Aa
I'm so lost
So my husband and I have been married almost a year now, he used to be my best friend, we. Always did everything together. Our baby was born June 12 th and everything has been so different since. He hardly helps with my baby and I found out he was popping pills about a month ago. I have threatened to leave many times we fight all the time and he lost his job a month ago as well. I got a job 3 days a week today but I can't even trust him to watch my baby because he sleeps all the time, he almost smothered him one night when he fell asleep with him in his arms and he has his daughter from a previous relationship during the days I work and she has shook my baby once and she pinches him and is horrible. So I obviously don't trust him to watch my baby boy while I'm working and I told him that and he flipped... I just don't know what to do I can't afford to leave and I don't want him to od or commit suicide ( he's threatened that before) ... Any advice would be greatly appreciated
I couldn't agree with SM more. Get you and that precious baby into a safe environment. This needs treated VERY seriously. A man getting high to the point of almost smothering your baby is dangerous. Life threateningly dangerous.
He sounds volatile, and sadly, what SM said is right, terrible outcomes happen all the time as a result of people who haven't addressed their mental health issues and who are self medicating with drugs and/or alcohol. That's a recipe for disaster. Go back home (to your Mom's) IMMEDIATELY, I wouldn't tell him ahead of time, just go, then when you tell him, set your boundaries and be VERY clear. The baby will not be left unattended with him and you will not even THINK about trying to work on the relationship until he has acknowledged his issues and has REALLY shown progress at working on them with professionals.
PLEASE be ultra careful. If he starts harassing you, threatening you, showing up at your Mom's...get a PFA and get the authorities involved. Hopefully it won't come to anything like that but certainly your guard must be up, as he certainly isn't displaying the behavior of a rational person.
VERY best to you sweetie. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but be proud of yourself for being smart enough and being a great Mom that you know you have to act. Don't stay there one more day. I would even recommend having someone (step-dad, brother, neighbor) there when you pack and leave if he's present. Hopefully you can accomplish that while he isn't.
Hang in there!
He sounds volatile, and sadly, what SM said is right, terrible outcomes happen all the time as a result of people who haven't addressed their mental health issues and who are self medicating with drugs and/or alcohol. That's a recipe for disaster. Go back home (to your Mom's) IMMEDIATELY, I wouldn't tell him ahead of time, just go, then when you tell him, set your boundaries and be VERY clear. The baby will not be left unattended with him and you will not even THINK about trying to work on the relationship until he has acknowledged his issues and has REALLY shown progress at working on them with professionals.
PLEASE be ultra careful. If he starts harassing you, threatening you, showing up at your Mom's...get a PFA and get the authorities involved. Hopefully it won't come to anything like that but certainly your guard must be up, as he certainly isn't displaying the behavior of a rational person.
VERY best to you sweetie. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but be proud of yourself for being smart enough and being a great Mom that you know you have to act. Don't stay there one more day. I would even recommend having someone (step-dad, brother, neighbor) there when you pack and leave if he's present. Hopefully you can accomplish that while he isn't.
Hang in there!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh goodness. I'm so sorry to hear this. how scary that your baby could be hurt by him!!
Sometimes things are bigger than the immediate problem. The issue of where to live is the immediate problem and keeping your child safe is the much bigger issue. You really have to think outside the box about where you can go even if it isn't your best option.
This man is unsafe. He is manipulating you when he threatens suicide and overdosing. We are NEVER responsible for the well being of another unless they are in our care, such as your baby. This is a grown man that you can not save from himself if he is self destructive. HE must overcome his own problems. You can't do it for him. Staying with him is dangerous to your child. Possibly to you. What if he is depressed and he decides to do murder suicide of you, himself and your child?? If he is as unstable as you say, that is a real possibility.
When you leave, and you must, be frank with him. Tell him that he needs to get clean. Tell him he needs to begin the process of getting treatment for his mental health issues.
At this point, that you know he is not acceptable to be left with your child, child protective services could consider you an accessory to anything that happens when you choose to leave the baby any way. Understand that. If you sit by and allow him to be alone with this child, you are being negligent. I say it really forcefully because I know that you'd be so upset if anything super serious happened to your child and you allowed it by ignoring what you know about your boyfriend.
Can you call your parents?
Sometimes things are bigger than the immediate problem. The issue of where to live is the immediate problem and keeping your child safe is the much bigger issue. You really have to think outside the box about where you can go even if it isn't your best option.
This man is unsafe. He is manipulating you when he threatens suicide and overdosing. We are NEVER responsible for the well being of another unless they are in our care, such as your baby. This is a grown man that you can not save from himself if he is self destructive. HE must overcome his own problems. You can't do it for him. Staying with him is dangerous to your child. Possibly to you. What if he is depressed and he decides to do murder suicide of you, himself and your child?? If he is as unstable as you say, that is a real possibility.
When you leave, and you must, be frank with him. Tell him that he needs to get clean. Tell him he needs to begin the process of getting treatment for his mental health issues.
At this point, that you know he is not acceptable to be left with your child, child protective services could consider you an accessory to anything that happens when you choose to leave the baby any way. Understand that. If you sit by and allow him to be alone with this child, you are being negligent. I say it really forcefully because I know that you'd be so upset if anything super serious happened to your child and you allowed it by ignoring what you know about your boyfriend.
Can you call your parents?
I would leave maybe one of ur family members will let u live with them until u get on ur feet.......
Thank you so much! It helps get motivation when I hear other people tell me what I know I should do
Yes sweetie you are definitely right! Families are not like that, and you shouldn't settle for someone like that. Just my opinion, but maybe moving in with your parents will help you out until you can get a better job.
I think me leaving is best for my baby... My mom and step dad want me to move home... I am so confused, I hate this, marriage shouldn't be like this. Families shouldn't be like this.
^^ i agree! If he isn't trying to make things better then he's probably not going to. No sense in getting dragged down with him. You should definitely get that sweet baby away from that. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this hun. But I would definitely take a stand. My brother is an alcoholic and it's ripping his life apart. His wife is not brave enough to leave him because he's threatening suicide as well. I really hope the best for you and your baby.
Honestly he's being controlling threatening to hurt himself... also talk to the dhr office near you they can set up free child care while your at work. I suggest you leave before it gets worse. Living with addicts is never good in the long run. Good luck and congrats on the baby!
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