. He is being very disrespectful to you and his family, by contacting other women and holding a grudge for 15 yrs. against his ex, means that his feeling for her were that strong, where 15 yr. later, he is still thinking about her. He definately has issues, but is also a married man and needs to either respect the marrige or time to speak with a marriage counselor to get to the bottom of whatever issue he has or needs that are not being met. Good Luck.
I think your all right about him getting even with her is a big fat lie.
and yes, I did ask him if he would go to counseling and I went first by my self and then the countsler wanted to see him by him self, then us together, so he went and by the time he was done he convinced the counslsor that we did not have a problem and we could work it out ourselves.
We rarely talked then that is a bit better but he says he can't talk to me and he dosn't know why. I will gave you an example we just moved 3000 k from were we lived all our life it was because of his family they don't except my kids. and that was very hard on him. But we sold our house in April of this year and when we came back he told me now that we sold the house we can move back if you want the only reason I wanted to move is so you would agree to sell the house, I feel used he never once ask me do you want to sell this house, but now all our children have move here to. I don't want to be 3000 k away from my children, I do not understand why he can't talk to me I never say no to him I never get upset with him.
and you are right I can't live always wondering and spying on him and he can't live under my microscope, that is why I'm asking for help I'm so tired of this but I'm going to get counseling and I will ask him again.
Thanks for everthing.
I don't think that he ever loved me. we are great business partners.
and yes, I did ask him if he would go to counseling and I went first by my self and then the countsler wanted to see him by him self, then us together, so he went and by the time he was done he convinced the counslsor that we did not have a problem and we could work it out ourselves.
We rarely talked then that is a bit better but he says he can't talk to me and he dosn't know why. I will gave you an example we just moved 3000 k from were we lived all our life it was because of his family they don't except my kids. and that was very hard on him. But we sold our house in April of this year and when we came back he told me now that we sold the house we can move back if you want the only reason I wanted to move is so you would agree to sell the house, I feel used he never once ask me do you want to sell this house, but now all our children have move here to. I don't want to be 3000 k away from my children, I do not understand why he can't talk to me I never say no to him I never get upset with him.
and you are right I can't live always wondering and spying on him and he can't live under my microscope, that is why I'm asking for help I'm so tired of this but I'm going to get counseling and I will ask him again.
Thanks for everthing.
I don't think that he ever loved me. we are great business partners.
You know I've been through the whole infidelity thing and frankly, he doesn't seem to really want to make things better with you. I think he's comfortable knowing that he can tell you he's sorry and that he won't do it again and that you will let it go and stay with him. He has no real consequences. Did you offer counseling as the only option you have to trying to stay with him? You said you and him rarely talk...do you think that could be a real indication of why he feels the need to chat with other women? imanaddict is right, there are some real underlying issues in this marriage that have been ignored for some time now. Unless you get to the bottom of it, you will be dealing with these types of issues for the rest of your life married to this man. Ask him if he would be willing to go to some counseling...if he isn't then I think you have to reconsider your marriage. You can't live your life with him always wondering what he is doing and spying on him. He can't forever live under your microscope. It's not a happy way to live. Perhaps you can get some counseling yourself to figure out why you would continue to allow him to lie to you. I wish you the best of luck. This is truly heartbreaking to hear you in such pain.
I smell a whole load of B.S. from your husband. Why does he need to get even with an ex gf 15 years later?!?!?! and putting up with his lying, chatting with a woman/women for 3 years??? He's a big ol' liar.
I agree with imanaddict, if you want to continue the marriage or try to somehow salvage it, RUN to marriage counseling. WITH your husband.
I agree with imanaddict, if you want to continue the marriage or try to somehow salvage it, RUN to marriage counseling. WITH your husband.
You have been dealing with this for 3 years and nothing has changed? Why would you put up with it that long? I'm not trying to be harsh, just trying to understand the situation better. And now he's calling his ex girlfriend, supposedly to "get even" for something that happened 15 years ago. Regardless if that is true or not (my money is on that it isn't true!) that is not healthy! I mean, what kind of "revenge" would he get on you later down the road, ya know? I doubt that is even true anyway, but it's something to think about. I think at this point, you need to re-evaluate your marriage. Your husband is doing things behind your back and to me, seems like a risk for infidelity. What to do now? Well you could talk to him and let him know that this doesn't look right and what all you think about these things. If you want to try and work it out, don't walk, but RUN to a marriage counselor. There is something going on with him and you guys need to get to the bottom of it. You as his wife deserve to know what is going on and if he won't open up to you, hopefully he will to a 3rd party.
I have a question for you...do you think he has already been unfaithful?
I have a question for you...do you think he has already been unfaithful?
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