How to deal with an my man and his ex

[kc7578]

My story is kind of long but ill try to make it short, when i got involved with my man he was married at the time he decided to leave his wife to live with me now is been 2 years since this happen, short after he lefter her she told me that she was pregnant so when i told him he said that he still wanted to be with me so he never left even do i told him that he was free to go back to her well she had the baby and he started to see the baby after a month or so when the baby got a little older he would pick the baby up and would bring her home well one day his ex saw us and realize that i was pregnant she called me and told me that she did not wanted anything from him and that he would never see his little girl again. After a month she called him back to ask for some money and told him that if he wanted to see the baby she need to be around that she did not want me around her daughter and that is my problem yeah its been 2 years but he has not file for divorce and I'm currently 29weeks pregnant he tells me that he only goes to see his little girl that he loves me and would not do me wrong that he does not want to loose me but i hate that she calls to ask him things about her car and all this other personal stuff i don't know how to deal with the fact that she spends  4,5 or 6 hours with him using the baby as an excuse, every time she finds out something about us she gets mad and takes the baby away from him but then at the same time he does not want to take her to court he tell me that he does not want to be ugly to her, i think that because he fills guilty of cheating and leaving her. What could i do to deal with this is killing me inside every time that i talk to him about it we end up in a fight please help me!!

[heatherlynn22]

well as the others have said....you created this mess. what did you expect would happen my fooling around with a married man? did you really think he'd divorce her? she has his child. she is his wife..he's going to spend time with his family. whether you like it or not...she and the baby is his family. it's sad to say but....you're just his pregnant mistress. it's time to start thinking about that baby. do  you want him/her to grow up in that sort of environment? think about what's best for the baby now. not what's best for you.

[teko]

You play, you pay. Too late to cry fowl. Sorry! It is only going to get worse at this point.

[teko]

I just wanted to add to this that I sincerely hope everything works out in the end. Hind site is always 20/20.  We all live and learn and you will too. I am sooo glad I do not have hormones anymore.lol

[joesprincess2007]

Mayflowers you said the magic word...boundaries. I have the same situation minus the pregnant part. My man DOES NOT WANT to be with his wife. Period. But she uses the kids to get him over there....one day he can take the kids, the next day he can't, depending on her mood. I know that I have a part in the mess, I accept that responsibility. I do not accept using kids to get what you want. His ex actually picks fights with their 9 year old daughter so she will call him to come over. I am a firm believer in the fact that a bad relationship does not allow you to be the parent you need to be....so staying together for the kids sake doesn't usually work. Where I live neither parent has custody of the child without a court order....you don't need to get a divorce right away to get rights to be with your children.  That should be the first step.  I know in our case money is the issue for the divorce not being started.  In my experience here she's not going to move on with her life until he stops feeling sorry and guilty and sticks to the boundaries...I would expect a phone call in the middle of the night because one of the kids is sick enough for the emergency room, but not because she has a cough.  If the relationship is over it needs to be over.

[mami1323]

As much as I agree kids should not be involved I do find it appalling that a relationship started while he was still married to her.  I don't blame her for being royally hurt and upset at her husband's actions.  He cheated on her and left her with the kids.  I'm not taking her side but if he was a stand up guy, he would've ended that relationship first before getting involved with you.  Stop blaming her and start looking at your b/f's actions that led up to this point.

[joesprincess2007]

Can someone explain something to me? You don't need to be married to be in a relationship but you need to be divorced to end it? I believe both things are just a piece of paper. The relationship ended. He left her. He ended the relationship with her. How many ways can I say it. It's over. Finished. Done. That's it! Does anyone in their right mind really need a judge to say it's over before they accept it's over? So because she realized after he was gone, "oops, I might still care about him after all" that means he's not entitled to his happiness? Is a divorce decree going to change how she feels....like ok, the judge signed the paper, wow, I suddenly stopped caring about him, what a relief? We didn't pursue our relationship until he left her. I told him I wouldn't get involved with him unless he left her first because that wouldn't be fair to either of us. Under the theory that she's the wife she can do what she wants....what happens when the divorce is final? It's time to start acting like an adult and stop trying to manipulate the children and the ex and move on. BTW she's the second wife, so does the first wife trump her? Think about it....thinking that because she's married to him she has the right to control the rest of his life is just not reality.