Empty and I mean empty nest

[butterflyflip]

My husband and I have been married for 20 years.  He's always had interest and sometimes I wish he was having an affair.  His putting his military, job, mom, whatever over our relationship has caused me to leave him more than once. Now we are empty nest and nobody but me him and the dog.  I have a better relationship with the dog!  He's up to it again.  He's a volunteer firefighter and that's all that matters.  Don't get me wrong.  I supported him in the military, in his job, and as a firefighter, but I'd like to know when if ever I come into the picture?  He helped me get through cancer and I owe him and will never leave now, but I've never felt so alone.  He's not interested in anything I have to say, anything I do, any of my plans=0.  Yes, he contantly watches porn on the internet and we've not had sex in about two years, but that don't really bother me.  What bothers me is there's NOTHING  between us any longer.  I try to get him interested in something I'm doing and 0!  He's been my life for so long I just can't even picture it without him, but something's got to give.  I've tried talking to him about it=0.  It seems everything is 0 around here.  I don't want another relationship and don't care to start over-I'm just sick of coming in fourth, fifth, 10th?  I want us to travel  and do things together, but everything is "I can't/don't" and if I insist, he makes me regret it by not having a good time and ruining mine.  I've never been so alone in my life.

[AmyLi]

I'm one of those women who took action and I made my life a hell of a lot worse. Sometimes okay is as good as it gets. I suggest you find an interest (not another man) you can enjoy as much as your husband enjoys his firefighting. I also believe in prayer :))

[jo929]

have you stood up and  told him how you feel, a man that does not have sex anymore than that there is someyhing wrong, i would stand up abd tell him just who i was and what i would like to do, and also just ask him what ever happened to sex, you may just shock him into changing, but i would put my foot down about the porn. it is time to show him that you are somebody and want to be treated as a human being and loved and all of the good stuff  luck  jo

[Judy246]

Your marriage has hit a "rut". 20 yrs of marriage is not only significant, but a lifetime, yet from reading your post, you love him, will not leave, yet will continue in a what seems like a dead end, going nowhere relationship....welcome to the world of marriage (lol). He is comfortable with his lifestyle and you are accepting it at the cost of your emotions and well being. You are putting him first, by accepting this going nowhere, porn behavior.

I personally think that porno is one of the most addictive, distructive behaviors that poisons the very core of family values and unit and  it is also sending a message that their is something wrong in the relationship. so, what do you do? accept him as he is, accept the relationship as is or do something about it. Marriage counseling recommended, but I don't know if he will agree to it. Individual counseling, but what's the use of seeking help, if the other partner won't change or start taking your focus away from the problems at home and start going out with friends, family, taking care of you, but sooner or later as you said, something is going to give, where either you or he will not take it anymore and seperation or divorce will be inevitable.

Communication and trust are key to all relationships and you might need a different approach to tell him that he is not satisfying your physical and emotional needs and tell him that you are feeling lonely lately within the marriage. Marriage counseling will help to get to the bottom of the problems in the marriage, but it's time to make a change to get out of this rut and comfort zone you both are in and time put the spark back in your marriage. Good luck, Judy