How to move forward with the relationship?

[mlim16]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He is 24 and I am 25. I already know I want to marry him some day but I'm not sure if we are on the same page.

Right now I live with him and his sisters. Originally it was their family house but his mom got married and moved out, all his sisters moved out but moved back in due to relationship issues. So now it's me, him, his two sisters, and one of their boyfriends. After two years I feel like I'm sooo ready to get our own place. But he pays for the mortgage while everyone else pays for utilities so it might affect them if he moves, although they would be able to easily afford it. But I'm sure his sisters won't like it.

I am also wanting to get married in 2-4 years but I'm not sure if he is ready. A year ago we said 27/28 was good age to get married but he was concerned about his studies and salary. He thinks he doesn't make enough and he wants to finish school to get a better job. The thing is, it would take him like 8 years going part time and I would hate to wait that long to get married.

I feel like money shouldn't be a huge deal. A lot of his friends are married or have kids and they make the same, if not less, than we do together combined.

What should I do? I want us to have our own place and I want to know we will get married before we are 30...but he seems to be more daydreaming about spending money on his car. He doesn't spend money like crazy but I'm just saying his head doesn't seem to be about marriage. I asked him if maybe we could move and get our own place in 2 years  once we save up enough and he said he'll consider it. But we didn't discuss it further.. I don't want to live with him and his sisters for the next 3 years.. as for marriage, I'm not in a rush. I just want to know if he wants to marry me one day and if it's before I'm 30.

[Chima7]

I think if there's any way you can afford your own place, you should do it. Not to break up with him, still stay in the relationship, but have your own place cause then he'll hopefully see how great it would be if it was just the two of you instead of his whole family.

And I agree with you that this would be the time to start having these conversations with him about what his intentions are for the future of your relationship. You have a right to know what you're in for from his perspective. Cause if you're not on the same page as far as timing goes, you may have to start making some really tough choices about your future and whether or not he fits into your goals. Hopefully he will be on the same page but the important thing is that you need to know so you can figure out where to go from here.

[mlim16]

Oh, I see what you mean. I'm not sure if he's ever been the passionate type? He shows his love in different ways like fixing my car for me, texting me when he's out on a trip or with the guys, has me walk inside from the street, but idk about passionate. Like most guys I dated, the beginning was "passionate" but always seemed to never be the same. Not that it is a bad thing but gets more comfortable, tame, secure, etc.

[AnnieBrooke]

By passion, I meant from him, not from you.  If a guy is crazy in love, he wants to be alone with his beloved and to make plans.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I wonder why You don't/ havem't had this conversation with Him in the last two years?

and

I don't see how or why it might cost more to be married than it does to live together.

[mlim16]

Thanks so much, you're exactly on point. I just want to get our own place and know if eventually if he wants to marry me one day. Not now..but maybe in 4 years or so.

I guess I have a lot of talking to do.Thanks for the support everyone.

[specialmom]

I really do think it is reasonable to know where you stand.  I personally would not want communal living like this.  That would drive me insane.  I don't blame you a bit for looking at long term plans.  I'd want an exit strategy to end this living with multiple people. Adults like to have their OWN space and not share with sisters and sister's boyfriends so you are within a normal thought process to be 'over that'.  

And as you are getting to the age in which you are wondering about marriage, it's natural to feel like you want to be sure you and your partner wants the same things.  I personally believe information is power.  If he knows what is important to you and doesn't come through or agree, then you make choices to do what is in your own best interest.  If you don't broach the subject, you're basically living in limbo 'hoping'.  No way to live.  Take a deep breath and tell him what you've been thinking about and then be quiet so he can share his thoughts on it.  good luck

[mlim16]

We talked about it about 2 years ago about how many kids we'd want, when would be a good time to get married (age speaking), and living. We agreed at least 1 kid and no more than 3, married age maybe around 27-29, and he knows I would like for us to have our own place.

I just never really brought it up again after that. It's been something I've been recently thinking about. Maybe because I'm turning 26 or maybe because (i hate to admit it) my Facebook is full of everyone already married, having babies, engaged... I'm not trying to rush but I just want to know where we stand.

I guess I should talk to him about it. I'm just worried on where he stands.. but I guess I have to right? =\

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I see your concern.  I get it that you would like to know that he plans on marrying you.  These are prime years in your  life to establish yourself and to possibly meet your mate especially if you desire a family.  I really do get it.  His answer to that?  He is not sure.  That would concern me.  I'd really want him to be sure,.

have you told him how important marriage is to you?

And would you stay with him if it's not as important to him?

[mlim16]

What do you mean you don't hear much passion? I'm focusing on the issue...I mean if you want me to go into detail about how happy he makes me and how I miss him even if he's gone for a day then I can if you want lol.

[AnnieBrooke]

He sounds comfortable where things are.  The only way to get him to see that they might be better is to get your own place, and make it be so appealing that when he comes to visit, he thinks he wants to live there.  Do you really want to marry this guy?  I don't get much passion there.