I am always sabotaging relationships. I can not keep no one in my life

[WonderousTeacher1992]

Hello everyone. I am a 26-year-old single woman. I started dating when I was 21 years old and ever since then I keep getting the same results when I am dating men. I tend to fall in love with the wrong men. When things do not go my way or when I overthink I tend to get flip at the mouth and say things that I do not mean I  create fake numbes and fake social media profiles. I am so tired of acting this way and falling in love with the wrong men. I am ready for somewhat that want the same things that I want out of life. I need someone that wants me as much as I want them. I am so tired that I feel like relationships may not be for me or what I need at the moment.

[specialmom]

Oh, and I now see this is wonderous teacher.  You know, I've read many of your posts.  I'm going to be perfectly honest.  I say with all due respect that you seem to have a tremendous amount of anxiety.  I absolutely would see a therapist based on your posts to discuss anxiety and how it affects your life and agree that you've put yourself in some situations that would not be good for your level of anxiety.  1 in 4 adults in this country has either one or both, anxiety and depression.  That's super common is what I'm saying.  So, there is no shame in admitting that there are some mental health things to work on and agree that at this time, a relationship might not be the best idea.  Get that under control first and then date later when you are in a better position.  We're here to talk any time you need it or just to listen.  

[WonderousTeacher1992]

Yes thanks so much. I have scheduled a visit to see the therapist. It is sometime this month. I really need to see her. This guy has completely cut me off and I feel ok with that but I also feel sad. He was a bad influence in my life and I tried to hold on to him but he did not want me

[specialmom]

I'm sorry you are struggling with relationships.  I am a firm believer that our past is knowledge for our future.  So, you are seeing what does and does not work.  Think about the men you date.  Sometimes our subconscious sabotages things for us.  We pick unavailable men, go for guys that ultimately will never fit what we need, etc. subconsciously on purpose to create distance.  Not sure why this happens but it is like a wall.  Sometimes kids who have parents who had a bad relationship do this.  Kind of like a protective mechanism.  So, if I were you, I'd start being proactive and not just pick a guy but really think about what you want.  I had a list of things that were must haves.  I wanted a solid career person, well educated and ambitious.  This was a must for me.  I wanted someone who liked fitness and would stay in shape.  I wanted someone who didn't do any type of drugs and was responsible about life in general (IE: not a partyer). Etc. Whatever is important to you.  And think BIG picture.  Some women choose exciting over nice.  Go for nice.  :>)  Like Beauty and the Beast.  You can have a Gaston, JERK.  Or a Beast, sweet partner.  As long as you have some chemistry of the sexual nature, all is good.  So, picking partners with a practical mind and logical thinking is helpful.  

Then if you start dating, I can't tell if the guy does crummy things and you then go to these behaviors that I will say ARE odd of making fake profiles, I presume to check up on them?  And the fake numbers and stuff.  I don't fully understand why that is happening and what you mean.  If you trick them that you are someone else contacting them or if you avoid them and give them fake info.  But when we KNOW something about ourselves, we CAN change it.  You don't have to do that.  You can control the impulse and find more productive ways to handle things.  Like doing a total shift to refocus on yourself.  Work out, hang out with girlfriends, and try to not think 'too' much about the guy.  

And it's absolutely OKAY to not need, want or have to have a relationship for the moment.  I had a couple of years with no relationship that I remember so very fondly.  I was in the best shape of my life, loving all my activities, had lots of fun with friends, was sailing high professionally ----  it was total ME time.  So, it's okay to back away from dating and just do you for a while.  You're young, you don't need to be in a hurry.  

And a therapist is always a great option for someone to help sort things out.

good luck